Involved can mean a lot of different things: in a relationship, complex, preoccupied with, confusing. I wonder which meaning applies here.
May be covered in mint jelly
If you enjoy deadpan humor and you’re not listening to the Beef & Dairy Network podcast, get thee to some earbuds pronto. Not only is it “the number one podcast for those involved or just interested in the production of beef animals and dairy herds,” but it’s one of the few podcasts on the Maximum Fun network not hosted by a member of the McElroy extended family. (Note to Maximum Fun: too many McElroys.)
I bring up the Beef & Dairy Network today because my friend Mara found this lost cat notice that seems to back up the BDN assertion that lamb is a dangerous meat that leads to all sorts of social problems and deviancy:
Bosco would be safe at home now if he weren’t on the lamb. Sure, he looks fine in this photo, but he’s probably unrecognizable by now; he may have moved on to mutton. If you see happen to see any feline who looks to be strung out on kebabs, please call Tom or Geoff.
Greatest Dog Of All Time
This dog looks like the dog from that “look at this awesome dog” flyer from some years back. This guy is so awesome he needs two names.
It’s possible that he’s out hunting murderers, but my money is on him being out in the field getting his exploratory committee together for the 2020 presidential race. Not Neutered, Not For Sale.
Elevator pitch
Guys, guys. Moonie & Kilo’s Excellent Adventure. Moonie & Kilo’s Day Off. Moonie & Kilo: The Odyssey Begins. Moonie & Kilo: An Affair To Remember.
Guys?
It’s gotta be better than Dunston Checks In…
a/k/a Speck, Spot, Patch
I re-named one of my Neko Atsume cats “Smudge”
and now I’m not sure why. He doesn’t have a smudge on him. Now this
is a Smudge. I can tell why he has that name even without the helpful arrow.
Answer me
It’s not as prevalent as it used to be, but there’s a thing in pop culture called the answer song. An answer song, usually recorded by another artist, is a response to a previously recorded song. “Southern Man” is followed by “Sweet Home Alabama.” “Work With Me, Annie” is answered by “Roll With Me, Henry,” which is ultimately answered by “Annie Had A Baby.” If you want to get dark, there’s always the song “Little Blossom” (a song from the point of view of a neglected child who eventually gets killed by her drunken father) and the ensuing, if unimaginatively titled, “Answer to Little Blossom” (sung by the father who is now in prison and expecting to get the death sentence).
The song “Boy Named Sue” already has a kind of weird and terrible answer song (look it up; I’m not linking it here), but I think I found a better one, lost pet notice-style. Friends, meet a bitch named Richard:
“Bitch” using the classic definition, of course. I’m sure she’s a very sweet pup.
No shit
(erases joke about cat being pursued by the hound of the Baskervilles)
(erases joke about cat being found at 221B Baker Street)
(erases joke about cat going to score some blow)
(gives up)
Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woof?
I know this notice has a lot of info like “notched right ear,” “timid,” “sweet”… but all I saw was the dark hair and the phrases “pleasantly plump” and “can appear to be feral.”
And now I can’t help thinking Elizabeth Taylor is running loose in the neighborhood.
Go home and get some sleep, Agatha. Your games are upsetting everyone.
Positive body image
My friend Taylor shared this gem of a flyer with me recently. It’s almost like an old riot grrrl poem.
“… answers to ‘KHAN’ and ‘FATTY GIRL.” “Hates dogs and being called ‘Fatty Girl’.”
Oh, Khan. Your owners are just teasing you. They also say you are voluptuous and sweet. Maybe you’re not a riot grrrl. With your orange and white coloring, you sound like the feline version of ’60s pin-up Hilda:
Embrace those curves! I’m sure they have lots of Trader Joe’s Tuna For Cats waiting for you at home.
Hilda image via ToilGirls.com
Our life is frittered away by detail
Either the details on this flyer are complete conjecture, or the owners got this information from somebody.
And if they got this information from somebody, I would be awfully suspicious of that somebody. “Yes, I saw your cats being abducted. I followed the catnappers, and they drove the cats 2 1/2 miles away. Francesca the cat was killed by a car one block away from the dropping off point two days later.” These are weird details, and a lot of them, and either somebody is making this up or somebody is much too close to the situation.
For a while I was thinking that maybe Francesca’s chip could have provided that information, but if it had, couldn’t Juniper’s chip be providing information about her whereabouts right now? This is one of the most confusing lost pet notices I’ve ever seen. I sure hope someone finds Juniper and we can all go back to a life of simplicity.
