A couple of months ago I bought some neon pink clogs. I’ve been doing a lot of unusual online shopping during this pandemic, but the neon clogs might be at the top of the list. I’m just… still not sure about them. Were they a mistake like that first flimsy laptop stand? Were they a success like those boxes of mini stroopwafels? Were they an “I’m gonna show Benny that these are completely practical no matter what he thinks” like those wire holiday garlands that I was going to wrap around the extension cords in the backyard because… uh, I know there was a reason I was going to do that. Hedge clipper electrocution risk reduction and nocturnal pest annoyance. Or something.
But the neon clogs. I guess I thought they were going to be hot pink. I guess I thought I was going to look like an Anteros renaldus:
Nope. They are brighter than that. Brighter than something called a jewelmark butterfly. All I have in common with the Anteros renaldus right now is fuzzy legs.
So what do I do with these besides wear them with black or gray clothing? They are 1983 neon bright. They cast pink light instead of shadows. I have never been so confused by an article of clothing that I actually own.
Right now the sky is an apocalyptic shade of amber and I can only see the closest set of hills from my living room window. If things start getting really bad here like they’ve been in Oregon and northern California, maybe I can wear these clogs and Benny will be able to find me through the haze if we get separated while we’re out and about. Wait – we don’t go out and about anymore. Because we’re still in a pandemic. Maybe I can start working on a concept Halloween costume – early ’80s MTV Anteros renaldus.
What? Halloween is cancelled?
Maybe these are my new gardening clogs.
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