Etiquette & superstition: pots to piss in

I spent some time last weekend visiting the porta-potties pictured above. The one labeled “WHORES” was markedly cleaner than the one designated for “LADIES.”

ETIQUETTE: After using a porta-potty, put the lid down. Have you ever noticed that PVC pipe that goes up to the roof of the potty? That’s a gas chimney that transfers heat and odors from the waste area to outside. If you don’t put the seat down, the gas travels up through the bigger hole in the seat rather than up the pipe, and that stinks up the area you’re sitting in.

SUPERSTITION: If you want to give a wedding gift that will provide good luck to newlyweds in the Philippines, you can’t beat a chamber pot. I’m not sure where the luck comes from, other than the luck that the newlyweds aren’t in France. If they were in France, they would be expected to consume all of the wedding party leftovers that their friends have scooped into a chamber pot.

Scrubbing the kitchen floor each morning with the contents of your chamber pot will keep that kitchen floor clean and sparkling. If you want to cure corns, apply some of the dried-up urine crystals from the inside of a chamber pot to your afflictions.

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