Word of the day for Monday, May 23rd

Oh gosh – I found this word today, and thought, “Oh, I don’t need to write it down, I’ll remember it,” but then I didn’t remember it, and nearly put myself into a swivet trying to remember this word. Which is funny, because the word I was trying to remember was

swivet

swivet. Swivet! It means “a state of nervous or irritated concern,” or “panic or extreme discomposure.” Rhymes with divot and trivet and pivot. Its synonyms are pother and dither and tizzy. Thank goodness I remembered.

Published in: on May 23, 2016 at 7:01 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Snack pack

Last week’s cartoon was so lackluster that I feel I have to make it up to you today with two decent ones. They both feature eggs, Egyptian dancing, romantic mice and dachshunds. Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy Popcorn:

and Pretzels:

 

Your vote counts, but has to use its fingers

Don’t worry; I’m not going to talk about the US presidential race. I could barely handle all the “fuck you”s that my unflattering Jollibee post engendered years ago, so there’s no way I’m going to take on something as obviously volatile as this year’s contest for the Oval Office. Instead, I’d like to take a moment to shine a light on some candidates for the US Senate that my fine state of California has on its ballot this year. If you’re like me, you know that these lower-ticket races are just as important as the big one, but there aren’t any Facebook memes about these candidates so you actually have to do a little homework to know who to vote for.

The big thing to know is that there are 34 aspirants vying for one seat. That is a pretty big field to get through. Thankfully, thirteen of those candidates couldn’t handle submitting candidate statements, so I will eliminate those guys right off the bat. As for the remaining 21, I am happy to say that the spectrum of opinions presented is wide indeed. Here are some of my favorites.

There’s the 70-year-old Eagle Scout:

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the alarm clock:

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the mysterious acronym enthusiast:

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the mainstream Facebook president with driving core values:

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the Christian who actually seems to embody good, decent values and somehow that’s very confusing to me in this day and age:

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the … okay, this guy can go suck it with his Andrew Jackson nonsense:

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the only candidate willing to speak up about mind control slavery (tl;dr: she is against it):

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a beautiful video game unicorn:

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and the guy I’m probably voting for:

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So many different voices, almost too many choices! It’s such a breath of fresh air, isn’t it? I’m sure I’ll find someone who speaks for me. And you 13 who couldn’t turn in a statement? Try harder next time.

You can click on any photo to enlarge the image for ease of reading, or don’t. It doesn’t really matter.

 

Summertime hash

This cartoon is a mess. They just threw everything in the pot and looped some of the actions for good measure. Seriously, this is like a cartoon of floor sweepings. I don’t know why I’m posting it. Maybe because of that squirrel. I hope Farmer Al Falfa got his nice cocktail at some point.

Word of the day for Tuesday, May 3rd

I’m not taking a side on this issue, I’m just reporting that there is a word for the recent law that has just come into effect in Berlin banning residents from making their entire homes available for short-term rental without a permit. And that word is

zwecten

Zweckentfremdungsverbot. Thank you once again, German language.

Published in: on May 3, 2016 at 5:49 pm  Leave a Comment  
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What do you call a camel with three humps?

“There’s a place in France
Where the ladies wear no pants…”

What is the actual name of that song? “Egyptian Melody”? “Arabian Song”? “Camel Dance”? Benny is also finding alternate lyrics:

“On the planet Mars
All the women smoke cigars…”

Hm. Anyway, watch the women in this cartoon. They are wearing pants and not smoking cigars.

Etiquette & superstition: doves

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Once there was a dove who nested in a plant hanging from Smoothie’s porch next door. The plant was pretty high up but if you went up on your tiptoes you could see this one big quiet eye staring at you. It sounds scary but it wasn’t. It was nice.

ETIQUETTE: If you’re not a human but rather a male dove, you are probably preoccupied with finding a mate. When you have found a female dove who sparks your interest, the first thing you should do is fly around her in a circle with your head down. When you land in her vicinity, make sure to bob your head and stick your chest out while you make a lot of noise. If she shows interest, she will approach you and start to preen herself, signaling you to proceed with nibbling her around the neck. She will reciprocate. Next, you will grasp each other’s beaks and bob your heads in unison. At this point, you may commence with the loving. And now you’ve done it – you are joined for life. Congratulations.

SUPERSTITION: A dove is the only bird whose soul cannot be entered by the devil. A dove visiting a sick person is a portent of death, but also of everlasting peace to the soon-to-be departed’s soul. If you perch a dove on a coffin and it flies away in a southerly direction, it means the person in the coffin has gone to heaven with love in his heart.

Photo by Zach Armstrong via Flickr

Trigger warning

Maybe that’s just laughing gas.

Positive body image

My friend Taylor shared this gem of a flyer with me recently. It’s almost like an old riot grrrl poem.

“… answers to ‘KHAN’ and ‘FATTY GIRL.” “Hates dogs and being called ‘Fatty Girl’.”

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Oh, Khan. Your owners are just teasing you. They also say you are voluptuous and sweet. Maybe you’re not a riot grrrl. With your orange and white coloring, you sound like the feline version of ’60s pin-up Hilda:

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Embrace those curves! I’m sure they have lots of Trader Joe’s Tuna For Cats waiting for you at home.

Hilda image via ToilGirls.com

Screwy nuts

Does anybody have a lead on where I can get a bunch of dentures for free or cheap? I want to make a scary nut machine like the one in this cartoon.

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