Crypto current sea

Aw, man. The LA River sucks. I can’t even believe they call it a river. Dumb concrete channel doesn’t even get wet unless it rains, which it never does. I mean, how can it be a river if people can race cars on it? How can it be a river if people film WWI battleground scenes and giant mutant ant attacks in it? Can people ride a boat on it? Can they fish? Is there even any wildlife that lives there? Why do they even bother having bridges over it?


What’s that?

Fine. Maybe the LA River doesn’t totally suck.

Thanks for all of your magic, SC Mero!

Heron go “caw”

I don’t know whether to tell you to turn your sound up or not for this video. If you turn it up enough, you can hear Josh Payne playing music on the banks of the LA River. If you turn it up too much, you can hear the girl on a first date talking about how much Los Angeles is different from Brooklyn. Maybe next time I will bring a more directional microphone.

Whatever you decide to do sound-wise, emulate the herons and try to enjoy some nature this weekend. Remember to keep breathing.

Published in: on September 18, 2020 at 4:52 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Looks more like Chewbacca

Down along the LA River this week, we found two versions of a lost pet notice regarding Chuy the chihuahua.

Here’s the modest version:

And here’s the somewhat more grand version:

Eleven-year-old included for purposes of scale.

Published in: on July 18, 2014 at 3:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
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A real tasty wagon

When I was in junior high, our school put on a production of the musical Grease. It being a junior high production of a play that featured a lot of profanity and a pregnancy scare plot point, there were a lot of changes that had to be made by our advisor Mr. Smith. Because I was cast as Miss Lynch, the “no-nonsense, serious, loud English teacher,” I wasn’t affected much, but Rizzo and Danny were particularly upset when lyric changes were watered down and showcase ballads were cut for propriety’s sake. “I swear my mom won’t care if I sing ‘pussy wagon,’ Mr. Smith. I SWEAR.”

It seems that a lot of other junior high schools had similar issues, and Samuel French now has a “school version” of the play.  I wonder how Mr. Smith’s version stacked up to this one.

I was reminded of all of this because last night we took Benny’s kids to an outdoor screening of the film version of Grease, and I was a little concerned with the jokes about the broken rubbers etc., but they did not seemed concerned. They were more interested in the ice cream truck parked on the side of the screen, and I must admit that it had a very nice hot rod painted on the side.

Unfortunately, it looked like it lost the LA River race to a banana split.

Better luck next time, Iced Lightning.


Back from the portal

Sorry for the late posting today, but I spent yesterday building a City of The Future with some friends and I just got back. Sometimes it takes a while to get back from the future.


For a while, it seemed like the city was going to be a crowded and violent dystopia

ruled by a giant silver head named Zubox,


but then this other guy came along


and everything was good again.futurecity2


Hooray for our monkey overlord of the future!

First and last photos by Benny, photos of Zubox and Smart Chimpgod by Michael R. Perry; other photos by me

Published in: on August 10, 2009 at 8:48 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Etiquette & superstition: frogs


There’s a neighborhood near my house that is known as Frogtown. It’s apparently called Frogtown because of its proximity to the LA River, and the former proliferation of toads around said river. Some people apparently don’t know the difference between frogs and toads. Anybody with a passing interest in etiquette and/or superstition should be able to distinguish the two, however. Today we will only focus on frogs.

ETIQUETTE: Frogs’ legs are a big pain in the neck to eat properly. You can only pick them up with your fingers after you have used a knife and fork to pry the bones apart and pull off the majority of the meat. Pretty much the only thing that is good about frog meat is that it is permissible to eat on Friday even if your religion has a “no meat on Fridays” restriction. For purposes of church dietary law, frogs are considered fish. So are beavers.

SUPERSTITION: A frog possesses the soul of a dead child, so it’s unlucky to kill one. An exception can be made, however, if you have cancer. Swallowing a bunch of small frogs whole is your best cure in that case, and if you already have cancer you’re pretty unlucky as it is, so you might as well try it.

A startling vivid revelation of savage rites

Has it really been less than a year since Benny and I first met our friend G.E.T. via a sign he left on the LA River bike path? It seems like so much longer than that, somehow. We’ve had so many wonderful adventures with him and his cohorts already. Why, just this past weekend we:


and later on we:


Of course, things eventually devolved into:


but overall, I think we stayed focused on the higher task at hand. That task? Art, of course. Blackmail’s out of the picture, as none of us have any money to speak of. It’s ART, I tell you.

Bike path puzzle

Benny called me the other day from the bike path along the LA River.

“You have to see this lost cat poster.”
“Well, bring it home!”
“I can’t. It’s too big. And it’s made out of foamcore.”
“What is it?”
“You just have to see it.”

No description, no phone number. Just some mysterious symbols and a big hole in the shape of a cat. And what’s that on the left?

Why is that laminated? What was this all about? Benny tried to fill in the blanks.

Nope. Still a mystery.

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