ETIQUETTE: After using a porta-potty, put the lid down. Have you ever noticed that PVC pipe that goes up to the roof of the potty? That’s a gas chimney that transfers heat and odors from the waste area to outside. If you don’t put the seat down, the gas travels up through the bigger hole in the seat rather than up the pipe, and that stinks up the area you’re sitting in.
SUPERSTITION: If you want to give a wedding gift that will provide good luck to newlyweds in the Philippines, you can’t beat a chamber pot. I’m not sure where the luck comes from, other than the luck that the newlyweds aren’t in France. If they were in France, they would be expected to consume all of the wedding party leftovers that their friends have scooped into a chamber pot.
Scrubbing the kitchen floor each morning with the contents of your chamber pot will keep that kitchen floor clean and sparkling. If you want to cure corns, apply some of the dried-up urine crystals from the inside of a chamber pot to your afflictions.
ETIQUETTE: Once upon a time, marijuana was popularly known as grass. And once upon a time, PJ O’Rourke was actually kind of an amusing writer, rather than that token libertarian crank on NPR that we know today, the one that can’t figure out how websites work. During that time, PJ O’Rourke wrote an etiquette book that included proper behavior in regards to drug taking. According to PJ, the proper venues for smoking grass are rock concerts, horror movie screenings and one’s bedroom, alone, whilst being a teenager. Mallomars are the recommended pairing choice. There isn’t a whole lot more on grass in PJ O’Rourke’s etiquette book; he clearly felt more comfortable discussing cocaine. Oh well. Perhaps we’ll revisit this topic again using a more reliable reference source. Stoners love to talk and talk and talk about that sort of thing.
SUPERSTITION: If you take a piece of turf and lay it across your forehead on St. John’s Eve (June 23 – plan ahead!), you will be able to see witches and they will not be able to see you. Lemongrass is a good dragon and serpent repellant, and will also help you to have honesty in your relationships.
Photo by Brian Clark via Flickr
There hasn’t been a post here for a while about the impending man vs. ape war, but rest assured I have been monitoring the situation. It’s just that there hasn’t been any news. Until now.
Apparently some Dutch goofs flew a drone over the chimp exhibit at Burgers’ Zoo in Arnhem, and…
Yes, the drone was completely destroyed. Can you blame them?
I watched this cartoon this morning, was put off by the gold tooth “hey boss” racial caricature voice as per usual, wrestled with the issue because Buzzy outwits the cat and isn’t portrayed as lazy or stupid, briefly considered giving the whole thing up and just posting a Heckle & Jeckle cartoon, and then decided once again that ignoring the past is a bad idea. For all its faults, I enjoyed this cartoon. I’d be more comfortable if Buzzy had a different voice, but that comfort seems a lot closer allied with a vice than a virtue. Life is complicated, friends.
I just read a contemporary review of this great book The Lost Beauties of the English Language from 1874. In it, the reviewer complains about today’s word, saying that it is a lousy term that should just go away and die under a rock. The word is
squintard: a person who squints. I don’t really see what is so rage-inducing about this word unless people are calling you a squintard day in and day out. Oh. There it is, then. Ha.
Mr. Reviewer, maybe you should just get some new glasses and this word won’t make you so very, very angry. It really is a perfectly fine word.
The wine rat pictured above is not made of port wine. I believe he was a Cab rat. If this wine had come from a particular winery in Temecula, I could make some dumb joke about it being a Cab Callaway rat, but I’m not going to do that.
ETIQUETTE: A decanter of port wine served in Britain is to be passed to the left. Just think about what side port is, if you know about boats. If you don’t know about boats, this isn’t going to help you any and then you’re probably going to sit there fretting and wondering what to do about this horrible sweet wine in front of you, and then eventually some jackass at the table is going to ask, “Do you know the Bishop of Norwich?” and you’re not going to know what that’s about either, and then he’s going to say, “He’s a terribly good chap, but he always forgets to pass the port,” and by this point you’re wanting to throw a roll at that jackass, but apparently it’s his polite way of asking you to pass the port. Maybe you should learn something about boats.
SUPERSTITION: If a pregnant woman:
- is frightened by fire
- craves beets or jam
- eats a grouse that was killed by a falcon, or
- has wine spilled on her belly
her child is going to be born with a port-wine stain birthmark. Pregnant women really need to be careful.
This is what happens when I’ve already posted all the cute Silly Symphonies Easter and springtime cartoons. Guns, guns, and more guns. Happy Easter.