Dead cats and banjos give you their hearts

Some people over at The Awl are discussing what holiday song should be crowned “Most Horrible.” It’s hard to choose; I don’t think you get to win just by being a song that’s overplayed for four weeks out of the year, or for just being a crappy rendition of a holiday classic.

Nobody’s mentioned it yet, but I think I think my choice has to be “Blue Xmas” by Miles Davis w/Bob Dorough. Doesn’t ring a bell? You know, it’s that cheery tune sung by the Schoolhouse Rock guy that goes

And nearly everybody’s standing round holding out their empty hand or tin cup
Gimme gimme gimme gimme, gimme gimme gimme

Geez. Just kill yourself already, Song. Even Miles Davis thought you were bullshit.

Anyway, what started this whole debate about “Most Horrible Holiday Song”? It was the original post’s assertion that Wham(!)’s “Last Christmas” should take the prize. And while I was never a George Michael fan,* I don’t think any song that has been covered 485 times can be called “Most Horrible.” Sure, some renditions are terrible, but then you have the ones that feature:

I don’t think “Blue Xmas” would translate nearly as well.

*That’s not entirely true. I did become a George Michael fan as soon as he got arrested for solicitation in that public restroom. That is a rock star.

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