Yesterday, Martha Stewart had Snoop Dogg on her show to make cognac mashed potatoes. Now, I know a lot of you may hate Martha Stewart because you may think she’s a snob or an overachiever or a condescending bitch or something, but I beg you to rethink your opinion of her. Come on. She frequently has Amy Sedaris on the program discussing bong water, she drinks in the morning, and now she has the Snoopy Dog making mashed potatoes.
Yeah, yeah; I know she said stuff to him like, “Can you spell?” and “You dance all the time,” but look – she’s an ex-con. When you’re in the Big House, dissing people like that is a survival tool. She meant no harm. She may have blanched a little when Snoop made reference to her felony record in his vocabulary lesson: “Ball til ya fall!” (meaning, of course, to make as much money by any means necessary), but she didn’t hurt him or anything. And she could have; there was clearly at least one shank sitting right there on the table.
Of course, I’m a little torn as to who would make the better mashed potatoes if left to his/her own devices. True, Snoop seemed to be leaning toward Parkay rather than real butter, but he also had a desire to mash the potatoes by hand and to leave the peels on, which Martha put the kibosh on. So, I don’t know. Judge for yourself: