I think I’m sick of the Olympics already. All this focus on “medalling” and tallying what country is “ahead”, all these fanfarons fanfaronading… it’s just no fun. It’s not nearly as fun as saying the word
which is very fun indeed. Fanfaronade! Fanfaronade! I might just keep saying that instead of watching the Olympics. Oh, what does it mean? It means a blustering empty boast, although sometimes it just literally means a trumpety sort of fanfare. Toot!
A YouTube search for 2012 Olympics turns up way too much Illuminati conspiracy crap; I bet the Olympic Banana even has some meaning in the conspiracy narrative. I’m going back to 2008 when things were simpler:
I really like my dentist. My dentist is an older lady who lets her poor little crippled dog sit on my lap during the examination if I want it to. One of the things that I like about my dentist, besides her poor little crippled dog, is her confounding wall art.
I guess at this point I should make the distinction that I like my dentist for having this wall art, but I do not like this wall art. And that is what is confounding about it. I do not even want to call this art. It seems so cheap and dumb, and it pisses me off that it’s so cheap and dumb and yet this guy is numbering the prints because they are a limited edition. Do the fact that this is pissing me off make it art? Confounding.
Anyway, this dentifrice panorama features:
and this might lead one to believe that this will be some Pogo-esque biting satire. No. What this will be is just some more confounding crap. A tooth playing jump rope.
And this tooth has one tooth. If my teeth are going to have teeth, I want each of them to have a full set of teeth, not a single tooth. This is not a good advertisement for a dentist. Nor would it be a good advertisement for an optometrist, but that’s neither here nor there. We’re talking about dentists. And I like mine.
There is a very brave fellow in Cambodia named Aki Ra who was forced into military service under the Khmer Rouge when he was a child. One of his duties was laying landmines. Now that he’s an adult and he isn’t being forced to lay landmines under threat of death, guess what he’s doing with his time? Digging up landmines and dismantling them, of course. He’s found quite a few:
And now it appears that Aki Ra may have some gorilla counterpoints in Rwanda. From the National Geographic article about some hairy kids who are getting pretty good at taking apart poachers’ traps:
On Tuesday tracker John Ndayambaje spotted a trap very close to the Kuryama gorilla clan. He moved in to deactivate the snare, but a silverback named Vubu grunted, cautioning Ndayambaje to stay away, Vecellio said.
Suddenly two juveniles—Rwema, a male; and Dukore, a female; both about four years old—ran toward the trap.
As Ndayambaje and a few tourists watched, Rwema jumped on the bent tree branch and broke it, while Dukore freed the noose.
The pair then spied another snare nearby—one the tracker himself had missed—and raced for it. Joined by a third gorilla, a teenager named Tetero, Rwema and Dukore destroyed that trap as well.
Now, I know I keep harping on about how afraid I am about the day when simians rise up against us humans, and seeing as humans were the ones who set the traps in Rwanda, I could see how this recent event might add fuel to the “they are just going to get sick of our shit and kill us” fire. However, I think we can still all figure out a way to get along, and if anybody can do this, it’s Aki, Rwema, Dukore and Tetero. Thanks, you guys, and let me know what I can do to help aside from dismantling landmines. I’m just not very good with my hands.
Oh, residents of Beverly Hills. You are a confusing bunch. One the one hand, you’re allOHMYGOD THINK OF THE CHILDREN when the city tries to build a subway under the local high school. But when faced with a family of vicious white tigers, a pride of lions,
wait – make that two families of white tigers, even more lions, a leopard,
a tower of giraffes, a herd of elephants,
and a goddamned gorilla
mere blocks away from an elementary school, with only the flimsiest of iron fences keeping the beasts from rampaging through the streets, do we hear a peep?
I guess the moral of this cartoon is, “Hide your booze if you have a piano in the nursery.” And I really can’t argue with that.
I hope everybody is having a lovely America Day. If you are feeling less than patriotic today, might I suggest a ride on the Delta Queen to perk up your spirit? It’s debarking from Campbell, California.
Hooray! An all-American riverboat trip. Excuse me, ma’am, which way do I go?
Thank you. Wonderful. Boy, I sure am ready for a nice old ride down the river. I almost feel like Becky Thatcher or something. Bye Tom! Bye! You and Huck save a nice hot dog and iced coffee for me, okay?
Okay, I guess the first thing to do is get instructions from the cap’n. Where’s the cap’n? Oh hello, Cap’n.
Pardon? What’s this talk about antennae? Do I look like a moonfolk, Cap’n? Pity’s sake. The cap’n must be in his cups.
Oh, but look at all the fish…
With a good dredging in cornmeal, that is some good eating right there. A shame I forgot my fishing bamboo. Ah, it sure is good here on the river.
Oh… it looks like we’re coming to the dock. That sure was quick. I could have spent all day here.
Goodbye, Delta Queen, and have a wonderful rest of your America Day. Wait – what’s that you say? I still have some sap on my hood? I have to go around again, but you will provide me with a complimentary Power Wash and Fresh Linen car sachet?
Aye aye, Cap’n. Requesting permission to return aboard.
A puzzle: I have found 43 packages of teabags in my mother’s home so far. The 43 packages are split roughly 50/50 between boxes containing 20 teabags apiece and canisters containing 50 bags apiece; however, there are one or two cellophane-wrapped packets that only contain 10 bags apiece. What is the minimum and maximum amount of teabags in my mother’s home?
ETIQUETTE: It’s an affectation to hold one’s pinky out when drinking tea from a teacup.No, it isn’t an affectation; it’s done for balance, and it comes from the ancient Chinese. Yes, it is an affection. Are you in ancient China? No, you’re not. What the hell is your problem anyway, that you can’t balance a teacup with the rest of your fingers?
Aw; let’s not fight. Let’s find something we can agree upon. If you are served tea with lemon, do not put milk into the tea as well, as the lemon juice will spoil it. If your lemon is a thin slice rather than a wedge, you should leave it floating in your tea and not squeeze it against the side of the teacup. The lemon will dissipate into the tea; trust me.
If you are with nomadic Tibetans, it is extremely proper to put butter and salt in your tea, and some milk as well.
SUPERSTITION: If you see a tea stem floating in your teapot, a stranger will soon visit. If you aren’t in the mood for company, butter the tea stem and throw it under the table.
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