If this isn’t a dog costume, I don’t what is

My brilliant friend Nessie entered the Long Beach Howl’oween Parade dog costume contest with her dog Merf this weekend.

They did not win, and while I feel that’s kind of an outrage, I can’t stay mad too long when I look at the winner.

It was kind of a ridiculous day and I would recommend it to anyone. Turn on this Halloween playlist from WFMU and take a look at some of the other contestants and spectators.





Sexy robot overlords

Janelle Shane has done the world a great service by training a neural network to come up with some good Halloween costumes. The neural network did not disappoint. Some highlights that you might want to try:

  • Celery Blue Frankenstein
  • Lady Garbage
  • A masked box
  • Shower Witch
  • Zombie Fire Cith Bader Ginsburg
  • The Barboon
  • Sexy The Super Bass
  • Statue of Pizza
  • Panda Clam
  • Sexy scare costume
  • Barfer

There are more ideas here and here. There’s still time left this weekend to work on one of these. Barfer should be pretty easy.

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Published in: on October 27, 2017 at 11:22 am  Leave a Comment  
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Loves them ghosks

You know, maybe Bluto’s so mad all the time because people never pick up on his hidden talents. Look at all he does in this cartoon. He’s a gifted ventriloquist, mimic, marionettist and special effects makeup artist. On top of that, he knows how to tie a cravat.

Stop chasing Olive, Bluto. There’s some other girl out there just waiting for a special star like you.

Published in: on October 14, 2017 at 7:45 am  Leave a Comment  
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But can she bake a cherry pie?

There’s a pretty good gag in this cartoon involving the raspberry jam making a “raspberry.” I started wondering why the derisive noise also known as a “Bronx cheer” came to be known as a raspberry, and I learned that it comes from Cockney rhyming slang. “Raspberry tart” = “fart.” Well, there you have it. Enjoy those tarts, everybody.

A cup of kindness yet

2017, I’m trying not to burden you with a lot of expectations. Google autofill gave me “worse” when I typed in “2017 will be…”, and even when I typed in “2017 will be better,” the first result was an op-ed entitled “2017 Will Probably Be Terrible,” accompanied by a Wal-Mart ad.

I don’t know what to do here. 2017, am I cursing you to mediocrity by not pushing you to be the best you can be? Or am I putting too much pressure on you if I do that, dooming you to failure? Oh, 2017. What will you be?

 

Published in: on December 31, 2016 at 10:13 am  Leave a Comment  
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Wanna buy a duck?

It’s snowing on the blog again, which means it’s time for Christmas cartoons. Hooray! I think I get a lot of the old references here, though I’m not sure why Bing Crosby is a wind-up goat. I don’t understand the jack-in-the-box/bead toy “Why are you wearin’ the whiskers?” exchange, either. Anybody know what that’s about?

Hi, holidays!

I know I woke up at 7:45 of my own volition this Saturday morning, but I’ve never identified with Scrappy as much as in this cartoon. I’m ready for the holidays. I mean, not ready at all but ready as a child might be ready. But Thanksgiving is not until Thursday so I might need to go back to bed for a little bit as soon as I post this.

A ticket, a tocket

I got some brand new rockets for this year’s Rocket Day. One is tall and thin and shaped like a pencil. Benny laughed at me for getting it but it’s supposed to go really high. The other one is short and squat and isn’t supposed to go really high, but it kind of looks like SBI-5.

I’ll let you know if I encounter any Atlanteans or dinosaurs or fancy space millionaires while flying it. Wish me luck.

Hot punch

I know it’s too early to start planning a Halloween party but my friend Chuckles and I were looking through the File o Fun this weekend and I started getting excited. The File o Fun is a card file of activities that Chuckles found at her work, and it has all sort of suggestions for making parties and dances less boring. There are games like Potato Knockout and Lemon Dance, skits to perform, suggestions for a really good blindfold, and instructions about when you should and should not award prizes at your party. The File o Fun seems like something Amy Sedaris would own and use often, much to the chagrin of her friends. Our version is from 1970 but it looks like there is a newer edition available on Amazon.

Something I didn’t notice before this weekend in the File of Fun was the section devoted to “detailed party plans.” These plans fold out into full-sized pieces of paper, and while most of them look good enough to print onto a t-shirt, there is one that stands out – the Halloween Family Night.

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Yes, that may be clown makeup there on the bottom. We’re not talking about that – let’s look at the actual activities.

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Peanut Lag! Apple Biting! Jail! And then there’s the Danger Corner:

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This party sounds awesome. As soon as I determine what the Peanut Lag is, I’m going to try to put this shindig together. Google isn’t helping me and the File o Fun doesn’t have a master table of contents, so it may take me until October to figure this out.

Etiquette & superstition: single at Christmas

christmascracker

Last year I wrote an etiquette & superstition post noting that if you were going to be a crank during Christmas, you should probably just stay home by yourself and not ruin everyone else’s fun. Sometimes you’re by yourself over the holidays through no cranky fault of your own, however. Treat yourself to some nice takeout or something and try to take it easy. It’s going to be okay.

ETIQUETTE: Miss Manners notes that questions from acquaintances such as, “What did you do for the holidays?” and “Did you have a nice Christmas?” are to be taken about as seriously as “How are you?” That is, not seriously at all. These are meaningless pleasantries. You don’t go into a litany of your financial, spiritual and physical woes with the grocery store clerk when you get a “How are you?” from them when they’re ringing you up, do you? (Please say no.)

So if you spent Christmas alone staring dead-eyed at the wall, this is not the time to share that information. You got through the day; why do you want to relive it, and above all, spread your horror to another person who was just trying to give you the verbal equivalent of a friendly wave? Get out of your brain for a moment. If you truly had the loneliest day of your life and need to unload, please take a friend aside at some time when you can really have a deep, two-sided conversation about what you experienced. If you don’t have a friend to talk to, feel free to write to me in a private message and I will listen. My email address is in the “About” section of this blog.

SUPERSTITION: If a single girl bangs on the door of the chicken coop really loudly on Christmas Eve and a rooster yells at her before a hen yells at her, she will be married before the end of the year. If she goes into the garden at midnight and plucks twelve leaves from the sage bush, she will be met by an apparition of her future husband.

If you really live in solitude and your only companions are ghosts, you will be alone on Christmas Eve because that is one night that ghosts never appear (sorry, Charles Dickens). If you were born on Christmas day, you will never see a ghost in your lifetime.

Photo by Matthew Matheson via Flickr
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