Etiquette & superstition: noses

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About a week ago I decided in the morning to do an etiquette & superstition post about “triangles,” because I had an etiquette point in mind but decided it was going to be too difficult to find a matching superstition for that exact topic. The vaguer “triangles” subject was going to cover both.

Well, this was all well and good until the evening when I was trying to figure out what the hell my “triangle” etiquette point was going to be about, because of course I hadn’t written it down. I wound up at about 11 p.m. going on Facebook and asking for help from friends for what topic this triangle etiquette thing was supposed to be about. Nothing clicked, and things got pretty weird suggestion-wise.

Benny was snoozing peacefully on the couch as I was muttering, “What is it… what IS it…,” and I guess I was getting a little loud because he asked what I was going on about, and I said, “Etiquette. Triangles. What could that be?” And still half-asleep he said, “Cheese?” And that was it. Benny knows me well.

You’ll notice this post isn’t about triangles. Turns out there aren’t a lot of great superstitions regarding triangles. Let’s move on to noses*.

ETIQUETTE: When cutting a bit of brie from a wedge, it is extremely rude for you to cut straight across the wedge, taking the tip for yourself. This is known as “cutting the nose” off the cheese, and it’s rude because this part is thought of as an especially delicious and creamy part of the cheese. Before this wedge was a wedge, it was part of a circle of cheese, and that tip is what was in the center of that circle.

What you need to do is slice a thin sliver lengthwise along one of the sides of the wedge so that you have some of the center, some of the middle, and some of the outer rind. Oh, and don’t scoop the middle out of the brie, leaving the rind on the plate. Take all of that even if you’re not going to eat the rind (which you really should, I mean come on). I don’t know if this is called picking your nose, but maybe it should be.

SUPERSTITION: A woman’s elbow and a dog’s nose are both cold because when Noah’s Ark sprang a leak, Noah couldn’t find his tools to fix it so he stuck his dog’s nose in the hole. The dog couldn’t breathe, though, so Noah grabbed his wife and jammed her elbow in there. Thanks, Noah.

If you have a nosebleed, you can cure it by stabbing a toad, putting the toad in a sack, and wearing the sack around your neck. Or you can find some moss from a dead man’s head and put that on your face. If both of these are too adventurous for you, you can just take a cold key and press it on your back. Yawn.

Photo by wackystuff on Flickr
*”Why didn’t you just write an etiquette & superstition post about cheese?” you might ask. Well, I already did that. And yes, now I’ve screwed myself if I find a good etiquette tip about noses, but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Etiquette:
    After you’ve prepared a kettle full of rabbit and possum stew for dinner, it is incredibly rude to step out onto the porch and haphazardly clang the “soups on” triangle right over grandpa’s head while he is asleep on the porch swing. Although there may be family working out in the field, one must take into consideration all the other kinfolk or domestic pets that are lying in close proximity to the triangle and whom may have anxiety disorders that will be aggravated by such a racket. In scenarios such as these, it is best to simply remove the triangle from the window hook, step a bit further out into the garden, look both ways and then clang the triangle. Grandpa and Rufus the bloodhound will appreciate it.

    Superstition: Never cross The Bermuda Triangle. It is the place where the world keeps most of our left socks, right gloves, thumbdrives, headphones, luggage, keys, hats, chapsticks, lipsticks, phone charging cables, branded office gift bag pens, wallets and children.

    • Have you been looking at my edits? This is actually eerily close to what I had open in my tabs but rejected in favor of cheese noses. EERILY close.

  2. Benny the Cheesemaster.


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