Can’t wait for a cute girl to turnip

A couple of months ago I posted a video of some farm dance set to American jazz. Today I watched a farm dance set to Soviet-era Russian jazz. You know, I spent a fair amount of time in the music industry but somehow I missed this farm jazz subgenre. Should I explore this further? I can’t tell if I’m enjoying it or not.

So glad you’re back from China, madamjujujive

 

Etiquette & superstition: flannel

flannelmoth
Flannel is one of those words that starts looking funny the more you look at it. Flannel. Shouldn’t flannel be a dessert? A soft dessert? I can’t find any evidence that there is such a flannel dessert. The word “flannel” is derived from the Welsh word “gwlanen,” which I guess is also funny looking, but that doesn’t sound like a very good dessert at all to me.

ETIQUETTE: Flannel used to be one of those confusing fabrics where it seemed like it would be appropriate for winter wear just like flannel sheets and nightgowns, but it was actually used more often for tennis outfits and white suits that men would wear to garden parties. Suddenly around the mid-20th century or so, however, flannel stopped being primarily identified as a sporty fabric for summer gadabouts and started aligning its character with the conformist businessman. Geoffrey Beene even named a men’s fragrance Grey Flannel.

Regardless of this current identity, flannel is an excellent fabric that keeps one warm in the winter and cool in the summer, and if you don’t take your fashion cues from the Urban Dictionary, you should consider wearing it in seasonal-appropriate colors and weight whenever you like. Think of the wondrous thing that is summer-weight wool.

SUPERSTITION: If you want to cure gout, smear the afflicted foot with treacle and wrap it in flannel. Hard breasts can be remedied by applying mashed turnips mixed with rose oil to the breasts and keeping the area warm with a flannel wrap. If you wish to attract love, put a lock of your hair, a heart-shaped piece of dried lemon peel, and a piece of dried ginseng root into a pink or red flannel bag. Dedicate the bag to your purpose and wear it from a gold chain around your neck.

Photo of Stinging Flannel Moth Caterpillar by Andreas Kay on Flickr

Take on a regal aspect

I got a very interesting book this weekend entitled The Art of Serving Food Attractively by Mary Albert Wenker. I thought it might provide me with a quick and easy idea to spruce up the presentation of some creamed onions I’m going to make for Thanksgiving; after all, Mary Albert’s Rule #2 of Garnishing is “Beauty is obtained through simplicity. Garnishes should appear natural, fresh and dainty – never overworked or overdone.” Well. Let’s see what we have here.

oeufsahoy
An egg boat. Hey, that could be cute. A little egg boat floating on a sea of creamed onions? I don’t know. I don’t think anybody would be able to guess that it’s supposed to be an egg boat. Here’s one I could handle:

cucumbegg
Four cucumber slices crammed into a hard-boiled egg. I could definitely pull that one off, but why?

meatpinwheel
Meat pinwheel. That’s just asking for ridicule. Next.

cukecarousel
This one would be good if I were making some sort of vertical meatloaf that was supposed to represent a burning building, and I could have cucumber slices jumping out of the windows onto the lemon slice held up by the other cucumber slices. I could even make little pimiento firehats for the cucumber slices holding up the lemon slice. Or perhaps that is too overworked and overwrought.

turkey
Ooh, look at that little guy! A little turkey. Let’s see – pear halves, cream cheese, graham cracker crumbs, pineapple slice, red-skinned apple slice, cherry and a date. I don’t think that is going to work with creamed onions.

Pickle boats. Turnip stars. Beet cups. Pear airplane. Tomato cheese rose. Troutlettes. Cucumber linked chain. Ugh… I think I need to go to bed. Oh look – ideas for bed trays. Maybe Benny will bring me a gumdrop-pipecleaner pilgrim while I recover.

Etiquette & superstition: urinating


One of my least favorite dreams is having to urinate and not being able to do so. I have some problems with my dopamine levels, however, and this problem is sometimes associated with sleepwalking. Perhaps it’s just as well that I don’t have dreams about being able to urinate successfully.

ETIQUETTE: Everything a man needs to know about urination in a public restroom can be found in Phil Rice’s short documentary from 2006. For the time being, this documentary can be found here.

SUPERSTITION: To cure a child of bed-wetting, you can do a few things:

  • Conceal a piece of his clothing in a coffin that contains a dead corpse
  • hollow out a turnip and make the child urinate into the turnip, then hang the turnip in the chimney
  • have the child urinate on a pig’s toe and then bury the toe
Photo by Jason Tester Guerilla Features on flickr

 

Published in: on November 4, 2010 at 9:54 pm  Leave a Comment  
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