Today we honor Saint Valentine, who was beaten and beheaded on February 14th for performing illegal marriages in third century Rome. Happy day of torture.
I would like to celebrate the day by expressing my gratitude for a number of failed loves. For one thing, if that handmade valentine with a drawing of a black widow had done its magic back in preschool, I could be married to a concrete salesman today. Really. I looked that guy up on the internet.