Words of the day for Tuesday, November 24th

Thanksgiving dinner tends to have its share of things that you absolutely positively are going to be served whether you like them or not. Rather than falsely declare an allergy to a particular food item (please don’t do that), perhaps you could claim a phobia*. Examples:

MeleagrisphobiaMeleagrisphobia is the fear or turkeys. I believe it’s more a phobia of the live guys running around than of a giblet on your plate, but there is little chance that anybody at your table is going to know this.

No problem with the main course? Perhaps you have

Potnonomicaphobiapotnonomicaphobia, which is a fear of potato products, particularly mashed potatoes. Please note that this is incredibly rare. Most people with a potato-related phobia tend to fear the eyes on old potatoes if a simple Google search is to be believed. Now that I’m thinking about that one, I might have it. I don’t think I can bear to even search to find a term for it. That’s… oh, why did I even find that? Ugh. Moving along.

Are you embracing your inner vampire and trying to avoid garlic? Declare yourself

Alliumphobic(1)alliumphobic and be done with it. Or perhaps you’re fine until the dessert course and for whatever reason you cannot bear to eat a slice of pumpkin pie.

Cucurbitophobia will get you out of your predicament far more quickly than a claim of gluten intolerance or sugar aversion ever will.

Perhaps the thing you know that is going to be served that you absolutely cannot swallow is Uncle Kirby’s avowal of love for all things Donald Trump. Just stay home, declare a sudden bout of

Allodoxaphobia (the fear of opinions), and order yourself a nice pizza or something.

*Actually, don’t do this either. All you faux-coulrophobics out there can suck it.


Les Arachides: Peace, love and misunderstanding edition


Published in: on November 15, 2015 at 7:40 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Moonlight on Rubberleg Square

The one rule at this bar is that you must leave as soon as the bottles start looking straight.


Published in: on November 9, 2015 at 12:43 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Clammy hands

The description on YouTube for this cartoon  is “Oswald has a fun day at the beach.” I guess that’s accurate, but there is a lot of narrowly-avoided peril as well. If he had eaten those clams, he would have had a worse day than that non-swimming hippo.

The bike with horsepower

I don’t know about you, but I’m finding the body-slicing abilities of the animals on this farm way scarier than any old witch or hooting pumpkin.

Published in: on October 31, 2015 at 9:08 am  Leave a Comment  
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Etiquette & superstition: here comes the judge


I’m on jury duty again. I really, really want to make a different point of etiquette in relation to judges here, but sharing this point at this time could be construed as “discussing the trial prior to its conclusion,” so I’ll refrain from doing so. I reserve my right to send a cranky letter to the court at some point in the future, however.

ETIQUETTE: When speaking, you may directly address a judge either as “Your Honor” or “Judge (last name).” When referring to this judge while speaking to another person, you either say “His/Her Honor” or “Judge (last name).” When writing to a judge, you address the letter to “The Honorable (first name) (last name)” and use either “Sir” or “Madam” as the salutation.

Please note the above does not apply when you are speaking to a state or US supreme court judge. If you were to meet Ruth Bader Ginsburg for lunch, you would greet her by saying, “Good afternoon, Ms. Justice.” Ms. Justice may sound more like a superhero than a judge, but in the case of Justice Ginsburg, both descriptions apply so it should not seem awkward to address her thus.

SUPERSTITION: The judge will rule in your favor if you wear the eyes of a green plover on your shirtpocket. People with large mouths tend to judge others without properly weighing the evidence.

Photo mine, taken at Old Trapper’s Lodge; you should go there sometime

The groan of mortal terror

The weather forecast notes it will be in the mid-80s on Halloween. I feel that I must scream or die.

Words that end in “-bution”

I saved this photo the other day from somewhere,

but now I can’t find where I got it from. I’d normally not post something without a proper photo credit, but my thoughts on that are somewhat mitigated by the fact that I seem to remember this coming from somewhere on Facebook where attribution to the original source is rarely found. So, if I got it from an interim source that didn’t provide any attribution to the original source, I’m not sure how guilty I feel about not providing that interim source with credit for reposting or whatever. I’d normally do it, but in this case I can’t. And I can’t resist posting this nice little monkey boy photo.

Anyway. If you’re either the interim source or the original source for this photo, please feel free to let me know so that I may provide you with proper attribution, or we may alternately discuss other forms of retribution.

Published in: on October 22, 2015 at 4:14 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Soft shell

Oh hey, how are you? I’m sorry for the extended absence*; I promise I didn’t forget about you. It’s just that I’ve been dealing with some things, and while technically I could have updated this blog on Benny’s computer or on my phone or something, I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do so. You see, I’ve been spending money. And there’s nothing that puts me in a bad mood like spending money.

It started last week when Benny and I decided we needed new phones. The phone app I need for some work that I do is now only working with operating systems that won’t work on my old phone, and Benny’s phone would only go to sleep if he pushed the button thirty times, so it was a necessity. We grimaced at the larger size and price of the new phones but went ahead and bought them. Okay.

The problems started when I tried to transfer everything from my old phone to my new phone and I got caught in a “you need a new version of iTunes/you need a new operating system on your laptop if you want this new version of iTunes/’OH MY GOD IF I HAVE TO BUY A NEW LAPTOP NOW JUST TO GET THIS PHONE WORKING I AM GOING TO LOSE IT'” mess, but 15 hours or so later, things were all peachy. My old laptop was chugging a little bit harder with its new operating system, and I no longer had Photoshop, but whatever.

Three days later, my laptop display disappeared. Well, it didn’t disappear but it was so dim that I could only see it if I closed the curtains and shone a flashlight on it, and that was not really a workable thing. I kept losing the cursor. Shouting. Crying. Disassociation, mild numbness. Benny did some research online and it wasn’t looking good.

On Friday, Benny took my laptop in to the Genius Bar because 1) I decided I had to go to a meeting, 2) he is awesome but you already knew that, and 3) he might have been worried that I was going to shout and cry in public if I went to the Genius Bar and heard bad news. I’ve been known to cry in public over the cost of a standing rib roast planned for Christmas dinner.

I was at said meeting when I got a text from Benny asking if I wanted to hear the good news or the bad news. Then he said the good news was he was bringing home some fried chicken. Bad news was something something new display needed mucho dinero not worth it and besides my laptop would have to be shipped someplace weird because the normal service department didn’t work on “vintage” computers. I pictured the wax-mustachioed gent wearing an arm garter and knickers who would be willing to work on my vintage computer and felt very old. Like I should be wearing this sign on my back:

This Monday I went with my old laptop in tow and bought a new laptop, but when I asked the Genius to transfer my files from my old laptop to my new one, he said it was going to cost $99. “You want ninety-nine more dollars. I… just… spent…” Crying was history. Hyperventilating and numbness too. I was at Looney Toons head exploding now. “OKAY. IF THIS IS THE ONLY CHOICE I HAVE. IS THIS THE ONLY CHOICE I HAVE?” The Genius adjacent to my Genius was looking concerned.

“Oh yeah; we can’t do this if your old laptop isn’t in working order.”
“I need to check with my manager.””DO THAT.”
(brief interlude; Genius returns)
“Have you backed this up recently?”
“Oh! You can just transfer everything from that then.”

He assured me that everything would be exactly the same as a one-to-one machine transfer, and I brightened and went on my way.

I got home, Benny had the misfortune of being home as well, and we then proceeded to attempt the transfer. Benny handled all the internet research and texts to tech-savvier friends, and I handled the “I WOULD LIKE TO THROW THIS THING OUT THE WINDOW” side of things. It was a little nuts, but after transfer of half the things one way and half the things the other way, everything came over to this new laptop on which I am now writing this post.

And during that transfer, my old laptop suddenly flickered back into existence and is working just swell as of this moment.

*Sorry; I promised myself I would never write “sorry I haven’t updated in a while” ever on my blog. I also promised myself I would never call it a blog, so maybe I should stop making promises to myself in regards to this thing.


Wow – I haven’t made a post in ten days. I don’t know what happened. Maybe I need a singing cat to pep me up and get me working again.

Published in: on October 10, 2015 at 8:23 am  Leave a Comment  
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