Across the universe

I was minding my own business this weekend when suddenly I found myself in someone’s garden

and I forgot where I was.

Was I in India?


Indonesia?


Grandma Prisbey’s Bottle Village?

Nope. I was at the Haunted Shack Gardens in Pasadena, made by the artist Shrine. And as I usually do in incredibly beautiful places, I got overwhelmed by everything and took terrible photos. I don’t have a single full image of Shrine’s house, which is covered in an elaborate geometric design. No. I got stuck on what the designs were fabricated with:

 
Sorry. That’s how things go with me. If you want to get a better idea of what this amazing place looks like, and what a real artist can do with a bunch of old garden hoses and rusty bottlecaps and old nitrous canisters,


go to Shrine’s Instagram page where he’s posted some good photos of his place and a lot of his other amazing art pieces too.

To be saved for future use

Hey – look what I saw today:

timemachincu
Somebody was throwing it away.

timemachin3
Well, technically that’s the recycling bin, but that time machine is still being discarded. Why would somebody throw away a time machine? Didn’t it work? Did it work too well? What do you make from a recycled time machine?

Published in: on April 13, 2015 at 5:41 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Crown ticklers

I went by a rebus store on Santa Monica Blvd. today. I’m pretty sure this first one has something to do with “Surfin’ Bird” by the Trashmen,

quetzal
but the other two

veladora
have me stumped.

lovebroom
Any ideas?

Published in: on January 20, 2014 at 5:42 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Etiquette & superstition: human infant excrement

5383435768_5aae2b1e66My mother calls rat excrement “rat coodles.” She does not call dog excrement “dog coodles”; it’s only the rat that leaves a coodle. I have never heard anybody else use this word in the same manner. Anyway, today we are not talking about rat coodles.

ETIQUETTE: If you have a baby and need to change its diaper while you are at a friend’s house, do not throw a poopy diaper into the bathroom trash can. Instead, ask your host where you should deposit the used diaper. They may be fine with you using the bathroom trash can provided the diaper is well wrapped up, but they may prefer that your little snowflake’s waste matter be deposited into a receptacle located outside. If you do not feel like bringing up the subject with your host, you can always wrap up the diaper in a plastic bag and put it in your diaper bag for later disposal at home.

SUPERSTITION: If a woman is infertile and wishes to bear children, she should take the first poo made by a newborn infant, dry it out, and stick it up her vagina.

Photo by ike4014 on Flickr

Long after the getting has ceased to be good

Today is my last day at work, at the job I have held for a little over 16 years. I have been telling people that it’s time for me to move on, find a new path, follow my muse, blah blah. But to be honest, the real reason I am leaving is that I’m scared for my safety. Where there were once funny faces on Post-Its and mysterious creatures made of fruit abandoned in the break room and messages on the garbage cans inspired by Magritte, now there is only violence and mayhem. To wit:

courteous

There is a theory that these signs inspired so much rage because our company has been employing a huge number of temps who are not considered fully “employees,” but this is just a theory. Sometimes people just hate being told to wash their own dishes. And then there are more lunchroom hijinks (please click on all photos for larger versions; it is well worth it):

yourshame

I am supposing he preferred his lunch meat to the free Chinese food, which is perfectly understandable. It should be noted that this email was sent to all US offices as well as the head office in Berlin.

Here is a goodbye note when the author of the above email had finally had enough:

saltmines

Now, I think this would have made sense if it had been sent to the head office in Berlin, as the photo appears to depict some Pennsylvania Dutch versions of Krampus and maybe the head office would have looked at the photo and wondered, “Have we been so naughty as to deserve switches to our bottoms this year?” and been frightened. However, this goodbye note was photocopied and deposited in physical form on certain employees’ desks solely in the LA office, so we recipients were merely frightened in a vague way without understanding the Krampus tie-in. Krampus isn’t really big in LA yet.

Oh, here is a Post-It that my perhaps-too-dedicated assistant affixed to some paperwork after trying to make some sense of something that would never make sense:

blam

That’s never the answer, kid. Especially not for something as dumb as that pile of paperwork. And then finally, here we come to the grandaddy of  something that would never make sense:

garyoverton

I suppose it’s neat to know that you can send an anonymous fax; I never knew that before. I just don’t know why I got this fax, and I don’t think I’ll ever know, and I think if I stick around in the hopes of finding out, something pretty bad might happen.

So off I go to a new, safer career as a roller derby queen or a war correspondent or something. Wish me luck.

The treachery of images

We have a new cleaning crew for our office this week. I don’t know why we have such a problem getting a decent cleaning crew, but we do. With the last crew, one morning I found a used coke straw on the toilet paper dispenser in the restroom. Another time I found a big unflushed turd. Maybe they had nothing to do with either incident, but there was just something suspect about that gang.

One crew after another gets fired for knocking over plants or rearranging papers on peoples’ desks or stealing random crap. I myself find that kind of activity funny in a corporate sabotage sort of way, but I don’t think that’s the perpetrators’ intention. It seems more due to apathy than a “stick it to the Man” attitude.

I think if I worked for a cleaning service I’d try to get work cleaning offices rather than deal with peoples’ houses. There’s just way less fungus, less pubic hair, and less pet barf in an office. At least my office.

So anyway, here’s what the new cleaning crew has to say:

notatrashcan.jpg

Whatever, Magritte. Just try to remember to empty my paper shredder tonight, okay?

Published in: on March 19, 2008 at 11:18 am  Comments (2)  
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