Damn it – I find what I think is a new great glitter text generator, and then I can’t get rid of that gigaglitters tag, and it doesn’t even fit on the damned page. I feel like kicking things and flailing around in a bad way right now. But never mind that.

Callithumpian is what we’re here for, and callithumpian is what we’re going to talk about. Yeah! If you’re callithumpian, you’re a band of noisy and discordant instruments. It used to mean in general “a social disrupter.” Some people say you have to be a kid to be truly callithumpian. That makes sense. And then there are some people who say, “No, it’s actually ‘calathumpian’, or maybe ‘callothumpian’, ‘carathumpian’ and even ‘calisthumpian’.” And I guess heckling someone about callithumpian is pretty callithumpian. Stop kicking me.

Do you remember that time when Ozzy Osbourne had that shag haircut with the Frost-n-Tip highlights? After “Crazy Train” but before “Mama I’m Coming Home“? No? You may be too young. And dang, it’s hard to find photos on the internet from that time. I’m thinking it might be because it was before Sharon got all that plastic surgery. That is one powerful woman, folks. She can erase the public record like nobody’s business. Oh, but wait; I think I found something:

Maybe this isn’t the same fellow. I seem to remember Ozzy having satanic power over young boys which would probably include the power over their eating and sleeping, but I don’t think this is the same Ozzy. I don’t see any smiley face tattoos on this guy’s knees, for one. Eh. Let’s go to our next lost rocker:

Dude, you’re a dude! I thought you were a bunch of chicks from the ’90s with barrettes and lunchboxes and shit. Dude! You’re late for your gig at Spaceland The Satellite.

ETIQUETTE: Proper decor in the home during New Year celebrations in the Year of the Dragon includes lots of candles. Starfish and octopus motifs are also strongly encouraged this particular year. And use a lot of black. Some people say black and red and green are best, others say black and yellow. Just go with black.

If you yourself are an actual dragon (not just one of those hotshots born during the Year of the Dragon; see below) and have come to this post for some etiquette tips, please allow me to redirect you to Sherri Godsey’s page regarding gullet transport and regurgitation of humans. It is an excellent resource.

SUPERSTITION: All that “Dragon Lady” jazz is a Western construct. In Asia, it is a good thing to be a dragon. Dragons are lucky, have better education and will be very successful in life. This isn’t even a superstition, by the way; they are. There are some rational reasons for that, but whatever.

Dragons, the real dragons, became a little bit of trouble for humans when a Ming Dynasty emperor got all greedy and wanted them to help him out instead of going back to their home in heaven. They, of course, wanted to go back to heaven. No doy. There were nine dragons at this point, who were sons of the original dragon. So anyway, these dragons were a little pissed off at the emperor but eventually chilled out and now are pretty good with humans again, at least in China. I’m probably screwing this up. Let’s just go to chinesefortunecalendar.com for the rest of this:

“The nine dragon have different themes, and they all have different versions too. We skip their names because all of their names are hard to remember. One version is:

• The 1st son loves music. The head of Number 1 son becomes a decoration for music instrument, such as two-stringed bowed violin (huqin).
• The 2nd son loves fighting. Many different handles of weapons have the symbol of Number 2 son.
• The 3rd son loves adventure and keeping guard. He has prestige and is the symbol of safety, harmony and peace.
• The 4th son loves howling. The image of Number 4 son can be found on the big bells. It is a symbol of protection and alertness.
• The 5th son loves quietness, sitting, fire and smoke. His image is often found in temples, such as on incense burners.
• The 6th son has the power of strength. He loves to carry heavy stuff to show off his magic energy. He is a symbol of longevity and good luck.
• The 7th son loves to seek justice. Chinese like to apply his symbol around law, court, or jail.
• The 8th son loves literature. Chinese like to put the 8th son as a symbol around steles. When used in this way, it is a symbol of knowledge or education.
• The 9th son loves water. He is a symbol to prevent fire disasters.”

Photo by tunachilli on Flickr

but then Alan says:

I don’t know what to think. Maybe I’ll just get some pancakes and think it all over.

Oh geez. Nobody warned me about the dangers of pancakes. I’m going back to bed.

The next thing you should know is that www.gorillaupskirts.com enjoys posting fake flyers and posters. I of course can appreciate this concept, but unfortunately I feel that a lot of the posters suffer from veering too far off from the look of the signs they’re intending to parody. When they’re no longer fake sales pitch posters, but just weird posters, they lose their charm for me. But why am I even critiquing these? Their maker’s intention is just to provide a little mirth on an otherwise dingy street, and at that, he most definitely succeeds.

And some of signs, of course, are really good:

Or maybe I’m just a sucker for wife jokes. More wife jokes please, www.gorillaupskirts.com!

via Neatorama

What’s that you say? This wasn’t about food? Pssh.

I could make a joke about an Avid ego chip here, but I’m not cheap like that.

and while the truck is definitely still in service as some sort of workman’s vehicle, all information regarding the warehouse equipment dealership that used to own this truck has been removed (see the ghost of “SALE/RENT”?):

I don’t care; that forklift is gorgeous. This belongs here.