I didn’t get my hair cut until I was in first grade. I suppose there must have been times in my toddlerhood when I got some sort of cursory trim to keep the hair out of my eyes, but by the time I was in kindergarten my hair was so long I could sit on it. I’m not sure what prompted my mother to urge me to cut my hair, but one afternoon in first grade, there we were, talking about how I should get my hair cut. My brother said, “You should get a bald haircut,” and thinking he was saying “balled haircut,” I agreed very enthusiastically. Balled hair. Wouldn’t that be hair that’s really curly, i.e., in the shape of balls? Sounded great. Mom said no.
ETIQUETTE: According to JP Donleavy in his etiquette guide The Unexpurgated Code, “The shiny head top condition is highly prized by some ladies. However it is true natural baldness which counts. If you are not blessed with this it is abhorrent to fake it.”
SUPERSTITION: If you want the highly prized shiny head top condition in order to attract the ladies, all you need to do is cut your hair while the moon is waning or allow a bat to fly into your coif. Your tresses will be falling out in short order. Go get ’em, Tiger.