A funny thing happened on the way to the Apocalypse

I recently realized that I didn’t make part two of my “I found this bit of information while searching for some other information” list that I started in July while on a research job. That research job is now complete, and I’d rather think about anything other than the news today, so let’s finish this thing up.

  • There is a photo of Captain Kangaroo at the summit of Mount Everest; his grandson Britton put it there
  • Gary Busey was the last person killed on the TV series Gunsmoke
  • Westinghouse made a clothes dryer in the ’50s that played the song “How Dry I Am” when the load was finished
  • Robert Ardrey and Ashley Montagu were well-respected 20th century anthropologists with conflicting theories about the nature of aggression in humans. Ardrey believed aggression was innate, and Montagu believed it was learned. Perhaps less well-known: Ardrey was also a Hollywood screenwriter (credits include The Three Musketeers and Madame Bovary), and Ashley Montagu’s real name was Israel Ehrenberg but as a young man he changed it to “Montague Francis Ashley-Montagu” for some reason
  • There is no music composed by Beethoven (the human) in any of the Beethoven (dog) movies
  • “Stars and Stripes Forever” is only ever played by a circus band as a signal to personnel that a life-threatening emergency is happening and they must evacuate the audience
  • Mark Twain’s childhood hometown of Hannibal, Missouri is also the hometown of the voice of Jiminy Cricket, Cliff Edwards. Edwards died a penniless drug addict three and a half miles away from where I am writing this now
  • Singing trio The Andrews Sisters became estranged from one another in the ’50s, and Patty Andrews’ husband Wally is frequently cited as the reason for the estrangement. After LaVerne died, Patty and Maxene briefly reunited but soon separated again for reasons unknown. Upon Maxene’s death, Patty reportedly became quite distraught and Wally fell down a flight of stairs, breaking both wrists
  • A new species of iguana was discovered on Fiji after herpetologist John Gibbons watched the Brooke Shields film The Blue Lagoon and noticed some unusual specimens lurking in the background
  • 20th century composer Arnold Schoenberg was extremely superstitious and in particular suffered from triskaidekaphobia (fear of the number 13). He died on a Friday the 13th shortly before midnight
  • There is a Scottish variant of “She’ll Be Comin’ Round The Mountain” called “O Ye Cannae Shuive Yer Grannie Aff The Bus.” The song allows for you to shove your uncle Willie, your aunt Maggie, and even your paternal grandmother off the bus, but your maternal grandmother is not to be shoved off the bus
  • All-American kitsch favorite PEZ candy was invented in Austria; PEZ is a shortening of the word “pfefferminz
  • Watch this:

That ruthless but stylish pimp is none other than kindly Gordon from Sesame Street.

 

Word of the day for Thursday, January 19th

You may have noticed a cluster of insults experiencing an uptick in usage lately, but if you haven’t, most likely you will after tomorrow. Some are new, and some have been around a while. Snowflake. Mangina. Feminazi. Gamma. Beta. Beta cuck. Cuckservative. Cuck anything.

The last three examples are of course variants of “cuckold,” which is the word for a man whose wife has cheated on him, and that is apparently the worst thing in the world to be if you are either Shakespeare or a member of the alt-right community. If you are a man and you find yourself arguing with either Shakespeare or a member of the alt-right community, you will probably be called a cuck and at that point be inclined to argue with a name-caller about who is a cuck, who has cucked whom, and so on. Don’t. It is pointless to engage. Just smile and move along, and think of the lovely word

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

aporaphanidosis, which supposedly was the accepted punishment in ancient Greece for adultery. That is, the cuckold was well within his rights to stick a radish up the butt of the guy who had sex with his wife. And it seems to me that it’s far better to be a cuck than someone who is in danger of being violated by a salad bar. But that’s just my special little snowflake point of view.

Pole position

Felix is one heck of a loyal friend.

Published in: on January 14, 2017 at 9:42 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , ,

Word of the day for Tuesday, January 10th

I am really quite astounded at how little I can accomplish some days, particularly if it’s cold and wet outside. Now, I’m inside and I don’t know why what’s going on outside should have any effect on me, but my activity tracker says I’ve taken zero steps today so obviously something’s up.

I want to say I’m developing a

Glitter text generator

hibernacle, but a hibernacle is not a barnacle you get when you’re hibernating. The emphasis is not on the second syllable, but the third. A hibernacle is your tabernacle when you’re hibernating. I guess I am developing a hibernacle after all. It’s the couch. Praise be, and pass the fuzzblanket.

Thanks to Merriam-Webster’s Winter Words quiz for the inspiration today
Published in: on January 10, 2017 at 3:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Slay your own dragon

I don’t think the king in this cartoon is going to win a Father Of The Year Award any time soon. Keep on doing what you’re doing, Bedelia. You’ll be fine.

Please be carful

My friend Mike encountered these warning flyers at the Old Zoo the other day.

donodoapeepee

I’m glad someone is putting up warnings, because I for one do not want to encounter a flaming baby or a ginger police demon. The most menacing thing I’ve ever seen at the Old Zoo at midnight is a roving gang of Pokemon Go hunters, but I don’t think I should press my luck.

donodoapeepee2

It just stopped raining and I don’t consider myself particularly macho.

Photos by the ever-adventurous Mike Biggie

Cereal dater

Benny got me a 1957 Betty Crocker’s Cookbook For Girls And Boys for Christmas, and it’s inspiring me to resuscitate yet another subject category here that hasn’t seen much action lately: Quick & Delicious Dishes. There are some legitimate recipes in this book and it’s nice to see that adults used to trust children with hammers and boiling syrup, but my favorite items are the “maybe the editor was on a deadline and also drunk” suggestions that you can always count on in an old Betty Crocker cookbook.

The following rogues gallery is prefaced by the encouraging: “Just watch your little brother’s face when you surprise him with the Little Man Who Wasn’t There…” which actually isn’t as sinister as it sounds,

img_7917

except for the part where you’re putting an orange slice in milk. I’m not sure what the Smiles cereal for the Pig In A Poke is – it’s hard to tell if Sugar Smiles was still around by this time, and it’s definitely not Grins & Smiles & Giggles & Laughs, nor the smiley-faced Kaboom.

What I do know is that if I were a kid making a weird cereal breakfast treat for my brother, I’d choose this one

img_7919

but I’d call it When The Log Rolls Over, We Will Die, We Will Die. Just watch his face.

Advanced style

It’s been a while since we’ve had a fashion feature here, so why don’t we ring in the new year with a look at the innate glamour of a creature that has been around since the mid-Paleozoic era but is just receiving fresh attention, thanks to a recent underwater paparazzo? Ladies and gentlemen, meet your new sartorial icon – the feather star:

Her sister crinoid is no slouch in the style department either, with her crimson take on the feather theme:

Ladies, you turn “living fossil” into a compliment.

Published in: on January 2, 2017 at 4:55 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , ,

A cup of kindness yet

2017, I’m trying not to burden you with a lot of expectations. Google autofill gave me “worse” when I typed in “2017 will be…”, and even when I typed in “2017 will be better,” the first result was an op-ed entitled “2017 Will Probably Be Terrible,” accompanied by a Wal-Mart ad.

I don’t know what to do here. 2017, am I cursing you to mediocrity by not pushing you to be the best you can be? Or am I putting too much pressure on you if I do that, dooming you to failure? Oh, 2017. What will you be?

 

Published in: on December 31, 2016 at 10:13 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , ,

a/k/a Speck, Spot, Patch

I re-named one of my Neko Atsume cats “Smudge”

fullsizeoutput_1cda

and now I’m not sure why. He doesn’t have a smudge on him. Now this

img_7905

is a Smudge. I can tell why he has that name even without the helpful arrow.

Published in: on December 27, 2016 at 11:46 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , ,
%d bloggers like this: