I try to be a positive person, and I especially try to be a positive person online, but there are some things that I just hate so much that I can’t keep quiet about them. Usually when I make a post about something I hate, I get hate mail from people saying how much they hate me for hating whatever I hate. It’s rather exhausting, all this hate, so I try to remain positive.
Today, however, I am feeling a surge of hateful energy. I’m spittin’ mad. I’m ready to throw a shoe. And it’s not even noon yet. So watch out. I’m going to unleash some hate, and the object of my hate had better watch out.
Today I’m talking to you, Agapanthus. You’re my most hated flower.
Yeah, that’s right, “Lily of the Nile.” You are loathsome. I don’t know when I first came to this conclusion really, but it’s true. You are the popcorn ceiling of flowers. The cheapest solution. The easiest to deal with. Somebody builds a crappy new industrial office complex or peach-colored stucco condo unit and what do they do when told they need landscaping? They plant agapanthus.
You’re ugly when you’re blooming, you’re ugly when you’re dying, you proliferate like nobody’s business, and you’re poisonous. You’re horrible.
I have no problems with your little cousin society garlic. It’s edible, it’s delicate and it smells interesting. It can be used as a mole deterrent. More importantly, society garlic doesn’t feel the need to take over the whole damn yard like you do.
Seriously, what is your problem? I hear that in New Zealand you’re considered such a noxious, invasive weed that you have been outlawed. Bravo to New Zealand for that.
Agapanthus, I think it’s best that you just stay away from me as well as you are able. My heart and my garden are New Zealand as far as you’re concerned. Don’t make me throw a shoe at you.
Photo by Nemo’s great uncle on Flickr. Sorry for including your photo in this post, Nemo’s great uncle, because it looks like you like agapanthus an awful lot.
