Etiquette & superstition: Valentine’s Day birds and flowers


Ugh. Maybe this day isn’t hard for some people. It sure seems hard for adults in relationships, adults not in relationships, adults maybe in relationships, kids that are popular, kids that aren’t popular, misanthropes, optimists, waitstaff, teachers. Maybe it’s a good day for pets or something.

It should be a nice holiday celebrating a really important thing that everybody needs in some form or other, but it sure gets hung up on a lot of stuff. Take a deep breath. Love yourself. Eat some candy and watch a slasher movie or something.

ETIQUETTE: Flowers are nice. If you work in an office and you receive a gift of flowers, don’t march around the office with them as if you were some New Year’s Day parade. You already got flowers. Why do you need everybody to know you got flowers?

If you work in an office and you have not received any flowers, don’t audibly grumble about corporate guiltmongers creating an environment of conspicuous consumption. Gee, I wonder why you didn’t get any flowers, Sunshine?

SUPERSTITION: If you see a squirrel first thing Valentine’s Day morning, you’re going to marry a cheapskate. If the first bird you see on Valentine’s Day is a woodpecker, you will never marry. If you see an owl first, you will marry but your spouse will die soon afterwards. Keep your eye out early in the day for a bluebird, a dove, or a sparrow if you want a happy life with a good-hearted person.

Scan of vintage valentine by RoniJJ on Flickr

The drying-up season

I don’t know how things are where you live, but it seems like here in Los Angeles we went straight from summer to winter this weekend. I guess I’d better post this cartoon before it’s too late.

Summertime hash

This cartoon is a mess. They just threw everything in the pot and looped some of the actions for good measure. Seriously, this is like a cartoon of floor sweepings. I don’t know why I’m posting it. Maybe because of that squirrel. I hope Farmer Al Falfa got his nice cocktail at some point.

Screwy nuts

Does anybody have a lead on where I can get a bunch of dentures for free or cheap? I want to make a scary nut machine like the one in this cartoon.

Available for parties, shows, picnics

Maybe this film isn’t considered a Christmas classic because there’s not nearly enough dancing squirrel in it, but I still think it’s worth a watch. Jimmy Durante gets bonus points for the joke about Krampus College.

Many thanks to Sean McNally for pointing me to this film. He knows a thing or two about squirrels.

Etiquette & superstition: college

I will be going back to school in a couple of weeks, in the attempts of completing a long-dormant degree. It’s been a while since I’ve been in school; I’m not sure if the kids still wear raccoon coats and straw hats or what the deal is. Maybe I’ll bring my ukelele along just in case somebody invites me on a joyride in their Huppmobile.

ETIQUETTE: My first clue that I have been somewhat out of the loop in terms of college etiquette was the information I’ve found online indicating that laptops are not universally accepted in the classroom and that the instructor will indicate his/her preference regarding same on the first day. When I first went to college, there was no such thing as a laptop computer, but I had assumed that in this day and age they were what one used to take notes; in the recent film Spring Breakers, the one scene in the classroom showed everybody with a laptop. I guess I shouldn’t be looking to Spring Breakers for tips on proper behavior.

SUPERSTITION: Though for the life of me I can’t remember one associated with my alma mater, most every college or university has at least one campus superstition. Avoid that cupola, kiss that shoe, or look for that albino squirrel if you want to graduate or just get a good grade on that test. My favorite so far, however, is the elusive glittery “disco tray” found in the cafeteria of Hendrix University. If one of these shows up when it’s your turn in line, you are in for some good fortune. This good fortune, however, doesn’t seem to be specified; maybe it means you’ll make the Dean’s List, maybe you’ll just find some pistachio pudding in the dessert area. Lucky day!

Photo by The Happy Rower on Flickr

Fall back

I know this cartoon is supposed to be a mirthful celebration of autumn, but it’s kind of made me afraid to go outside. Those claws. Those teeth. I was surprised that the ducks didn’t have fangs.

Old squirrels’ tale

I went with a few friends wandering around some more abandoned houses this weekend. It seems to be becoming a habit with me. At one of the houses, a friend found something of Fancy Notions interest having to do with the weather.

So smart, those crickets.

Do you like worms?

If I grew up in a place where they had to tell me not to poop outside unless I wanted to get worms, I guess I would be okay with it if it were a frog puppet named Ro-Revus telling me not to poop outside. I guess.

via the genius that is everlasting blort

Scamp on the wagon

This is Scamp:

scampcu

Scamp was a squirrel who made kids in the ’60s pledge not to drink alcohol. Instead of drinking, kids wrote letters to Scamp telling them what they were doing instead of drinking.

scamp1

Scamp was cute, but kind of a drag. Those kids all sound in desperate need of a drink.

scamp2

I don’t think Scamp is around any more, so if you write to him, don’t expect a response any time soon.

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