Fancy notions #6

Boy, I feel sillier than a pig wearing galoshes. Turns out that guy who predicted the big nuclear war today is just some nutcase who changes the date of the impending apocalypse whenever it doesn’t happen: “I said June 12, 2008? Oh, geez; I meant 2009. Sorry.” His nuclear baby story is way past its due date at this point. So, sorry if I worried anybody.

Now, of course, I have all of these nuclear holocaust survival supplies lying around cluttering up the house, so I would like to offer some of them to you as today’s Fancy Notions selection:

It’s a collection of white buttons in various sizes and styles, and the buttons fit nicely into a white vinyl Barbie backpack. Buttons can be very important after a disaster; you never know things like this until it is too late. The backpack snaps closed for added security.

I have included a quarter for perspective* in the photo, but you do not get the quarter; just the backpack full of buttons. For those unfamiliar with how this works, if you are reading this and would like the backpack of buttons for yourself, please email me at herndonofsunnyvale(at)gmail.com. The button backpack will go to the first person who writes in with “fancy notions” in the subject line.

*This is a new perspective quarter. After much debate and negotiation, it was decided that the previous perspective dime should be given to former Minister of Fancy Notions Weights & Measures Joaquin as a golden parachute. All executives who are caught misappropriating funds these days seem to get a severance package of some sort, so I suppose it’s only fair.

Time to cram

I have so much to do when I get home from work tonight. Apparently there’s going to be this big nuclear war tomorrow and I’m totally unprepared. You know, I always thought I was prepared, having read all the Beyond War pamphlets my mom had lying around the house when I was a teenager, but now that I think about it, all I really learned from those pamphlets was that nuclear war is bad. And that’s rather obvious.

So now I have less than a day to prepare. Do I need to stock up on kelp and Figurines diet bars, or is that going to kill me? Do I have a portable radio? Is it even going to work after the blast? Do I need sunglasses?

Or should I just relax and stop worrying? I could relax in the basement, I suppose. But there are rats in the basement. Oh god; are the rats going to mutate into giant rat monsters and eat me? Okay, I have to calm down. If I’m going to be in that basement with giant mutant rats I’m going to have to keep my wits about me. All right; deep breath. Let’s just sit down and relax and watch a nice cartoon and forget about things for a moment. I can think about all this nuclear war stuff later.

Published in: on June 11, 2008 at 12:06 pm  Leave a Comment  
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