Word of the day for Tuesday, January 13th (plus bonus word)

This lady I know has a very funny kid who invented the word “shrumbling” when he was a toddler. Shrumbling seems to be something having to do with dancing while you’re pooping your pants. There might be more to it, which is why I hedged the previous sentence with “something having to do with.” It may be something much, much more. I haven’t talked to this lady for a while, but I know her kid is past the toddler stage so I imagine he’s at the “Shrumble? I don’t know shrumble” stage now. We may never know the depth of shrumbling.

This post is not about the shrumble, however. It’s about the
Glitter Text
Chumble! Goddamn. We have had a problem with chumbling for a while now, but over the holidays it really reached a head. Chumble: to gnaw like a mouse or rat.

So, we had this rat and for some time we could not figure out whether it was a mouse or a rat because it was eating all the bait and popping both the mouse and rat traps but it never got caught. I suppose at this point you think that this thing is a hero rat. Whatever. Make your own cartoon in your head. If you like, you can add this – there was a time when there was a fire in the kitchen and Benny had to run downstairs and I’m sure this rat would have liked for him to have fallen into the rat traps we had all along the stairs… but Benny did not. So much for that hilarious cartoon.

The point is, this rat was a jerk. While family was staying in our house over the holidays, this guy tried to make us look extra bad and lax and vermin-infested. He ate a lemon, an onion, and then chumbled the prop tomato made of foam that we had kept in our fruit bowl for years. He gnawed the entire circumference of this fake tomato thinking, “There’s got to be a good spot here somewhere.” What an ass.

Anyway, we finally caught him. It was fairly quick. A snap trap. I watched him die. I’m sort of sorry, because both Benny and I have had pet rats. We like rats. But this guy was a jerk. Chumble in heaven, jerk.

Published in: on January 13, 2015 at 7:38 pm  Leave a Comment  
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