The AP reporting from South Africa early last week:
As a primate who loves a good sandwich, I’m impressed. I’m not yet at the point where I’m able to jump through a window to get one. Score one more for the baboons.
We said, “hurrah!” and we’re sticking to it
Some months ago, I may have cast some aspersions upon the 1958 edition of Good Housekeeping’s Appetizer Book, and for that I must apologize. I now realize that I was too quick to judgment in regards to the book’s strategy of cubing whatever leftovers you may find in the fridge, rolling them in thousand island dressing and peanut butter and crumbled potato chips, then jabbing the result with a toothpick into whatever object is nearby, be it wicker basket, onion snowman, or pillar candle:
I was wrong. So wrong. You see, last weekend I had a party to go to, some brussels sprouts, a package of prosciutto, and a rather bougie recipe from Sunset magazine. Rather glumly and without much hope, I looked at my Good Housekeeping’s Appetizer Book for any spark of inspiration. And that’s when I noticed a very important tip on the book’s introductory page that I had previously overlooked:
“A drink of some kind is a prerequisite when a nibbler is served. The two are inseparable…”
Oh. Doy. How did I miss that before? Stupid. So anyway, I took my bougie roasted brussels sprouts wrapped in prosciutto, stabbed them with toothpicks, arranged them artfully around a head of cabbage, and presented them to a party full of people who had fulfilled the prerequisite. And it was goodbye, bougie; hello, festive.
So thank you, Good Housekeeping’s Appetizer Book. Maybe this year’s Thanksgiving feast will even feature some of your Hot Baked Ham Midgets.
Photo by Fire Monkey Fish on flickr
Have you seen this man?
I wish I had the original of this sketch of a Bolivian murder suspect in my Lost & Found collection:
Hey, don’t laugh. It led to the arrest of two suspects:
Thanks for finding this, metafilter. What would I do without you?
Word of the day for Monday, November 23rd
Today’s word is the name of an artist’s pigment that is no longer in common use.
Orpiment is one of the truest yellows you will ever see. It’s also known as King’s Yellow… and as arsenic sulphide. So it’s kind of sort of a little bit extremely poisonous. I say put down the orpiment and work with squant instead. Nobody’s died from squant yet.
Hierarchy
I’m not trying to stir the pot today. Really, I’m not. I’m not the person who wrote:
“Do you understand this, Twilight fans? Regular vampires are shit. They can only beat Zombies, Witches, assorted Poltergeists, and Mr. Hyde. That is BARELY BETTER THAN A REGULAR PERSON. Shut the fuck up about vampires.”
in an incredibly thorough and informative online guide about the relative powers of various monsters. Wasn’t me. If I had written that, I would be the most powerful monster of all.
Stuff it in my hamper
Wow. I was going through my drafts folder trying to clean up abandoned posts, and came across something really important I somehow forgot about. Something about pork. Something you can watch and listen to all day because it loops. I can’t keep all this pork to myself. Here; have some. You’re welcome.
Anybody know where I can get a hot dog telephone like that?
Etiquette & superstition: getting up from a chair
There has been a lot of business at work lately involving why revenues are down. There has also been a lot of business at work lately involving the location of a sofa, two chairs, and a certain ten-year-old coffee table from Ikea that should have been thrown away long ago. If someone were to ask me, I would say that perhaps this preoccupation with the location of this sofa, two chairs, and lousy Ikea coffee table has a direct bearing on the decrease of revenues.*
However, nobody’s asking me. And so while I find this one chair to be quite comfortable for guests, the proportions and styling are all wrong for my office. I believe I will spend some further time with this chair and see if I can get to the bottom of this problem. Anyway.
ETIQUETTE: When you rise from the dinner table for one reason or another, you should put your napkin on the table discreetly tucked near your plate. You should do this if you want to be a complete pig, that is. No, you should put your napkin on your chair. On your seat. No, never on your seat. Disgusting. You’re going to wipe your mouth with a napkin you left on your seat?
SUPERSTITION: If you’re having bad luck during a game of cards, you should 1) rise from your chair, 2) pick up your chair, and 3) turn around (while holding the chair) three times. Your luck will soon turn for the better.
*This preoccupation with the location of the sofa, two chairs, and brokedown trashcan Ikea coffee table would, of course, make complete sense were I to work in a furniture store. But alas, I do not work in a furniture store. If anyone reading this happens to own a furniture store and also happens to need an additional employee, let’s talk. I think I’m getting really good at this stuff.
Golden lemons
It seems there have been a lot of music videos featuring cyclists lately. Here’s one that won’t ruin your appetite:
Thanks for alerting me to the great sounds of Die Goldenen Zitronen, WFMU. Good luck with the one day marathon!
