Baby needs a new pair of shoes

I want to see a sequel where the girl gets a foot bath and pedicure.

“U” as in Underrated

Have you ever seen a commercial graphic design that kind of breaks your heart because it could have been so good, but people were too dumb to appreciate it? The tooth here on the Union Dental sign is that kind of design to me.

Just look at that. How many times do you see a top molar on a dentist’s sign? Never, that’s how many times. Everybody goes with the bottom molar, probably so that when somebody draws a face on the tooth it looks like the tooth has legs instead of devil horns. The Union Dental tooth, though, he goes his own way.

And that’s the part that kills me. That top molar design was obviously chosen because it suggests a U. U as in Union Dental. Furthermore, I have a feeling that the person who designed this originally made the tooth stand in for the U, but when he or she presented it to the client, the client said, “Nion Dental? What’s Nion Dental? We’re Union Dental. Nobody’s going to get that.” And the designer did as he or she was told, silently crushed as he or she is silently crushed on so many jobs.

Maybe you didn’t come here today for a sad story and a low-quality photograph, though. Maybe you came here today because most of my “good tooth/bad tooth” posts feature some toothy guy with a funny face. Fine. Here’s what Benny made me for breakfast on President’s Day.

Probably more for a restaurant than for a dentist, but that would make a good logo.

Published in: on February 26, 2015 at 7:01 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Squaring the unsquare

I’m having some geometry trouble, I guess. Or maybe it’s just simple arithmetic. It started out last night when I was watching a television show last night that used Dave Brubeck’s “Unsquare Dance” very nicely in a scene. It’s a very catchy number in 7/8 time that starts out with a simple clapping rhythm before it progresses to something much more complex, ending with a little minor key “shave and a haircut, two bits” tail. Very smart song there.

I felt like listening to it again, so I went to YouTube. One of the most popular videos for the song was this:

Man, that was square. I know as soon as I post this somebody is going to tell me that those dancers were revolutionary in modern dance and so not square, but come on. That was just so square. Was that dancing not square back then? Some character in the YouTube comments is trying to convince everybody that this clip was from the Smothers Brothers Summer Show, which would make it automatically cool and not square, but it’s pretty clear from subsequent comments that the facts don’t match up.

Dave Brubeck is cool, but I think I can safely say that he’s also got more than a whiff of square about him. He smiled all the time, for one thing. His music is what my mom listened to while cleaning the house prepping for bridge parties, for another. Dave Brubeck is great, but so is See’s Candies Bridge Mix. Square.

What does it mean when a square person calls something they’re doing unsquare, and then it gets accompanied by something really square? Does that make it more square or is the whole thing flattened down into a line? It’s making my head hurt. I could use a good circle left and a do-si-do right about now.

Published in: on February 25, 2015 at 10:02 am  Leave a Comment  
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Spa cuisine

Salmon’s vegetable friends seem pretty grumpy.

Steamed, perhaps.

Published in: on February 23, 2015 at 6:06 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Fancy Notions – Miss Mary Mack edition

I’m not sure if this “Stop Being Lazy” self-hypnosis recording is working. You may have noticed that I haven’t posted here for nearly a week, but I don’t think that’s the fault of Stop Being Lazy. I’ve actually been kind of busy this week. Still, I started feeling guilty and decided that no matter what I had to make a post today. So, maybe it is working?

One thing I’ve realized is that a lot of my laziness comes from a desire to do a hundred things at once, and an inability to decide what to actually start doing. Paralysis sets in. So now I’m working on trying to just do one thing at a time, or at least set aside a block of time for just one thing. There are going to be other things I want to do during that time, but I should just stick with what I’m doing for a bit longer, or else I’ll never get anything done.

I also need to remember that I can’t do everything, and that it’s a fine idea to identify the projects I’d like to do but know I will never get to. One thing I think would be really great, but I know I will never do, is make a pair of these pants for some child I know

add these fancy silver buttons all along the waistline and the suspenders

and then, I don’t know. Make the child wear the pants, I guess. But I know I’m never going to do this. Even if I had a pair of ready-made Jodkins, I would never get around to doing this. Maybe you would.

Anyway, do you want these buttons? They’re silver and probably about 1 1/4″ in diameter (I’d go check but they’re all the way in the basement; rethinking the efficacy of Stop Being Lazy right now).

silverbuttonscuThere are more than ten buttons and fewer than 100. I have no idea what is says on the buttons. It’s really hard to read. I don’t think it says anything bad.

Write to me (in the comments section, via email, or other form of speedy communication) if you are interested in obtaining these fine notions. First person I hear from gets these sent to them free of charge. Jodkins not included.

Love comes to Bunnybury

Yesterday I was worried that Friday the 13th had come early to Bunnybury, as when I initially drove by there was a fire truck and an ambulance parked at the curb, both with their emergency lights on. When I had walked by earlier in the week, I discovered that the main decorator of Bunnybury was an older gentlewoman, and so when I saw these lights I was concerned for her.

Thankfully, when I checked later in the afternoon, the emergency vehicles were still there but their lights were off and the firefighters and EMTs inside were tapping away at screens looking quite bored. Apparently reports need to be filed even in Bunnybury.

So, love comes to Bunnybury.


By the way – when I saw that older gentlewoman earlier in the week, her arms were laden with faux roses. I wish I had gotten a photo of that. These will have to do.

Sorry for the blurriness of some of these. There was a Westie tugging at my arm, overwhelmed by the romance of it all.

Published in: on February 13, 2015 at 6:19 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Cheating fate

I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that it’s asking for trouble to name a dog Lucky. Any dog named Lucky is going to get hit by a car. This is one of the major laws of Fate.

I was beginning to think it was similarly unwise to name a cat Scurry as a recent lost pet notice indicated someone had done. Any cat named Scurry is going to get hit by a car just as sure as any dog named Lucky is. The only reason you name a cat Scurry is if it darts around without thinking like an idiot squirrel trying to cross the street.

Well, imagine my surprise to find this updated lost cat notice at a rather busy intersection in Glendale:

How about that? Nice job getting home, Scurry. It seems like it’s a pretty good home you have there.

Should have given their award to Uranian Willy

Perhaps eclipsed by some other Grammy-related controversy, Tenacious D’s win last night for Best Metal Performance has garnered its own chorus of gripes. Whatever. I feel like the world is one big chorus of gripes these days, but if you’re going to complain about Tenacious D winning this award, allow me to submit my own thoughts on the matter:

  1. They were covering Dio.
  2. They aren’t Jethro Tull.
  3. The Grammys will never get this category right.
  4. I’m sure Lemmy doesn’t give a shit about the Grammys.
  5. Nor should you.
  6. Whoever wrote the message below should win an award for Best Metal Performance. It could have been Kyle or Jack. You don’t know.


Of the tree

I was driving around the neighborhood I lived in while I was a junior in college today when I noticed a new bus stop.

Dang, I didn’t remember there being a covered bus stop on this street. A bunch of abandoned houses taken over by crack addicts and a vacant lot or two, sure. But a fancy covered bus stop with lots of flower arrangements, no. Geez, 22nd Street is really getting fancy.

Christ on a cracker, this has been here since 1998? I guess I haven’t been around this neighborhood for quite a while. You would think the public transportation system would have paid more attention than I have to this particular route, what with all the flowers and the fanciness and whatnot.

This guy seems like he has been waiting for an awfully long time.

Look on the porch

When I first encountered this notice indicating Constantyn (or ConstantYn?) the dog’s disappearance, I immediately blamed the headless guitarist in the picture. I’m not sure why. It’s just that Constantyn, a/k/a Buddy, seems awfully tired of what that guitarist is playing.

I have a suggestion, Headless Guitarist. Learn Ween’s song “Fluffy” and play it a lot, preferably while sitting on a porch. If Buddy can hear that and his heart isn’t melted, I’m not sure what to tell you.

Published in: on February 3, 2015 at 7:30 pm  Leave a Comment  
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