“Dang it, Clark! I was totally winning the race. Pete was taking a nap over there under that tree, I had finally overtaken him, and you had to go and pick me up. I’m not lost, I tell you. Just put me back down and let me get to the finish line, and then after that you can pick me up all you want. Clark. PUT ME DOWN.”
Something’s developing, friends. I’m not sure what, but something’s definitely developing. Let me just lay it out for you, and maybe you can help me put the pieces together.
You may recall that some months ago I came across a few desperate “Lost Turtle” notices. I’ve seen a lost turtle flyer before this group of notices, actually, and the idea of a lost turtle never fails to make me laugh. I mean, I know it’s sad, but not being able to track down an escaped turtle is like losing a glacier. Lost turtle. Ha.
This past weekend, Jennifer Sharpe posted a photo on Flickr of a really good “Found Turtle” notice. This particular flyer followed the format of the “Found Bunny” poster I have in my collection, in that the finder required interested parties to identify the animal in order to claim it. As with the bunny, I think this was done over some concern that the animal would be claimed by a nefarious chef lacking stew ingredients rather than the rightful pet owner.
And then, on my way to work yesterday morning, I drove by the following:
Wow, I thought. What a coincidence. The very same flyer. I went at lunch to retrieve the flyer for my collection, but when I compared it to Jennifer’s, I noticed that it was not the same flyer at all. This one had different phone numbers, and the description of the turtle was readily provided. It was a different found turtle.
So what’s going on? I have three theories:
- Both Jennifer and I are the victims of some sort of turtle-themed prank.
- Jennifer is in fact the perpetrator of, or at least an accessory to, this prank. After all, her father is Mal Sharpe, a man who has made a career out of confusing people. I don’t think this is the case, however. Judging by her NPR pieces, Jennifer seems more interested in digging through dumpsters and finding houses that look like spaceships than trying to convince a random person on the street that a coyote is in fact a musical instrument.
- The turtles are coming. Everybody run. Or at least walk briskly.