Christmas pants for the Fern Dell ghost

What an exciting morning this has been. It’s been so exciting that I’m going to recount my morning’s activities to you in the present tense so that you can be in the moment with me, as it were. But first, a little backstory.

For some weeks now, the Fern Dell ghost has been doing his morning exercise routine while wearing a pair of jeans with a huge rip in the seat. This has been depressing to me, so I have decided to do something about it. At first I think I am just going to leave a spare pair of pants and a note on the Fern Dell ghost’s vampire bike explaining that if he left his ripped pants for me, I would repair them for him.  Benny thinks this is a terrible idea, however, and I have to admit that he is probably right that I shouldn’t be messing with the Fern Dell ghost’s pants.

So this morning I am just going to leave a spare pair of pants for him and not make the offer to repair the original pants. I actually got two pairs of pants yesterday at Goodwill, because I’m not quite sure of the Fern Dell ghost’s pants size.


I prepare a note,


put the pants in a waterproof bag, and get going. I am leaving about fifteen minutes before I usually leave for work, because I always see him on my way to work and I want to get to where he parks his bike when he’s off on his walk.

As I drive by the tree where the vampire bike is parked, I see the Fern Dell ghost walking toward the bike. Damn it! Why is he early this morning? Furthermore, the rip in his pants has been mended, so this pants-giving is now rather pointless.

I’m already here with a bag of pants, however, so I decide to park on Hobart anyway. Maybe I can make it before he reaches his bike. It’s kind of a long block, and he was still sort of far away from the bike when I passed him. I get the bag and the note, and round the corner. He has walked past his bike, and is coming my way.

I turn around quickly back around the corner and wait for him to pass. There is a little alcove in the corner where I can wait unobtrusively. Maybe I can even get a photo of him as he walks by. I wait, and wait, and the gardeners working on a house on Hobart are starting to look at me. I poke my head around the corner again, and notice that the Fern Dell ghost has turned around and is now walking away from me. He has walked past his bike. Perfect!

I quickly walk toward the bike, and place the bag down next to it. It is a nice bike – an old Bianchi.


Mission accomplished. The Fern Dell ghost will have new pants this Christmas, even though he doesn’t really need any now that his pants have been mended. I look up, and see that the Fern Dell ghost has turned around again, and he is heading my way. He can clearly see me near his bike. Oh no. I didn’t plan for this. I hustle around the corner and get into my car.

I go around the block so I can drive past the bike and the bag and the Fern Dell ghost. Uh oh. What is going on? The Fern Dell ghost has walked past his bike again, and the bag is on the sidewalk, ten feet away from where I placed it. He has seen my gift and rejected it. It’s possible that he even kicked the bag. I’m going to have to investigate this further now. I go to Fern Dell Street and park.

I wait for the Fern Dell ghost to ride by on his bike. Eventually, he is going to have to stop walking back and forth on that one block and get back on his bike. Then I will be able to see if he has come around about the pants. The MILFs in training are at the park, doing their exercises with their strollers. They notice me sitting in my car near where they are exercising. They decide to take a walk. I guess I am not a very inconspicuous surveillance person.


Finally, the Fern Dell ghost rides by.


Does he have the bag of pants?


No. Damn it. He didn’t take the pants. Maybe he’s mad. I hope I didn’t make him mad. I’m going to have to check out the bag again to see if he kicked it, or left a note of his own, or what. I go around the corner again and park on Winona.

I walk down the sidewalk toward the bag and check it out.


The note has definitely changed position on the bag, so it appears that he has read it. It doesn’t look like the bag was kicked. I check the note for any response he may have left, but it only has my original message on it. I guess he just decided to leave the pants for somebody else. I walk away.

As I’m walking away, I walk past a speedwalker going the other way on the sidewalk. I suddenly get nervous that the Fern Dell ghost is going to come back on his bike and confront me for some reason. He already saw me after I put the bag down, and I’m not wearing a disguise right now because I wasn’t prepared for all of this, so he’s going to know it’s me if he comes back this way. I start walking faster.

I keep on walking and it seems like an awfully long way back to my car all of a sudden. I’ve offended the Fern Dell ghost and he’s probably going to yell at me for thinking he was a hobo or something. This was a terrible idea. I turn around to see if he is approaching. What am I going to do if he yells at me? This really was a terrible idea.

The bag is no longer on the path. I look further and see that the speedwalker has taken the bag.


It appears that the Christmas pants have found a home after all. Merry Christmas, speedwalker, and you too, Fern Dell ghost. Don’t be mad. I just didn’t want you walking around with a rip in your pants.

Published in: on December 19, 2008 at 12:01 pm  Comments (1)  
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  1. […] What a disappointment. I had been looking forward to watching this romance bloom. This was like the Fern Dell Ghost all those many years ago, who got spooked and was never seen again once I left some pants for him […]

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