Just your clown

I think I have decided to stop documenting my daily work from home outfits. On Monday I was fine, and put together some sort of Holy Mountain/Juliet Of The Spirits get-up:

but things were feeling a bit forced and I was also getting worried that I was veering into Mimi from The Drew Carey Show territory. Work has been as busy as ever, and finding outfits that I can sit in all day while concentrating has been a bit difficult. Cocktail dresses are 100% out of the question, as are cheap wigs and 20-eyelet combat boots.

Yesterday I looked down at my pants

and started seeing patterns that I knew weren’t there. This was especially troubling because I had already made a joke about “The Yellow Wallpaper” to a friend last week who had a fever and was self-quarantining in a golden-hued bedroom (she tested negative for the COVID-19, thankfully), and I don’t want any strange women to start climbing through the flowers into either of our lives. My house is crowded with strange men and girls and babies as it is.

So yeah, I’m going to quit this before things get to the point of no return. I have a serious job and an important reputation to live up to.


Now pardon me while I go fetch my emery board.

La deuxième semaine

Here we are at the second week of working from home due to the national stay in place directives. How’s everybody doing?

I personally found myself slipping a bit in terms of pep in the mornings, not feeling like combing my hair or putting on makeup and wanting to just stay in my yoga pants, but 1) I really did have trouble waking up and being alert and just minimally aware on the mornings that I felt like that – I actually had to get dressed in order to keep the day from slipping away in a haze; and 2) this week John Lurie exhorted everyone to “be fucking adorable” in order to help our fellow man. And I don’t know about you, but I am so happy that John Lurie beat Lyme disease and is with us mentally again that I am going to do what he asks here, or at least give it a good effort.

So here’s what I may or may not have worn to work this week. I learned something this week – namely, that I have an awful lot of pink and purple in my wardrobe. I guess it might be an obvious thing seeing as pink is my favorite color, but pink or purple or pinky purple was in every outfit this week and I didn’t even try.

I’m wondering if Mondays are going to be Muumuu Mondays. Technically this is a tacky-ass polyester dashiki I bought for $6.99 at Ross Dress For Less and not a muumuu,

but this is the second Monday in a row that I’ve worn a floor-length flowing gown so maybe a pattern is emerging. And yes, that is a crown:

Benny made that crown for me. It’s an excellent crown.

Tuesday is when things really weren’t going very well. It started with me unhappy that I was doing a cravat thing again with a scarf

which is fine and all, but I always seem to do cravats… or ascots, or whatever that is. This scarf maybe needed to be highlighted a little more, so I started trying to do things with the scarf that I see ladies who scarf it up seem to do, and

just

no, and I found myself needing to speak to the manager IMMEDIATELY


and Rhoda Morgenstern decided to call it a day with the scarf experiment.

Wednesday I had another staff meeting, so I thought I would try to profesh things up with a nice blazer

but I also had to wear my new black turtleneck sweater, and whenever I wear a turtleneck I need to wear a medallion of some sort, so maybe I looked kind of ’60s satanist. I don’t know. Was Kenneth Jay Lane a satanist? I actually did see this medallion of mine in The Love Witch.


Of course, witches and satanists aren’t the same thing so I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. Moving on.

Wednesday night is when my friend directed me to John Lurie’s plea, so Thursday I decided to try for that adorable thing.

I might be in that no man’s land of too old and also too young for adorable right now. I tried, John Lurie. I tried.

Where’s the pink, you ask?

Well, they look more pink in person. They are definitely in the pink-purple family. Yee haw.

And now we’re here at Friday. I started getting really cold at some point yesterday, and my stomach also started hurting, so I started freaking out because I thought I was getting sick, and then I realized I was just cold because… it was cold in the house. So this morning I nipped that in the bud with a faux fur hat and my bathmat coat (and another medallion)

AND

Hot Socks. These are bead-filled slippers that you throw in the microwave for about a minute, and when you put them on your feet are very nice and toasty. You can’t really walk in them, but we’re working from home now so this isn’t an issue.

If there is one thing so far from my work from home wardrobe that I would like to figure out how to integrate into office wear when we’re back to business as usual, it’s these Hot Socks. Any thoughts?

Prêt-à-rester

With the widespread directives to work from home this week, a lot of American office workers expressed some muted excitement about being able to join their permanent telecommuting compatriots in wearing pajamas all day. This minor joy was soon quashed, of course, by countless articles that immediately cropped up online exhorting workers to continue to dress as if they were going in to the office, and thus stave off… confusion? Sloth? Unproductivity?

I decided to go a different route. I got up and dressed and put on makeup every morning this week, but there was no way in hell I was going to put on regular office clothes if I didn’t have to. And I think it worked. I felt awake and productive, and now I had a goal as well. I realized that if I was going to keep this up I was going to have to learn how to take better selfies.

Monday I started off a little slow with a hostess gown –


Tuesday, of course, was St. Patrick’s Day –


I had a virtual staff meeting on Wednesday so I wanted to look… French, I guess?


Maybe not French. I dunno:

Thursday I summoned the power of Charlie Brown:

And today, I did some sort of tribute to The Wizard Of Oz to cap off the week. I was going for lions and tigers and bears

but it was more leopards and tigers and


bees. Then I remembered I had a teddy bear barrette:

and all was well. Except for the selfie taking. The selfie taking is the most time-consuming part of this odyssey so far, but maybe that will get better. How long are we doing this?

Published in: on March 20, 2020 at 5:01 pm  Leave a Comment  
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In your heart, you know he’s tart

Friends, you know I try to keep politics out of this place as much as possible, but today is a very important day for a lot of people in the US. There are so many states voting in the primaries today that the list sounds like the extended mix of a nine-year-old song by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros. So I am going to break the unwritten rules of Fancy Notions and make an endorsement.

Fancy Notioners, I urge you to cast your ballots for


Lemon Baines Johnson. He’s an iconoclast, he’s cool-headed compared to the other lemons we know in the public sphere, and I think he’s in it for the long haul. He’s been sitting on our counter for a couple of weeks now with no signs of withering. He might face some troubles if I need to get a hefeweizen during this long primary season, but let’s just see how that goes.

 

The riddle of the 2 Freeway

I’ve been looking at this piece of graffiti near my house that’s on a bridge over the Glendale Freeway. At first I assumed it was a dog and shouted, “Aw, look at that guy!”

But the more I’ve looked at it, the more I’m convinced it’s a rendition of this guy:

Has a math-loving pharaoh moved into the neighborhood? Freemasons? Is the freeway really a Hall of Records for ancient Atlantis?

It’s probably a dog.

(UPDATE – Saturday, November 23rd)

It is the Sphinx! It is! Someone helpfully added the Great Pyramid of Giza to clarify:

Sexy robot overlords

Janelle Shane has done the world a great service by training a neural network to come up with some good Halloween costumes. The neural network did not disappoint. Some highlights that you might want to try:

  • Celery Blue Frankenstein
  • Lady Garbage
  • A masked box
  • Shower Witch
  • Zombie Fire Cith Bader Ginsburg
  • The Barboon
  • Sexy The Super Bass
  • Statue of Pizza
  • Panda Clam
  • Sexy scare costume
  • Barfer

There are more ideas here and here. There’s still time left this weekend to work on one of these. Barfer should be pretty easy.

via Metafilter
Published in: on October 27, 2017 at 11:22 am  Leave a Comment  
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And the rest, 2017 edition

From my last two posts whooping and hollering about the amazingness of some different lands that we visited, you might get the impression that I don’t appreciate the USA. That would be wrong. I love a place that has this merry-go-round sign for a Chinese restaurant

and this giant polar bear casino

and this crazy pastime

and this sign

and this fish ladder

and so much more that there’s no way I can include even just the best stuff from a four-state road trip in one post. I love you, USA. This isn’t a popularity contest. Chill out.

Fraud and country

Benny and I have been a little out of contact with the rest of the world this week, as we were traveling to a remote country on our way to the eclipse. We were very excited to visit the micronation Republic of Molossia

and were charmed by the benevolent dictatorship greeting us at our arrival,

but there were a few hairy moments when we realized that the catfish ban in the country had been enacted because of a feud with some noodling folks where Benny hails from. We hoped they would not Okie-profile us.


They didn’t. We got in.

One of the first things we toured was their energy infrastructure, which seemed rock solid.


We were also taken to their war monument, which made us wonder a little bit about the volatility of the place, but we were assured that we were safe.

Alas, their transportation system suffered a major disaster during our visit. I personally think the kid in the baseball hat performed some sort of sabotage, but the chief constable (pictured) seemed less concerned with placing blame than with getting everything back in service.

All in all, it seemed like a very nice place to live. The president even delivered a more eloquent speech last week than our own denouncing intolerance in various guises, and I guess I would be pretty happy living here, but unfortunately their immigration policy is extremely tight and merit-based. This guy got to become a citizen

but apparently we don’t have what it takes. Oh well. I guess we’ll stay in the USA.

Kyle Basa

Back in high school, I collected Garbage Pail Kids cards. GPK cards had gross pictures of not-cute monstrous Cabbage Patch-style kids with rhyming or alliterative or corny joke names. A kid eating his own mucous was Snotty Scotty. A head being preserved in a jar was Formalde Heidi. Most of the kids also had a twin, which was a card with the same image but a different name. Formalde Heidi’s twin was Decapitated Hedy.

Anyway, most of these names made sense in their own way, and I enjoyed most of them, but there was one I could not abide, and that was Hot Doug’s twin Fran Furter. FRAN Furter? How could you think of Fran Furter and not go to Frank Furter? Who was responsible for this?

Then I went back and checked out GPK Series 1 and 2 cards and found Furry Fran, Schizo Fran and… Fran Fran. I guess there was a GPK artist with a thing for the name Fran.

This story doesn’t really have a resolution, but that makes it perfect for today’s cartoon, which also doesn’t really have a resolution. It features hot dogs, at least for a while.

 

I scream for a new outfit

It’s hot. I’m not thinking straight. I’m looking for ice cream shoes.

No, not those. It’s too hot for those. Maybe a flat.

Maybe. Or a sandal?

Well, darn it. Those look too small. Grr. Forget it. Maybe I need to cool my head down a little bit.

Oh gosh. They even have bubblegum flavor. Now where’s my wallet?

Images via Shoe Bakery, Etsy, and Zappos. Follow links for details
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