Look in the land of the Hyperboreans

After finding this lost dog notice

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I started reading about the Labors of Hercules and am now very grateful that I was not born a demi-god bastard in ancient Greece*. You should be too. If you had, your stepmom would have driven you insane – like kill your wife and kids and best friend insane – and then you’d have to do stuff like chase a deer around the world for a year and repair clothes while in drag and clean up 30 years’ worth of cow poop, just so everybody knew you felt really bad about what you’d done when you were insane. And all this because your dad tricked your real mom into having sex with him by pretending to be her husband.

Maybe this Hercules isn’t having such a tough time of it, though. Maybe he’s simply playing with Orthrus and Cerberus and wondering what it would be like to have more than one head.  Don’t worry, owners of Hercules; I’m sure he’ll be back before too long. There are no dog treats in Hades.

*Yes, I know; Heracles is the greek name. Just let me have “Hercules” here, will you?

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