Mælk, melk

My friend Tori and I went to check out the wildflowers on Monday and for some reason wound up taking a detour around Lake Elsinore. I’d never been to Lake Elsinore before, and I found it kind of scary and kind of magical. We did not find Prince Hamlet nor any lake monsters but did come across an abandoned military academy that Bela Lugosi’s son attended:

and a lot of “Don’t Worry About The Dog, Beware Of Owner” signs. The strange part came when I suddenly needed to hear the “Milk Crisis” song from Sesame Street that another friend had recently shared with me. I dialed up the clip on YouTube,

we started singing along, and before we knew it, a dairy farm appeared:

It was a Dutch dairy and not a Danish dairy, but it was still rather remarkable. Lake Elsinore, what other mysteries do you contain?

It’s hard to embrace an airplane

I don’t blame this pony for being bored with his job, but boy, do I want to know where I can get some of those chicken- and star-shaped popsicles… if only to find out what a chicken-shaped popsicle tastes like.

Precious gem

This isn’t technically a lost pet notice nor a found pet notice, but Opal was found by a friend of mine who would like to find her a permanent home. Unlike the gemstone, this Opal is not likely to explode, make you go blind, or give you the power of invisibility.

You never know, though. Adopt her and find out?

Published in: on March 17, 2017 at 7:15 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Etiquette & superstition: voluntary and involuntary surrender of cream

“Etiquette & superstition: got milk?” actually would have worked quite well here as a title, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It’s 2017.

ETIQUETTE: If you’re having coffee or tea with someone and they ask you to pass the cream, the polite way to do this is to pick up the cream pitcher by the handle, transfer it to your other hand (grabbing it by the front of the pitcher), and offer it to the requestor with the handle facing them.

If you are at a coffee house, tea room, or diner and you discover that the milk or cream receptacle is empty (either by your actions or someone else’s), tell the waitstaff so that they may refill it. Do not leave a dairy carafe empty for someone else to discover. Seriously; even Urban Dictionary recognizes this as a faux pas. It’s barely one step up from when you were nine and you left the milk carton in the fridge with only a teaspoon of milk left in it.

SUPERSTITION: If you’re a Scandinavian witch, there are a lot of ways you can steal someone’s cream without getting caught.

  1. You can make a troll cat, which sometimes looks like a cat and sometimes looks like a cow’s hairball but totally isn’t, by rolling up a bunch of junk from the floor like fingernail clippings and sawdust and hair, then putting three drops of your blood on the ball and asking for help from Satan.
  2. You can make a milk hare out of an old sock and some wooden pegs for the ears.
  3. You can make a “til-beri” out of a dead man’s rib by rolling the rib up in stolen yarn, hiding it between your breasts, and dribbling Sacrament wine onto it over three consecutive Sundays. Once it’s strong enough from the wine, then you cut a little hole on your thigh and let it suckle from that for a while.

Now you’re ready for some milk-stealing. Just send your little helper out, and they will soon suck up a bunch of milk from your neighbors’ milk troughs and then come back and spit all the milk back out into your milk bucket. Ta da! Milk for days.

A stitch in time

What do these things have in common?

They are all nine. Turn me on, dead man.

French impressionist

At first I thought the dog in this cartoon was doing basic blackface in front of the king, but it quickly became apparent that he was impersonating some foreign celebrity of the time. It’s not quite Maurice Chevalier, and it might not even be French? I don’t know. Maybe the dog is just bad at celebrity impressions.

Word of the day for Thursday, March 9th

It’s not a verb referring to what you are doing to your body on a Funyuns-rich diet. It’s not a Don Martin onomatopoeia for Rapunzel Letting Loose Her Hair For Prince #2.

Flabellate. It’s an adjective meaning “fan-shaped.” Merriam-Webster and LACMA are playing a “match the word with the picture” game this week on Twitter, and it’s a much pleasanter distraction from certain daily horrors than the other daily distractions we’ve been getting from said horror-makers on Twitter. Other highlights from the game: kinker and natiform. What will tomorrow bring?

Published in: on March 9, 2017 at 9:08 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Elevator pitch

Guys, guys. Moonie & Kilo’s Excellent Adventure. Moonie & Kilo’s Day Off. Moonie & Kilo: The Odyssey Begins. Moonie & Kilo: An Affair To Remember.

Guys?

It’s gotta be better than Dunston Checks In
Published in: on March 7, 2017 at 7:41 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Downhill all the way

I’m pretty terrible at debating, but it seems to me that this quite delightful-looking bit of propaganda made by the American Petroleum Institute makes a good case for less wasteful alternative energy and ethical bioplastics. Your mileage may vary.

Shellebration

velvet-turtle

I don’t know if you guys have been following the saga of Flash the lost tortoise on the Reply All podcast (I wasn’t until today), but man, what a knuckle-cracker. Back in October, as part of Reply All’s “10 Minutes on Craigslist” segment, contributer Damiano Marchettie decided to further investigate an ad he found on the SF bay area Craigslist:

Lost tortoise: Flash has escaped. Last seen near Gregory Court in the Rincon Valley area. If you have seen this large tortoise, we would appreciate his return. He has been our pet for 36 years. He does not come when you call him. Thank you.

so he talked to the people who posted the ad, and it seems that Flash is quite a character. He likes watermelon, he destroys screen doors, Grandma thinks he’s pretty jazzy. So he went missing, the family did a big press to find him, and then some mailman thought he found him so he dropped some other lost tortoise off at this family’s house, and:

“So the last one we … we posted two days ago was that, ‘We lost our tortoise and in the process of looking for him we found someone else’s lost tortoise, which is too weird. So if you live in Rincon Valley and you have lost a tortoise contact us, this one may be yours.'”

It goes on. You should listen to this story or read the transcript (story starts about two-thirds of the way in; about 24:10 on the audio).

Anyway, the story came to a conclusion at the end of this week’s episode. Again, this starts quite a way in (at about 17:45 on the audio). I don’t want to spoil it more than I possibly have with the title of this post, but let’s just say that it may or may not involve fighting raccoons in storm drains. A turtle-y captivating story.

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