In A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur’s Court* proud ginger Mark Twain noted, ” When red headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.”
I’m not sure if Doctor Zaius had red hair or auburn hair, but either way John Hodgman should be commended for asking Dana Gould to portray Maurice Evans as Dr. Zaius as Hal Holbrook as Mark Twain. It is a truly inspired project.
I finally got Mark Twain’s autobiography this week. It’s big. He talks a lot about the idea of autobiographies in it. One of his observations is that if anybody took the time to write a complete autobiography, he or she would have to spend at least half his/her life writing the autobiography and not living the life that the autobiography is about. He seems to change his mind a lot about how he feels about that.
Anyway, last night I read this part about how duelling was a really big fad when he was in his twenties. They didn’t duel with swords so much as with pistols when he was stuck in this duelling fad, but it’s more fun to talk about etiquette and superstition related to swords than with pistols. Feel free to dispute me.
ETIQUETTE: Don’t hit your sword against another person’s sword unless you mean business. Even an unintentional sheath-to-sheath contact may cause the object of your attention to invite you outside. And by no means should you lay your sword down on the floor and kick the guard of the sword in the direction of anybody either. That is really asking for trouble. That’s not just “we’re going to fight outside with our swords and I’m going to cut you” trouble, that’s “we’re going to fight outside with our swords and when I cut you, my sword is going to enter your mouth and come out the back of your throat” trouble.
SUPERSTITION: A man wishing to discover his true love should go to the churchyard (or maybe a haystack) with a sword. At exactly midnight, he should take his sword and march around the church nine times (or maybe only three), exclaiming, “Here is the sword, where is the sheath?” the whole time. After the ninth or third time, his true love should appear. A woman can do this same thing, but when she is walking around the churchyard or haystack she is supposed to shout, “Here is the sheath, where is the sword?”
A recent etiquette & superstition post of mine was slightly misquoted on another site, implying that I pulled a quote from a Vogue book of behavior recommending the imprisonment of cats on aquatic vessels. As I have no wish to attract the ire of Conde Nast Publications, allow me to point out that the cat-in-a-cupboard tip was the superstition portion of my post, and the etiquette tip was paraphrased from the Vogue book, not a direct quote. If I use a direct quote, I will always use quotation marks.
And lo, here is a direct quote for today’s etiquette tip, from Mark Twain‘s notes for a book on manners. As this tip is courtesy of the great Mark Twain, today’s entry may be historic for this site in that the etiquette tip is far superior to the accompanying bit of superstition. It’s merely an excerpt of his recommended protocol; for the full text, please visit The Gentlemen’s Page:
ETIQUETTE: “Form of Tender of Rescue from Strange Young Gentleman to Strange Young Lady at a Fire: ‘Although through the fiat of a cruel fate, I have been debarred the gracious privilege of your acquaintance, permit me, Miss [here insert name if known], the inestimable honor of offering you the aid of a true and loyal arm against the fiery doom which now o’ershadows you with its crimson wing’ [this form to be memorized, and practiced in private].
“Should she accept, the young gentleman would offer his arm–bowing, and observing ‘Permit me’–and so escort her to the fire escape and deposit her in it (being careful, if she have no clothes but her night dress, not to seem to notice the irregularity). No form of leave-taking is permissible, further than a formal bow, accompanied by a barely perceptible smile of deferential gratitude for the favor which the young lady has accorded–this smile to be completed at the moment the fire escape starts to slide down, then the features to be recomposed instantly.”
SUPERSTITION: Blue flames in a hearth fire indicate the presence of ghosts, specifically the corracha cagalt. These spirits portend bad weather approaching.
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