I’m having some trouble figuring out if tonight is the vernal equinox because of Daylight Saving Time, or if it’s tomorrow. I’m not sure it really matters.
ETIQUETTE: The vernal equinox is a lot like Easter. You hunt eggs and decorate everything in pastel colors, and crocuses, bunnies and chicks figure prominently. You pray for rebirth, you light candles and give thanks for the return of the Sun, and… well, it’s just Easter but you call it Ostara. Oh wait – don’t ever call it Ostara. Only an idiot would call it Ostara. Call it Lady Day instead, and you have half a chance of fooling some Christian into celebrating it with you because they think they’re remembering the day Mary found out she was pregnant.
SUPERSTITION: On the day of the vernal equinox, you can make an egg stand on its end. You can make a broom stand on its end. On the day of the… oh, hold on a minute. I just can’t go on with this. Everybody except for your local TV news reporter knows that this stuff about standing things on end during the equinox is a bunch of hooey, right? So let’s get down to some actual important things to know about the equinox.
Rabbits are kind of crazy around the vernal equinox, and rabbits are ruled by the moon, and the moon affects the weather, and so the equinox has a tendency to bring bad storms. Rats; it’s been a few years since I had to write mathematical proofs. I may have left out some steps in the logic above. But yeah. The equinox brings some crazy weather, including earthquakes. Oh, but earthquakes aren’t caused by rabbits; they’re caused by the giant beast Leviathan, who sleeps across the equinoxes (his head is at the autumnal equinox and his tail is at the vernal equinox) and like the rest of us has to move around in his sleep. Except he only really moves around every 72 years or so the earthquakes don’t come every year or anything, and… uh, maybe if you’re talking about this with Christians or Jews you should use the name Typhon instead of Leviathan because they have a whole lot of other beliefs about Leviathan and then you’re not just talking about the weather.
Let’s just stick to the simple stuff. Water is unfit to drink on the equinox because it has been tainted with blood. It might be Lilith’s menstrual blood, it might be the blood of John the Baptist, it could be blood from a fight between Leo and Scorpio. Never you mind that. Just keep it at blood and don’t drink it and you should be fine.
UPDATE: 7.4 magnitude earthquake this afternoon in Oaxaca. Settle down, Leviathan.