Weekend plans

How do I get invited to one of these?


The importance of punctuation

This ice cream truck wouldn’t have seemed nearly as sinister to me if there had been exclamation points after Donald’s and Daisy’s utterances.

Yes, Donald would still be waving stacks of cash around, but his deadpan cynical “WELCOME TO HOLLYWOOD” and Daisy’s opium den prisoner “HELLO” response are what chill me to the bone here.

There was actually a more disturbing drawing of Goofy intoning a similar “HELLO” on the back of the van, but that open back door spooked me and I had to get out of there. Welcome to Hollywood.

Point taken

I’ll keep this post short and to the point.

That’s a mighty fine pointing hand you have there, Armon, scraped knuckle and all.

Published in: on March 25, 2015 at 4:31 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Cold-pressed atomica

I’ve driven by this fruit and vegetable market too many times without taking photos. I rectified the situation today, as I know from experience that even the best storefront artwork can disappear in the wink of an eye as the victim of “remodeling” or whatnot.

I fell asleep a lot in Art History class, but I know enough to say that these are clearly influenced by works from Dali’s Atomic period, in which he explored philosophical and spiritual interpretations of Quantum mechanics.

I’m not very well versed in the hard sciences or philosophy, but I do love a good cutaway diagram presented artfully.

And I’m not sure, but I think I’m starting to see Jesus in these oranges. Maybe there is something to this Quantum mysticism stuff after all. I’m calling this one He Who Believes In Me Will Never Get Scurvy.


Soft serve pastoral

Benny and I visited our friends Peter and Sally this weekend in the Valley. We don’t see them enough, and so I’m sure we overstayed our welcome (we actually invited ourselves over), but they were very gracious as they always are and insisted that we stay until the ice cream man came by.

The sun went down, we had eaten as many hot dogs and slices of grilling cheese as we could possibly cram into our stomachs, and still there was no ice cream man. “He comes at night,” Sally explained. Hm. “It’s soft serve!” Okay. We would have to see this ice cream man with his mysterious night-time soft serve.

Some time after 7 pm, we were playing dice games in the backyard when Peter and Sally’s heads shot up. “The ice cream man!” They sprinted toward the back gate that opened onto an alley. Benny and I heard nothing. No tinkling music, no slowly choogling motor, nothing.

Peter climbed halfway over the gate and started waving desperately. A van sped by. Peter waved more broadly as Sally shouted. “It’s okay, he’ll come around again.” Either the first time or the second time around (he was going really fast), the van driver finally stopped well past the gate and backed up to us. Peter managed to get the gate open. And that is where we saw this ice cream truck.

There was something otherworldly about this truck, there was no denying it. The extensive menu including full dinner selections, the night-time silent speeding through alleyways – this was some secret and precious thing. Secret and precious even without a pastoral scene on the side panel of children swimming and playing

and enjoying ice cream and Cheetos

but of course this truck had that too. And yes, the soft serve was amazing.

Maybe this was all just a dream. If it was, thanks for the dream, Peter and Sally.

“U” as in Underrated

Have you ever seen a commercial graphic design that kind of breaks your heart because it could have been so good, but people were too dumb to appreciate it? The tooth here on the Union Dental sign is that kind of design to me.

Just look at that. How many times do you see a top molar on a dentist’s sign? Never, that’s how many times. Everybody goes with the bottom molar, probably so that when somebody draws a face on the tooth it looks like the tooth has legs instead of devil horns. The Union Dental tooth, though, he goes his own way.

And that’s the part that kills me. That top molar design was obviously chosen because it suggests a U. U as in Union Dental. Furthermore, I have a feeling that the person who designed this originally made the tooth stand in for the U, but when he or she presented it to the client, the client said, “Nion Dental? What’s Nion Dental? We’re Union Dental. Nobody’s going to get that.” And the designer did as he or she was told, silently crushed as he or she is silently crushed on so many jobs.

Maybe you didn’t come here today for a sad story and a low-quality photograph, though. Maybe you came here today because most of my “good tooth/bad tooth” posts feature some toothy guy with a funny face. Fine. Here’s what Benny made me for breakfast on President’s Day.

Probably more for a restaurant than for a dentist, but that would make a good logo.

Published in: on February 26, 2015 at 7:01 pm  Comments (1)  
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Rival gang of the Golden Fang

I have this category here called “good tooth bad tooth,” in which I normally rate dental mascots by their appeal. “Bad tooth” usually means an unfavorable tooth, most often a tooth that has its own set of teeth, but this week we have a different kind of Bad Tooth. This guy here is Baddest Man Alive, Bad Bad Leroy Brown, b-b-b-bad to the bone bad.

This tooth is being embraced by a cobra. Even though it’s turning blue at the top, I know it’s being embraced and not squeezed to death because cobras are not constrictors. And also this tooth would not allow itself to be squeezed to death. It is best friends with a cobra. It is One Bad Tooth.

My friend Princess Gorilla Suit* found this “dental office” yesterday and brought my attention to it, but she did not mention the other windows flanking Bad Ass Cobratooth.

Silver lions, ready to pounce. This place is so clearly a front for a secret society. A very dangerous secret society. Why do I suddenly feel like I’m in a Thomas Pynchon novel?

*Obviously a pseudonym. I’m not going to get her in trouble with this dangerous secret society by revealing her real name to them. Only a dummy would post photos of this secret society using their real name. Oh wait… shoot.

A little dairy air

There’s a war going on for my milk money on the north 200 block of Glendale Boulevard. How am I going to choose between Silvia’s Market and Simon’s 98 Cent Store? They are within spitting distance from one another, and despite Simon’s boasting I can’t imagine their prices are much different. There’s only one way to resolve this. I’m going to judge these books by their covers.

So, Silvia:

silviaand Simon:

Call me crazy, but I think I’m going with Simon.

Published in: on November 20, 2014 at 4:55 pm  Comments (4)  
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The mascot for Crystal Dent seems a little timid.

He has a tentative smile up on the side of the building, but as soon as he gets to the door

it’s gone. What’s wrong, Mister Tooth? Are you afraid of the dentist?

Published in: on November 14, 2014 at 5:56 pm  Leave a Comment  
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A little dab’ll do ya

Normally I find these teeth with teeth troubling, especially ones with those one long shelf tooth on top and one on the bottom, but

Super Molar here has a hairdo made of toothpaste. Come on. This guy is clearly a winner. He’s also blushing.

Thank you for finding Super Molar, Jenny Torpedo!
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