Apparently I stopped numbering these a while ago

You know what I haven’t done in a while? I haven’t had a Fancy Notions giveaway in a while. That’s kind of a shame. But look what I found when I was reorganizing my sewing and craft stuff:

Four feet of yellow rickrack. About 18 inches of white lace, and about 18 inches of off-white lace. Part of a black frog clasp. No, I guess that’s more of a decorative eye from a hook and eye. It’s more fun to say “frog clasp” but let’s not be inaccurate. A hard round white thing that I suppose I was going to make a button out of. A pink scottie dog iron-on. A small rubber sunburst. Do you know what you could make with that?

A picture of Dorothy on her way to Oz on a sort of cloudy day, that’s what. Or maybe you have another idea about what to do with all of this. If you do, and you actually want these things to do whatever you want to do with them, write in the comments section. The first person to write in with a modicum of sincerity gets the notions.

Button, button…

A friend recently gave me two big boxes of buttons. There are a lot of really good buttons in there, but unfortunately there are also a lot of grey buttons, and I just don’t know what to do with them. Grey. I don’t have a very good relationship with grey. I can’t even decide how to spell it. Apparently spellcheck prefers “gray.” Anyway.

I know; they look blue in the photo. Trust me – they’re gray. Grey. Eh. I was thinking about anonymously donating these to the artist Clare Graham, but he makes things out of thousands of buttons. What does he need with less than 100 grey buttons? Ugh. Phooey. These buttons are making me feel inadequate. I need to get rid of them. So they’re today’s Fancy Notions offering. Someone must have a use for them. One of you, perhaps.

You could make a button landscape of a stormy sky. You could become an eccentric collector. You could replace all the buttons on your red coat. You could do a lot of things with a lot of buttons like this.

As always, if you want these buttons, just write in to the comments section indicating your desire for them. The first person with a hint of sincerity in their comment will get these mailed to them, free of charge from me.

Lemon lime

It seems I can’t remember any playground rhymes any more, which is too bad because I wanted to use one or two for today’s Fancy Notions offering.

Lemon jello
dressed in yellow
how many times did she kiss a fellow?

That’s definitely not right. Anyway, what we have here today are some lengths of velvet or satin green and yellow ribbon. You could use them to trim a party dress, or you could tie them all together and make a really upscale jump rope. If only I could remember one of those rhymes.

Peachy keen
dressed in green
how many years ’til she’s a teen?

Hmm. Anyway, if you would like this tangle of ribbon, just write in to the comments section. The first person to write in who doesn’t sound like he or she is pulling my leg about wanting the ribbons gets ‘em for free.

Fancy notions #20

Today’s fancy notions offering is baby-themed, since it’s Mothers Day and everybody seems to be having babies lately. What happened nine months ago to make everyone so fertile? Well, never mind; let’s bring on the notions.

We have some very small-sized rick rack, about 15 inches each of blue and yellow trim, a package of garment labels, and as a bonus, one mother.

The garment labels are really good to have if your name is Anne, or if you sewed something really terrible and you want to place the blame on someone named Anne.

I would use these myself, but I’m a pretty terrible sewer and my mom’s name is Anne, and it being Mothers Day and all, it would be pretty mean of me to frame my mom like that.

If you have no qualms about framing Anne, or if your name happens to be Anne, and you would like these notions for a project of yours, just write in to the comments section. The first person to write in that sounds sincere gets the notions sent to them free of charge. Good luck, momma!

Fancy Notions #19

The computer – she is up and running again. What a relief. It’s a little distressing to discover my dependence on this machine, but I’m not going to think about that too much. I am going to think about how victorious I feel to have the Fancy Notions back on track. In fact, today’s Fancy Notions offering is of a victory theme.

Gold braid, a rose bouquet patch, a champagne cork, and a small mirror to admire how fabulous you are now that you’re a winner. The gold brain even comes with suggestions about what to do with it, in case you’re facing a creative block.

If you want to be a Fancy Notions winner, just write in the comments section expressing your desire to have these items. The first person to write in (unless he/she seems really insincere) will receive the notions free of charge. Good luck, winner!

Fancy Notions #18

The new year is coming to us on Friday, and I’m looking forward to it. 2009 just wasn’t my favorite year. I can’t really put my finger on why this year was such a dud, but 2010 has got to be better. Right?

One thing I like about a new year is the chance everyone has to start fresh, and even reinvent one’s self if that’s what one wants to do. I’m not sure I want to go to all the trouble of reinventing myself, but perhaps you do. And that’s where today’s Fancy Notions offering comes in.

Reinvent yourself as a French person. Just take these notions, slap them onto your backpack, et voila – you have a naughty French backpack. The Paris and Eiffel Tower patches are flocked iron-ons, so you can still be a lazy American during the reinvention process. I’m not sure exactly what is so French about the blue ribbon flower appliques,

other than they’re called “appliques,” so from now on I’ll refer to them as fleurs bleues.

Are you ready to reinvent yourself as a French person? If so, just write in the comments section of your desire to own these notions. I will mail all three items – the flocked patches, saucy lace bit, and appliques des fleurs bleues – free of charge to the first person who writes in sounding even remotely serious. Sorry; offer not available to French people. Reinventors only, please.

Fancy notions #17

To me, Christmas means crafts. Pinecones covered in library paste and glitter, wreaths made from dryer sheets, paperclip nativity scenes. Boy, I love me some Christmas crafts. So I’ve been poking around the craft supply shed lately, and I’ve found some things I want to offer as today’s package of Fancy Notions.

You say you have a big New Year-themed decoupage project, and you’re short on images? Well, my friend, you have come to the right place. Write in to the comments section of this post expressing your desire for these lovely reproduction postcards, and if you’re the first commenter, you get the cards. I’ll send them to you. For free. No charge. Gratis. It’s like a Christmas miracle.

But wait. What’s that colorful item in the middle of the photo? Hey, Colorful Item. What are you?

It’s okay. Don’t be shy.

Why, you’re a winter-themed hygiene mouse. How delightful! Winter-Themed Hygiene Mouse is hereby added to today’s Fancy Notions package. Who wants it? It’s okay. Don’t be shy.

Fancy notions #16

I used to work with a woman who called those pre-sliced apples you buy in a bag from Trader Joe’s “Lazy Girls,” because really, how lazy do you have to be to buy pre-sliced apples? Pretty lazy. Anyway, she would often bring a bag of pre-sliced apples into the office and share them with anyone would wanted some, calling out in her cute Kentucky accent, “Who wants a Lazy Girl?” I loved the days that she brought Lazy Girls into the office.

Today’s Fancy Notions offering is kind of the Lazy Girl of craft projects. It can barely be called a project, in fact. It’s nearly a belt. You would have to be really unskilled to not be able to make these two elements into a belt.

You have the belt part:

and then you have the belt clasp so you don’t have to tie the ends of the belt together in a knot like a rube:

Clean up those stray threads, make a couple of stitches around the clasps, and voila… a delightful belt. The only reason I’m offering this package as a Fancy Notions prize is because I already made a belt just like this when I shortened the dress that this fabric came from. I guess I could make the fabric into a headband, but with the dress and the belt already in this fabric, I think a headband would be a little much.

So what are you doing this weekend? I think you should make a belt. First person who writes in to the comment section expressing his/her desire for these items* gets them in the mail. For free. From me. I promise I won’t think you’re lazy for making such an easy belt.

*The previous qualification “… or most sincere person who writes in…” has been temporarily suspended. The last notions giveaway had two people of equal sincerity who wrote in within 30 minutes of each other, and I had a bit of a crisis determining whether one was in fact more sincere than the other, and at the end I went by the timing. I still felt guilty wondering if I made anybody feel like they hadn’t been sincere enough. I will only employ this qualification again if the first person who writes in is obviously insincere.

Fancy notions #15

Unlike many females, I never went through a horse phase as a girl. I don’t know why, but I just never could get that excited about horses. So why did I go and buy this embroidered horse patch?

I have no idea. So I’m giving it away to the first or most sincere person that requests it in the comments section. As an added bonus, I am going to throw in some almost comically large buttons.

Look how large those buttons are. Don’t you need some large buttons? As noted in Fancy Notions policy earlier, the quarter is not part of the giveaway, but you do have the option of purchasing this set of notions, including the quarter, for a bargain price of twenty-five cents. Your choice.

Fancy notions #14

Today’s offering of fancy notions comes with a confession. It has to do with childhood stubbornness and hygiene. You’ve been forewarned.

As a child I had really terrible hygiene. It went beyond the normal hatred of toothbrushing – I didn’t like to brush my hair or take showers or even change my underwear if I could help it. The new underwear was so cold and scratchy, and the old underwear was soft and warm…. As for the hairbrushing, I eventually had to cut a huge rat’s nest out of my hair at the nape of my neck. Dandruff was also involved somewhere in all of this. Surprisingly, I had friends, but this situation was getting to be a real problem.

My mom decided that she would set up a positive reinforcement system in which I had to check off on a chart each time I washed my face and brushed my teeth and changed my underwear.  If I performed all of my hygenic duties during the week, I would get a reward at the end of the week. At the time, I was really into these stuffed mice that wore costumes, so my promised weekly reward was a new mouse of my choosing. I really wanted those mice, so what do you think I did? I cheated.

I started feeling really guilty about cheating however, and eventually my hygiene got better. I suppose it did, anyway. You tell me.

So today’s free gift to the first or most sincere person who writes into the comments section asking for it is one of these costumed mice. I have to add a disclaimer that this particular hula girl mouse is not one of the ill-gotten “reward” mice; this mouse is from the era when I had stopped being so disgusting but my mom decided she really liked costumed mice so she kept buying them and would give one to me whenever my dad seemed curious about the new acquisition.

You not only get a hula girl mouse, but two plastic rods shaped like bamboo that can be used either as Hawaiian Pu’ili implements for the mouse or as polynesian-themed purse handles (for which they were originally intended).

The edges of the bamboo sticks are a little scuffed from the previous purse handle fabric that had to be forcibly removed from them, but I’m sure a little Goof-Off and elbow grease can take care of any imperfections.

Tell me you want these things, and I’ll mail them to you. Sorry, dirty underwear not included.