When I first clicked on this link to a middle-aged lady singing a song called “I Want A New Baby For Christmas,” I was scared about what I might see. But that was stupid for at least four reasons:
Find more reasons why my initial fears were stupid:
The website for the radio show Shut Up, Weirdo recently drew my attention to the 20th century American artist Mort Kunstler. I had never heard of Mort Kunstler before, which is kind of odd because his art is right up my alley. He contributed artwork to various men’s magazine stories with titles such as:
Oh, wait; I guess he didn’t illustrate that last article. But still. I would want to read all of these stories even without the fantastic artwork. I can’t find the accompanying story for my favorite illustration by him, however.
Maybe if you have a moment or two today, you can write the accompanying story in the comments section.
Benny’s daughter went to Rock Camp recently, and this weekend they had a big concert. The band names were pretty good; not as good as the soccer team names, but pretty good. Here are some of them:
Here are The Last Grapefruits:
How embarrassing. You come across a pile of canine excrement and exclaim, “Yucko – dogshit.” Everyone laughs at you, because they know the correct term for dogshit is scumber. Don’t find yourself in this position again. Review this list of animal waste terms every night and never be embarrassed by your lack of knowledge again:
Benny’s kids have been in town the past couple of weeks, and I think we’ve all had a very good time together. Even more than that, though, I have really learned a great deal from the kids in this short amount of time. Here are just some of the things I’ve learned:
One thing they haven’t been able to help me out with, however, is something that has puzzled me since I was a kid: what is supposed to be so funny about Mickey Mouse’s underwear? I don’t think I’ll ever understand that.
I’ve got it – the answer to my and Benny’s job woes. We are going to quit our jobs and make a zillion dollars by marketing a doll that is both slutty and scary. It’s a sure bet. Little girls are only interested in dolls that are slutty or scary, but try as I might, I can’t come up with one example of a doll currently on the market that is both slutty and scary. To wit:
Okay. I think if we combine Growing Up Skipper with some sort of maniacal laughing homunculus, we’ll have a bona fide hit on our hands. Hmm. I’ve got to sleep on that idea a little. Sweet dreams.
1. My mom was a very glamorous movie star.
2. She let me cultivate my own sense of fashion from a very early age.
3. I’m obviously leaving out a lot of things about my Mom here in this list.
4. Anyway – thanks, Mom. I love you.
I feel inadequate. My attention has just been brought to the concept of family words – jargon specific to a household or group of friends – and no matter how much I think about it, I can’t recall a single example from my family. Linguistic experts and famous authors say that every family has them, but I’m still coming up blank. We didn’t even have a word for the cardboard tube inside a roll of toilet paper.
Benny has family words with his kids: sparkeners, stuffy dogs. I’m going to have to check with my brother on this. I can’t believe my family could be so lame.
In a couple of online discussions of family words, a lot of excellent examples were offered up by commenters:
Those are all pretty grand. For my money, however, the trophy has to go to:
Mojamatize! It means “hurry up,” and it comes from the mis-hearing of a Boston cabdriver saying, “I’ve got too much air in my tires,” as “I’ve got to mojamatize!” I might have to adopt it.
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