To Make a Dadaist Banana Slicer

There are some commenters on Amazon that seem to be paid by the word for writing reviews of mundane objects. There are some who seem genuinely desirous of helping one’s fellow man in the search for the perfect bucket. Some seem bored. And then there is Amazon commenter GoldWave.

I feel like I know a lot about GoldWave (she has an elderly cat, suffers from toenail issues, enjoys snacking while doing household renovations), but I don’t know why she has written 463 reviews about such items as apple pectin for pets, Q-Tips and The Communist Manifesto. The closest I can figure is she is providing material for cut-up technique writers. All right, then. Let me take a crack at using what she has provided.

Whiplash Salvation! It’s all about a bunch of nobody jerks. How good is canned spinach going to be? My fingernails will even go right through these bags, and then I decided to try this turkey version. I had become jaded by nail cutters over the years. They weren’t at all bad, just not as crispy. Okay I am not using it for potato chips. However, out of necessity, I’ve also learned to settle, depending on where I (or my finances) happen to be. If you have a cat that has gotten to that “only wants to eat sauce” stage, you might want to try this product, since it is by far the sauciest I’ve found. It has a peculiar mincemeat flavor. I adore spices like cinnamon, and I’m an adventurous eater with exposure to many varied types of cuisine. I’m not using the pepper one as I grind pepper fresh but will probably start using it for cinnamon. The cartons look deceptively small but each one produces a large skillet full of hashed browns. My only problem is that it is HUGE and I have small hands, so using this is going to be a little more of an effort than I originally envisioned. I have small hands, but not like freakishly small. Oh well; I guess my complaints are sort of irrelevant, since this is what this is.

Hm. Nope. The original full-length reviews are much better. Why is she doing this?

Thanks (I think) to winna on Metafilter

 

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