Last year’s frames, this year’s frames

Before the pandemic, you may recall that I had a recurring worry about an impending war between humans and apes for general control of the planet. And you know, I stopped worrying about that as soon as the pandemic hit. Not only did I have bigger things to worry about, but it felt like the apes relaxed a bit. Maybe they figured we could exterminate ourselves and they could just relax until such time that happened. Maybe it was something else.

However, without the apes to worry about, I noticed other things seemingly conspiring against Benny and me while we were stuck in lockdown. Namely, a lot of our water-based appliances broke down. Faucets. Tubs, both of the bathing and hot category. Washing machine. Dishwasher. I’m not sure what that meant, if it meant anything at all. Eventually we fixed and/or replaced them and whatever that was settled down.

This year, it’s sharp things that are causing problems. Garbage disposal. Food processor. Knife tips breaking off. Also lots of broken glassware and crockery. Hopefully this will settle down as well.

In the meantime, the apes still seem calm. They aren’t using axes. They aren’t stealing kids’ motorbikes. They aren’t hiding in suburban tract housing developments. The worst they seem to be doing is rudely critiquing women’s eyewear. Does this mean anything?

@minorcrimes

So I’m down a pair of sunglasses but up a very good story #monke

♬ original sound – Lola Testu

(sound adds nothing to this video; you might as well mute it)

One of those days

Even an off-registration picture is worth a lot of words. Maybe not a thousand, but a lot.

I’m not sure who I am in this picture, other than I’m pretty sure it’s not the Buddha.

Old World, old news

You know, when more than 50 guinea baboons escape from their enclosure at the Paris Zoo and the the news stories quote zoo officials saying, “They’re stronger than us,” you think you might be able to find a follow-up story some days later that says something more reassuring than “By Friday afternoon, all except four of the baboons had been reportedly captured and returned to their enclosure.” But here we are four days after the event and all I can find is a brief message on the zoo website indicating that they re-opened on Sunday.

Did they find those four other baboons? Or did those last guys escape to parts unknown

and the media decided we’re just too bored with the story now because the initial event happened nearly a week ago? I don’t know about you, but I’m still pretty interested.

(Yes, I know that’s a cartoon chimp, not a cartoon baboon. Kindly take your corrections elsewhere, friend.)

 

 

Ponderous

We humans are just getting too ridiculous and horrible. The day looms when the other primates get sick of our shit. They’re gonna steal our crowns and throw us down the garbage chute. It’s coming soon. Can you feel it?

I can feel it. Panels 2 Ponder feels it. Check them out online for more wisdom, or maybe even buy their book. 

A card held in reserve

The more you look at this photo, the more you realize it isn’t just some wacky stunt for the tourists.

This Chinese monkey is revealing his true colors. Which candidate will most destabilize humanity, thus making an easy victory for monkeys in their impending war against humans? The enemy of my enemy is my friend, indeed.

Without human control

There hasn’t been a post here for a while about the impending man vs. ape war, but rest assured I have been monitoring the situation. It’s just that there hasn’t been any news. Until now.

Apparently some Dutch goofs flew a drone over the chimp exhibit at Burgers’ Zoo in Arnhem, and…

Yes, the drone was completely destroyed. Can you blame them?

Maybe his name is Drake

Another gem from Panels2Ponder.com.

I am pondering which of the following is correct:

• Never call a monkey a duck. It will make the monkey very angry.
• Never call a monkey “Janet.” It will make the monkey very angry.
• Never call a redhead a duck. It will make the monkey very angry.

What do you think?

Cliffs notes

It’s still a little early in the game to make any real judgments, but so far my California History class is stranger than my class on Magic, Religion and Witchcraft. To wit, here are some facts I’ve just learned about my home state’s early days:

• The state was named after an island of Amazon women ruled by Queen Califia. They had weapons made of gold and rode into battle on the backs of their trained griffins.
• Head of the Spanish mission system Father Junipero Serra was 5’2″ tall, and he frequently beat and burned himself to stop the bad thoughts. He also seemed to be really proud of his ulcerated leg that developed from an untreated insect bite.
• The all-important representative of the Spanish crown with control over the Caribbean, Mexico, and the southwest part of the future US in the late 1700’s was a fellow named Joseph de Galvez. Galvez had a really hard job to do and he kind of went crazy from all the pressure (or maybe he was always crazy), and when the native Americans in the region kept repelling Spanish rule he decided that the best thing to do was to get together an army of 600 apes from Guatemala to defeat them. Somehow this plan never came to fruition; I’m guessing he either got some rest or maybe one of his underlings said they were working on it and he forgot about it.

That’s it so far, but I’m sure there is more to come.

Who eats lettuce in the bathroom?

There are five commonly accepted collective nouns for a group of baboons:

• a congress of baboons
• a flange of baboons
• a rumpus of baboons
• a tribe of baboons
• a troop of baboons

I’m pretty sure this is a rumpus.

via Arbroath, via Neatorama

Cornelius fallen

My friend Sweater Chicken broke the news to me this morning that the Mystery Monkey of Tampa was captured after about three years eluding The Man. Drugged up. Caged. Renamed. Ugh. It’s like the saddest movie in the world.

Much love to you, Cornelius. Here’s hoping you find a lady friend in your new home with whom you can make a baby. You can name him Caesar.