Like a fox

It’s nice to see a cartoon acknowledge the fact that great art and financial success do not always go hand in hand. I also like that nothing bad happens in the end (with the possible exception of the actor guy losing his great eye makeup). Everybody goes about their day and the world has a lot more art.

The dog in your backbone

I don’t know how I wound up this morning learning that an x-ray of a normal human lower back contains the image of a scotty dog, but I did learn that this morning. If your scotty dog has a broken neck, you probably have spondylolysis. Take care of that scotty dog neck, friends.

That pickle you call a nose

After watching this cartoon, I wondered if kids today even know what limburger cheese is. Then I realized I only knew about limburger cheese via cartoons and old comedies I saw growing up, so I started reading about limburger cheese. After reading about limburger cheese, I’m glad that the only contact I have with it is via old cartoons. I might, however, want to start using it as a mosquito trap.

IP, freely

Today’s my big brother’s big birthday. I was tempted to shoot a video of me singing “Happy Birthday To You” and post it to YouTube, but I was afraid that the copyright police would bust me. You think that’s a joke. It’s not a joke. Look how scared this kid is of the copyright police busting him for singing “Happy Birthday”:

That’s okay, kid. I understand. Navigating intellectual property rights can be kind of terrifying. The good news is that because of some recent evidence uncovered in the midst of a lawsuit, there’s a chance “Happy Birthday” is finally going to fall into the public domain sometime soon, and if that happens you’ll be able to sing your little heart out without having to pay a licensing fee.

Of course, if that copyright actually does get declared null and void, everybody and their mother is going to be running around singing “Happy Birthday,” so maybe you’ll want to stand out by perfecting one of the parody variants. I’m sure you know the looking like a monkey and smelling like one too version, but I recommend the popular German variant – “Happy birthday to you, Marmelade im Schuh, Aprikose in der Hose, und ein Bratwurst dazu,” which roughly translates to “marmalade in the shoe, apricot in the pants, and with those, a bratwurst.” Now that’s a crazy party. Let’s get to practicing.

 

Barrel of catfish

Benny and I are planning a trip down the Mississippi River, but if this cartoon is accurate, I’m not so sure I want to go. Is every utterance really followed by a dramatic musical flourish down there?

Gummed up

Wait a minute – was this just a very elaborate toothpaste ad?

Word of the day for Monday, July 20th

Talk Like A Pirate Day is less than two months away, and I’m already dreading it. People just walking around saying, “Arrrrrr” and “Avast, matey” … and that’s about it. Did pirates really not say anything other than “Arrr” and “Avast, matey”?

I bet they said a lot more than that, but it seems that modern wannabe pirates are exceptionally lazy. Even the official Talk Like A Pirate Day website only provides twelve pirate phrases, and that’s when you count “aye” and “aye aye” as two separate phrases. I would say that this holiday has jumped the shark, but that implies jumping, and that seems like something much too strenuous for these boobs.

Maybe we should open this up. Forget just pirates. How about Talk Like A Sailor Day? You could get a group of old salts in a rap battle with a gang of tiny coxswains. Christopher Cross in a dance-off with Gene Kelly from On The Town. I like this idea.

If you’re on board with this concept, you’ll want to start studying up. This holiday is not going to accept any old yahoo going, “Grog this, grog that.” Here, I’ll start you off with a good one:

Kidleywink. It’s not a juvenile game of tiddleywinks (which seems redundant anyway). It’s an unlicensed beer bar frequented by low individuals. And in my book that’s as good a place as any to spend Talk Like A Sailor Day.

via a tweet from WFMU

It’s a blast

Benny and I met a girl last night who had some really interesting phobias. One was grooves. I don’t think she and Betty Brant would get along.

Part two is here.

 

Etiquette & superstition: opals

shatteredopal
This post is not about the makers of the Doktorwagen, the Puppchen and the Bedford Blitz. That’s Opel.

ETIQUETTE: Perhaps surprising to any girl who lived through the ’70s-’80s opalescent nail polish and lipstick craze, noted etiquette authority George Routledge states, “Of all precious stones, the opal is one of the most lovely and least commonplace. No vulgar woman purchases an opal.” A fair man, if perhaps a lazy one, Routledge states elsewhere, “Of all precious stones, the opal is one of the most lovely and least commonplace. No vulgar man purchases an opal.” So whatever sex you are, if you don’t want people calling you vulgar, go buy yourself an opal.

SUPERSTITION: Volondr/Wieland, smithy to the Norse/Teutonic Gods, made opals out of children’s eyes. Opals either cause one to go blind, improve one’s eyesight or make one invisible to others. Seems a little chancy. I might stick with being called vulgar.

Photo by Mauro Luna via Flickr

You’ve been running and hiding too much

Normally I’m not too hep on viral marketing disguised as lost pet notices, but in this case I’m happy this is fake because it means little Laila doesn’t really exist.

laila
You see, if little Laila did exist, I’d be compelled to scour the streets trying to find her so that I could buy her a Big Mac and a large Mountain Dew and I just don’t have the time to do that right now.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 116 other followers

%d bloggers like this: