Sir Cough, a guy

I seem to be way behind in posting vacation photos. We’re already in Memphis, and have passed through Cairo and Little Egypt and I can’t remember what else and I still haven’t shared my photos of all those mysterious fiberglas tombs we found all stacked up together.

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Published in: on September 15, 2015 at 8:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Etiquette & superstition: use of non-human excrement

cowpatty
I guess I’m still on this rural kick. I’m not sure what that’s about. I fed an apple to a pit bull today. That felt kind of rural and urban at the same time.

ETIQUETTE: Cow manure is a nuisance to some, but quite valuable to others. It can be used as plant fertilizer, fuel for building fires, and cures for what-have-you (perhaps we’ll save that for a later post). If you find yourself in need of some cow manure and you are lacking a cow, it is impolite for you to simply sneak onto your farmer cowboy neighbor’s property in the dead of night to steal some patties. Seriously. Besides it being rude to steal, you might freak out the cows, and freaked out cows are bad news. Just ask your farmer cowboy neighbor if you may have some. He/she is most likely going to say it’s fine. Rabbit poop is also really good for plants, but again, ask that rabbit farmer and don’t just take it. A freaked out rabbit is even worse than a freaked out cow sometimes.

SUPERSTITION: Stepping in dog poop with your left shoe is good luck, as is a bird pooping on your head. Nazis in Africa during WWII thought that running over camel dung was good luck, but then the Allies apparently heard about this and started making land mines that looked like camel dung, so that didn’t work out so great for those Nazis, did it? Ha. That’s a pretty good story…

Okay, okay. I can’t wait anymore. I need to talk about the most amazing shit superstition – amazing because it’s true. Well, maybe it’s true. It was printed in the newspaper a long time ago, about my friend Rob. Take a look.

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There you have it. Cow dung cures warts. Maybe. See, Robbie Zabrecky grew up to be a magician, so it’s entirely possible that this wart-disappearing incident was some early illusion of some sort. He’s a really good magician so I wouldn’t be surprised if he could do this sort of thing when he was 12.

Mini cow photo by pablocomotion on Flickr; newspaper clipping courtesy of Mr. Zabrecky

I believe the preferred term is “bicyclatrixes”

It’s only Tuesday, and already I need to interrupt Monkey Alert Week for a quick etiquette refresher for my fellow velocipedestriennes, courtesy of The New York World. The full list is on brainpickings.org; my favorites are:

  • Don’t be a fright.
  • Don’t cultivate a “bicycle face.”
  • Don’t wear laced boots. They are tiresome.
  • Don’t contest the right of way with cable cars.
  • Don’t chew gum. Exercise your jaws in private.
  • Don’t ask, “What do you think of my bloomers?”
  • Don’t scratch a match on the seat of your bloomers.
  • Don’t discuss bloomers with every man you know.
  • Don’t scream if you meet a cow. If she sees you first, she will run.

I’m anticipating a problem, however: what if the cow doesn’t run, and asks you about your bloomers?

via The Hairpin

Purveyance conveyance

There are two pictures on the outside of Guss Meat. Actually one picture rendered (hey!) by two different artists. One is sort of pastoral, with an old-fashioned truck carrying animals resigned to their fate to the abattoir:

The other one was painted by an artist with a cruder technique. The truck is more modern and sort of… drafted rather than drawn, and the distortion of the animals conveys a sort of anxious and queasy desperation that the other one does not:


Then again, when I look back at the first picture, I start to wonder if the expression on the animals’ faces is one of silent judgment rather than simple acceptance of their fate. I can’t tell. Which picture do you like better?

Published in: on December 12, 2011 at 7:20 pm  Comments (1)  
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Bust a moove

A long time ago somebody told me that the ruminant nature of cows’ digestive tracts makes cows basically drunk all the time, because of the fermentation going on inside them. I don’t think that’s quite accurate, but if it were, these cows would be the least rowdy drunken Dixieland audience I’ve ever seen:

Seems like they prefer “When the Saints Go Marching In” to “A Closer Walk With Thee.” I wonder if that means anything.

via Metafilter
Published in: on November 17, 2011 at 10:04 am  Leave a Comment  
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