[Editor's note: I will be using the word "monkey" in place of "chimp" and "ape" in this post, even though I know they aren't the same thing, because 1) the articles I'm referring to used them interchangeably so it's too confusing to determine which is the correct term, and 2) out of those terms, "monkey" sounds the funniest.]
I recently read that a plan is under way to kill a bunch of monkeys in Gibralter because they’re getting too aggressive, and like most stories about impending human/primate war, this one worries me. We know monkeys have terrible tempers and will chew a guy’s face and balls off for not bringing them enough cake. We know that monkeys can use weapons. We know that monkeys are capable of carrying out political assassinations. We know that at this very moment, they are hiding in our backyards and roaming our streets. And Charlton Heston is dead.
Please – let’s stop escalating the hostility with anti-evolution songs, monkey head transplants, and comparisons to George W. Bush. If we have a problem with the monkeys, let’s be civilized about this and take it to court. With any luck, we can get this all resolved and be friends again. We could even take a nice soak together or something. Wouldn’t that be nice?
photo by joyrex on flickr