Sesame feat

When I was a  kid, I had a real problem with “taking two trips” to load or unload the car with luggage or groceries or whatever. Lurching with five bags, balancing something under my chin – whatever. It was better than taking two trips. Is this a kid thing? I’m okay with taking two trips now, and not being able to take two trips seems crazy to me.

I think Ali and Scrappy and definitely the camel could have benefitted from taking two trips.

Published in: on April 29, 2017 at 8:57 am  Leave a Comment  
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Has a first name, has a second name, has a third name

Apropos of nothing, today I learned that bologna goes by many names in its various guises:

Distant cousins are:

Woof. The loaf variants are starting to gross me out. Let’s not invite them to the next Circle Meat family gathering, okay?

Photo of the Dachshund UN by Craig Bush on Flickr

Duck tape

Too bad Dinky didn’t get to do an ad for Chapstik. That one would have been easy.

Etiquette & superstition: knuckle cracking

Recently I was on a group forum and I denounced knuckle- and various other joint-crackers as “monsters.” I thought I was being funny, but apparently some joint-cracking enthusiast with experience in the dark arts took offense and put a curse on me, as last night during dinner I very quickly developed some sort of TMJ disorder and now my jaw won’t stop cracking. I apologize, Monster. Please remove this curse. It is driving me insane.

ETIQUETTE: Cracking your joints is not going to give you arthritis. It may or may not reduce your grip strength. But it will annoy someone around you. You can count on this. If you are having discomfort in your joints and the only thing that will alleviate the discomfort is a good hyper-extension of that joint, by all means crack away. But if your knuckle-cracking habit has developed into an unconscious tic that provides you with no actual benefit, break the habit now. That co-worker of yours that hums incessantly? You are worse. Seriously, stop it.

SUPERSTITION: Cracking your knuckles breaks the bones of a deceased loved one. It is also the equivalent of praying the rosary to Satan. On the other hand, it’s a good way to tell how many people are in love with you. Pop all your knuckles and listen for how many cracks come out; that’s how many admirers you have in spite of your terrible joint-cracking habit.

Photo by Dave Goehring on Flickr

One egg is un oeuf

I think you look fabulous in stripes, Fred, but I’m a polka dot gal myself so I understand your preference here.

A shoe (gesundheit)

Benny and I were driving around Burbank the other day when he suddenly told me to drive through an alley around the back of a mini-mall on Hollywood Way. “Look,” he said. Look, I did.

And that’s when I saw a car shaped like a red monkey boot. Not sure why they went with monkey boots as the shape instead of Vans…

Published in: on April 11, 2017 at 5:25 pm  Comments (2)  
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He don’t use jelly

As a morality tale, I’m not sure this Toddle Tale works very well. If I were a kid, this cartoon would make me terrified of birds, and I would also want to know where I could get such a large quantity of jam.

Word of the day for Wednesday, April 5th

As I’m typing this post, I’m running my tongue over a chip on the edge of one of my top incisors and trying not to think about that tooth scraping against one of my bottom incisors. As you may have experienced, it is extremely hard to not think about something specific, and right now I’m thinking about this chipped tooth scraping another tooth and I’m experiencing a bit of

Glitter text

grima. Grima is a Spanish word describing the feeling you get when you hear fingernails scratch a blackboard, or when you merely see fingernails scratching a blackboard, or even when you just think about fingernails scratching a blackboard. It can also be induced by an eating utensil scraping a porcelain dish or, in the case of my friend Shelly and a grima researcher in Madrid, the very idea of foam rubber (particularly old foam rubber). A feeling worse than disgust, grima stimulates the brain’s fear processor and markedly affects one’s heart rate.

I don’t have a very nice closing bit for this post, but I’m going have to stop typing now. I need to go find some pudding to meditate upon before I go nuts thinking about my chipped tooth scraping against another tooth. Have a good, grima-free day, friends.

Published in: on April 5, 2017 at 8:40 am  Leave a Comment  
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Greatest Dog Of All Time

This dog looks like the dog from that “look at this awesome dog” flyer from some years back. This guy is so awesome he needs two names.

It’s possible that he’s out hunting murderers, but my money is on him being out in the field getting his exploratory committee together for the 2020 presidential race. Not Neutered, Not For Sale.

Published in: on March 30, 2017 at 11:35 am  Leave a Comment  
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Took a walk and passed your house late last night

There are three silhouette gags in this cartoon, and while the third situation reveals itself to be less sinister than the shadow suggests, I still don’t know what exactly is going on there. Maybe that guy should be brought in for a psych evaluation just in case.

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