Kyle Basa

Back in high school, I collected Garbage Pail Kids cards. GPK cards had gross pictures of not-cute monstrous Cabbage Patch-style kids with rhyming or alliterative or corny joke names. A kid eating his own mucous was Snotty Scotty. A head being preserved in a jar was Formalde Heidi. Most of the kids also had a twin, which was a card with the same image but a different name. Formalde Heidi’s twin was Decapitated Hedy.

Anyway, most of these names made sense in their own way, and I enjoyed most of them, but there was one I could not abide, and that was Hot Doug’s twin Fran Furter. FRAN Furter? How could you think of Fran Furter and not go to Frank Furter? Who was responsible for this?

Then I went back and checked out GPK Series 1 and 2 cards and found Furry Fran, Schizo Fran and… Fran Fran. I guess there was a GPK artist with a thing for the name Fran.

This story doesn’t really have a resolution, but that makes it perfect for today’s cartoon, which also doesn’t really have a resolution. It features hot dogs, at least for a while.

 

Jurassic Pork

I went for a walk yesterday around the La Brea Tar Pits. The paleontologists there are working on something called Project 23, which is a study of what was excavated during the construction of a parking lot across the street. Right now they are sifting through their 14th enormous box of dirt, and they are finding a lot of interesting things. One of the things they found recently was the jawbone of a very young mastodon which they have nicknamed Little Timmy. That’s the nickname of the mastodon, not the jawbone. Anyway. Besides Little Timmy, so far they have found a bunch of bison bones, a mammoth molar, a saber-tooth cat scapula, and many other alliterative items. One thing they have not found yet, however, is a Canadian baconsaurus:

baconsaurus

This specimen was found somewhere within the depths of reddit by Neatorama. He looks pretty well preserved, but I’m not sure how he would fare in a matchup against Little Timmy.

Pink party pony Pixie poached?

There’s this pony in Queen Creek, Arizona named Pixie that has a pink mane and tail. Or she was in Queen Creek. She’s missing now.


The owner isn’t spinning any bullshit story about how she needs to find Pixie because Pixie needs meds or anything; she’s just saying, “She needs to be fed, she needs water, she needs to be treated with kindness.”

I’m hoping Pixie just went to the mall and forgot to tell someone where she was going, and not actually stolen, because I have a terrible feeling that someone who would steal a pink-maned-and-tailed pony is not someone who knows much about treating things with kindness. Augh boo…

Published in: on November 23, 2011 at 9:57 am  Leave a Comment  
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Life and death and music theory with Walt Disney

You’re born, and then you hit some stuff with a slingshot, and then you have an ice cream soda, and then you play football, and then you meet a golddigger, and then you get fat, and then you get old and insane, and then a baby pushes you off a cliff. The circle of life.

Also, there’s a slutty sparrow and lots of lollipop licking.

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