The host with the most

The other older gentleman besides Jacques Pépin that is keeping me cool and calm during this global case of the sniffles that has wiped out over three-quarters of a million people on the planet (so far) is someone Benny found while looking for some YouTube crafting videos. Like Monsieur Pépin, this fellow has a smooth voice, he’s very open to letting you experiment with the techniques he demonstrates, and he seems to like young children. Folks, if you haven’t met him already, I’d like to introduce you to The CrafsMan.

He may have other things in common with our friendly chef from Lyon, but it’s hard to tell for sure because The CrafsMan is a man of mystery. I believe he lives somewhere in Louisiana, and he is married to a lovely woman, and he may or may not still have a regular day job of some sort. Other than that, he’s an enigma. A smooth, yet fuzzy, enigma.

There also seems to be no end to his interests and expertise. Do you want to learn how to:

? The CrafsMan has got you covered. If for some reason watching someone make cool crafts makes you feel pressured and inadequate, you can just listen to The CrafsMan talk about some of his favorite things. If all you really need is some ASMR to calm down and The CrafsMan’s normal videos make you laugh too much, heck, he’ll read you some Frog And Toad Together by Arnold Lobel. Eventually, you’re probably going to find yourself imitating The CrafsMan. It’s okay. Lots of other people do it too, and he doesn’t seem to mind.

I don’t know how we’d ever get to meet him in real life, but that would be such a neat thing. I imagine him coming over to Benny’s workshop and examining all of the boxes and drawers and things, and they could talk about different kinds of tape and rubber hams and maybe the baby skunks would come out to meet him, and … oh mercy. I need to calm down. CrafsMan, if you ever read this, know that you have a place to stay in LA when things get safe again. In the meantime, keep on steady craftin’.

Hot punch

I know it’s too early to start planning a Halloween party but my friend Chuckles and I were looking through the File o Fun this weekend and I started getting excited. The File o Fun is a card file of activities that Chuckles found at her work, and it has all sort of suggestions for making parties and dances less boring. There are games like Potato Knockout and Lemon Dance, skits to perform, suggestions for a really good blindfold, and instructions about when you should and should not award prizes at your party. The File o Fun seems like something Amy Sedaris would own and use often, much to the chagrin of her friends. Our version is from 1970 but it looks like there is a newer edition available on Amazon.

Something I didn’t notice before this weekend in the File of Fun was the section devoted to “detailed party plans.” These plans fold out into full-sized pieces of paper, and while most of them look good enough to print onto a t-shirt, there is one that stands out – the Halloween Family Night.


Yes, that may be clown makeup there on the bottom. We’re not talking about that – let’s look at the actual activities.


Peanut Lag! Apple Biting! Jail! And then there’s the Danger Corner:


This party sounds awesome. As soon as I determine what the Peanut Lag is, I’m going to try to put this shindig together. Google isn’t helping me and the File o Fun doesn’t have a master table of contents, so it may take me until October to figure this out.

Where the men are at tip-off

Nobody’s invited me to a Superbowl party yet. Maybe my reputation as someone who shushes people during the commercials and searches for an alternate TV on which to tune in the Puppy Bowl during slow moments has preceded me. That’s too bad. I’d be really good at a Superbowl party now that I’ve watched Katie and Katy from Just The Tips test out a faux football helmet facepaint suggestion found on the internet.

If you couldn’t already tell from that video, Katie and Katy are rather tremendous. Those amazing “life hacks” and incredible tutorials you find on lifestyle websites and Pinterest? Whether it’s glitter pumpkins, swants (remember swants? Sweater pants? No? Carry on), Kim Kardashian’s facial countouring, or A Dependable Stool, Katie will do it terribly with much enthusiasm and Katy will glumly knock it out of the park. They both can’t stand the concept of “life hacks.”

These women are incredible, and they should be famous. Watch five more of their videos now, please,* and then maybe invite me to your Superbowl party.

*Full disclosure: I have begged them and they have agreed to me being their personal assistant when they become famous. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS TO HAPPEN.


I don’t know, Helen. I’m pretty happy that Benny just called a cleaning crew instead.

Thanks, Rebecca Lynn!
Published in: on August 29, 2011 at 10:24 am  Leave a Comment  
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An eye for patriotism

I know you’re probably already getting set to celebrate the day our northern neighbor got its independence united three British colonies into one British colony by getting out your toques and novelty hockey gear, but I’d like to propose that this year you might want to step up your look with a little extra glamor. Why not make this Canada Day one to remember?

I may have mentioned before that I am a bit of a slob, so I’m not normally a person you should look to for glamor tips, but I do have a friend named Miss Ziffel who is not only glamorous but also very generous with her beauty tips. Today Miss Ziffel is going to share her secret to beautiful eyelashes. Take it away, Miss Ziffel.

today I made my own false eyelashes out of MY HAIR!


1. i cut some of my hair
2. glued it to my eye w/ eyelash glue*! WAH LAH!

CURL hairs first! since putting a curling iron that close to yr eyebawls is scary!

Thank you for the tip, Miss Ziffel. Tonight I will chug maple syrup shots with my best face forward.

*Editor’s note: If you are a slob like me, you probably do not have any real eyelash glue in your house. I can attest that glue stick works as fine substitute.

Sexy super flower pop op warning

I know I haven’t posted a lot lately. I have a good reason though, I promise. A while ago I ingested this stuff that is actually legal but I don’t know why, and ever since then I’ve been hearing horns and seeing nuns and brides with glittery pasties and soldiers everywhere, and man, am I a wreck. Ladies and gentlemen, don’t ever tell you that I didn’t warn you about the majestic terror of Afri Cola:

via Coudal
Published in: on February 24, 2011 at 1:16 pm  Leave a Comment  
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And be merry

I applaud everyone who has made a resolution to eat better this year, but I would like to remind people that eating better doesn’t mean just mean eating less or eating more healthfully. It means eating better; eat good food and enjoy yourself while you’re doing it. And the role model that madamjujujive, eugenen at metafilter, and I would probably direct you to for this lesson is Miss Platnum. Speaking as a person who has played a trombone in a hot tub, I can tell you that Miss Platnum knows how to have a good time.


The Blue Flame

If a hardhat-wearing ape, an effeminate robot, and a gaggle of sexy nurses stop you on the street one day and ask you to tell them a story about a time you got injured, you should do it. Your story might be immortalized in paper dolls.

(Warning: video NSFW because of puppet nudity)

For all your Bauhaus flooring needs

Never take an art history class that is scheduled just after lunchtime. You’ll stay awake long enough to know that the overall aesthetic of Carpet Town’s mural is heavily influenced by the works of Kandinsky and Oskar Fischinger,

but the food coma will kick in just before you find out where the hand came from.

Do you like worms?

If I grew up in a place where they had to tell me not to poop outside unless I wanted to get worms, I guess I would be okay with it if it were a frog puppet named Ro-Revus telling me not to poop outside. I guess.

via the genius that is everlasting blort
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