Swedish Chef

I’m not sure this is really a thing, because most of the articles online link back to one specific article at HuffPoUK, but I’m intrigued with the idea of Swedish pizza. Benny and Smoothie have accused me (perhaps fairly) of being an aficionado of “comedy food” such as hot dog-flavored potato chips and sushi burritos, but some of the combinations I’ve seen offered as examples of Swedish pizza give Dali’s Surrealist cookbook a run for its money. From the original article, here are some supposedly beloved combos:

Tomato sauce!
Cheese!
Chicken!
Pineapple!
Banana!
Peanuts!
Curry!
_______

Tomato sauce!
Cheese!
Canned Fruit Cocktail!
Chocolate!
_______

Tomato sauce!
Cheese!
Duck!
Chanterelles!
Black Currants!
Honey!
_______

Tomato sauce!
Cheese!
Pork Tenderloin!
Shrimp!
Gorgonzola!
Pineapple!
Curry!

I can’t find photos of any of the above except for one rather blurry image from Gawker that I refuse to link to, and the only other “Swedish pizza” photos I’m finding are for pies featuring “kebab meat” (gyros, it appears) with tzaziki… and that seems to be a perfectly reasonable pizza that Benny would order and Smoothie would come over to share. I have yet to see anything as silly as Pizza Hut’s hot dog crust or Mr. Pizza’s potato wedges/corn/”nacho chip flake” abomination. Is this Swedish pizza really a thing?

via Metafilter

Sausage party revisited

So, I saved this video because they were making sausages out of most of my favorite foods (they left out bread and butter sandwiches, but hey), but then I looked at it again and decided I hated it even though they were making fun of bro culture and it wasn’t really bro culture (right?) because maybe making fun of bro culture is now bro culture like making fun of hipsters means you are a hipster, and I also hated it because maybe this was just a big waste of most of my favorite foods, and then I was describing the video and the sausages therein to Benny and he said, “That sounds good.” And maybe he’s right. I don’t know any more. I would try the mac and cheese one for sure.

via neatorama

Circular seasoning

Hold on a minute, smartypants Kari Schuster. I know you’re all proud of yourself for making a pizza-flavored pizza out of Pizza Supreme Doritos, Pizzalicious Pringles, Pepperidge Farm Flavor Blasted Xplosive Pizza Goldfish crackers, Pepperoni Pizza Combos, and pizza-flavored hummus,


but what is the base made of? I won’t go as far as commenter Obamacare to denounce your creation with the pronouncement “that’s disgusting and you should feel bad,” but I am disappointed by the suspiciously natural-looking tortilla you have there. Step it up next time.

Published in: on August 23, 2011 at 2:55 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , ,

Extreme techniques

52909404_8b4669e5dd

The time has come for me to start getting serious about eating better and exercising more. Serious. Really. This time for sure. Relying on my incredible willpower alone has gotten me where I am today, where I only attend social events where caftan-wearing is encouraged, so I think I need to look into some alternative behavior modification techniques. Positive reinforcement may be the way to go, but if I need to go the aversion/punishment therapy route, I think I’ve found a webpage that could really help me out – all ’80s saxophone solos, conveniently separated from their respective songs and rated accordingly.

I think the ratings are actually a little soft on that page, but that’s beside the point; just listening to the clips is much more painful to me than a poke in the nose or electric shock. If Quarterflash started playing every time I ate a piece of pizza, I have a feeling I would think twice about putting that call in to Tomato Pie for delivery of a Large, Hot Grandma. It’s worth further study.

Photo by buck82 on flickr

Curse of the bikini dancers

Some years ago, a beer bar in my neighborhood went out of business and was gutted to make way for a new restaurant. During the remodeling process, a long lost window that had been covered in plywood was revealed:

And the people were amazed. The renovation went on, a fence went up, and the window was replaced with some new glass. It was rumored that the contractor in charge of the renovation had lovingly rescued the go-go dancing girls, relocating them to his office for protection.

But this wasn’t the whole story:

Apparently the girls were not rescued quickly enough, and one was smashed to pieces. And thus began the troubles.

The new restaurant took ages to open; when it did, it was plagued by poor service, unimpressive food, and disproportionate prices. And then some nine months after it opened, the new restaurant was gone. Some said poor management led to its demise, but others came to a more logical conclusion: the place was cursed by the bikini girl who had been destroyed. Whatever the reason, the building has remained empty for some months now.

Recently a banner went up announcing that Michaelangelo’s Ristorante will soon be taking over the space, bringing its menu to a neighborhood starved for pizza (except, of course, for the pizza place a block away, and the other pizza place three blocks away, and then the one down the street at Hyperion and Griffith Park…). Will Michaelangelo’s survive the revenge of the watusi? It will be interesting to see what goes down.

Top photo by DoGoLaCa on flickr; second photo by 7-how-7 on flickr

%d bloggers like this: