Watch for flying ladles

I read a news story yesterday about elementary schools banning scary costumes from school Halloween celebrations, and it really annoyed the hell out of me. One item in the story especially stood out in my mind: apparently at one school district in Illinois, “…costumes depicting animals and food (preferably carrots or pumpkins) are in favor.”

Carrots? What is so scary about carrots? That is absolutely idiotic, I thought. But then I watched this film.

I stand corrected, carrots. If you’re pals with that cackling leek there, you’re probably a pretty tough customer.

Words of the day for Friday, October 30th

Woooooooooo! It’s Hallowe’ene’en, everybody. I don’t know about you, but Hallowe’ene’en puts me in the mood for scary creatures, and words about scary creatures. Actually, today’s words aren’t really about scary creatures, but they sure do sound like they are.

Halloween textand

Halloween fonts
Mulligrubs and fantods? I hope you locked the doors, Benny. Now, I don’t know where I got the idea that mulligrubs were monsters rather than a depressed state, but I do know that the fantod confusion came from Edward Gorey, noted chronicler of the humorously macabre. A mysterious taxidermied creature featured in his story “The Unstrung Harp” is identified as a fantod, and I always just assumed that he had just coined the term to describe the creature, even when I read another story by another writer that frequently referenced “the howling fantods.”

The Estate of Edward Gorey happens to be quite protective of its copyrights, so I’m not going to be able to provide you with Edward Gorey’s depiction of a fantod without fear of receiving a takedown notice. Being pretty well-versed in intellectual property law, however, I am quite sure that I can provide you with a drawing that I myself made of Edward Gorey’s depiction of a fantod:

fantod

Benny, are you sure you locked the doors? I don’t want any fantods creeping in. Wait. What? Fantods aren’t creatures either? When you have a case of the fantods it simply means that you’re in an agitated and restless state? Well, what do you know? I still hope you locked the doors, Benny.

Published in: on October 30, 2009 at 8:35 am  Leave a Comment  
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Hooray for Wally Hood

Today’s storefront art post is another iffy subject, in that the art doesn’t depict anything the store sells and was also created with the intention of the finished piece being considered “art,” or at least an “artistic mural.” Normally those two things are disqualifiers in my world of storefront art.

Nevertheless, I’d like to turn my spotlight on the Sunset Plaza Trader Joe’s elevator murals because they do fulfill the most important requirement I have for storefront art: unintended profundity.

Now, I’m not really sure what the portraits of nearly unrecognizable film and music celebrities actually say, but they sure say something.

Take this one.

paulnewman
Is it saying, “Is Paul Newman merely a chin dimple?” Or “Do you remember if Paul Newman even has a chin dimple?” Or “Is Paul Newman with a chin dimple Kirk Douglas?”? I’m not sure.

Similarly, “Is Prince Prince even if he doesn’t look like Prince, if he simply has Prince-like facial hair and is framed in a large pink guitar pick?”

prince
And then we come to Marilyn Monroe.

marilyn

I did not photograph this at an angle, by the way. Please note that half of the face is rendered from one perspective, and half is rendered from a very different angle. Either the artist had a stroke mid-way through this one, or the artist is a flounder with eyes on either side of his head.

Step along folks. We have more to see. We have Morrissey.

morrissey

Morrissey. I am fascinated that I know this is Morrissey and not Elvis or Ricky Nelson or Fabian or Frankie Avalon. What is the essential Morrissey-ness in this portrait that makes it definitively him?

And finally, I come to this one.

mysterystar

Who is she? She is rendered like a celebrity, so she must be a celebrity. Lauren Bacall. Judy Garland. Patricia Neal?

I have absolutely no idea, but if I were a maitre d’ at a restaurant and she came in, I would give this woman a good table. Because she looks important, she is important. There’s something deep about that, isn’t there? Phew. I gotta sit down for a minute.

Now, where’s that Two Buck Chuck?

Published in: on October 28, 2009 at 11:22 am  Comments (1)  
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Don’t do it, Fonzie

I have to keep reminding myself that Halloween has not jumped the shark just because I’m having trouble getting a good scary costume together. Not a sexy costume, not a current events costume – a scary costume. Because Halloween is supposed to be about Scary.

Every year I have trouble thinking of a good costume, and I fret and get anxious and grumpy, and then suddenly it all comes together. Only it’s not coming together this year. I can’t even be a monster this year, because this year’s monster is just some cute neurotic hairy dude with a striped shirt thanks to Spike Jonze. Spike, allow me this observation: Where The Wild Things Are = The Butthole Surfers. Where The Wild Things Are ≠ The Cure.

Okay, I need to stop ranting and start concentrating. Halloween. Scary. Scary. Scary.

jack
Don’t interrupt. I’m almost there…

Photo by stevechasmar on Flickr

New Hollywood

After Saw 6‘s “underperformance” (all of a sudden second place is underperformance?) at the box office this weekend, some entertainment industry wags are wringing their hands about whether this is the End Of The Sequel. I don’t know about you, but I find this hand-wringing to be a little premature.

First off, I am 100% sure that Saw 6‘s failure to capture the weekend’s number one spot is the result of a torpedo job by the American health insurance industry.  When the triumphant climax of the latest chapter in the most successful Western giallo franchise in recent history is (SPOILER ALERT) an orphan boy injecting hydrofluoric acid into every square inch of a health insurance executive’s body because the exec denied coverage to the orphan boy’s father when he needed a life-saving treatment, you know that Blue Shield and Pacificare and Cigna are going to do their best to make that film disappear before the general public starts getting some ideas of their own.

I think the lesson we’ve learned from the Saw 6 first weekend numbers is not that sequels are dying, but that there’s a lot more scary muscle behind the health insurance industry than any of us expected. I applaud Saw 6 for going after this monster instead of playing it safe. To those chickenshit film execs solely worried about the bottom line, I say don’t throw out the idea of the film franchise. Without the Idea Of The Sequel, we might never have gotten to enjoy Beetlejuice 2.

Author’s note: Director Kevin Greutert in no way influenced my positive review of Saw 6, but in the interest of full disclosure I should note that he did provide me with some Flamin’ Hot Funyuns and Veuve Clicquot Saturday night.
Published in: on October 26, 2009 at 10:45 am  Comments (2)  
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I tried hiding the salami, but nobody found it

I learned a lot today.

I learned that if I decide to go on a raw food diet, I can still eat pepperoni and salami. I also learned that surrealist painter Max Ernst is alive and well and designing billboards for lunchmeat in Croatia.

sausage
Okay, maybe I only learned two things today.

At least it wasn’t Chatsworth

I’m getting over this flu, but my brain still doesn’t seem to be working right. I feel like I blew a fuse up there or something. Benny says that on Monday night (I think it was Monday night) I seemed to be having a really bad nightmare because I was whining, “Pacoima… Pacoimaaaa…!” while thrashing around. Maybe that dream is what blew the fuse in my brain. All I know is it’s not working right, right now…

Published in: on October 21, 2009 at 8:35 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Travis the swine

Sorry for the dearth of posting the last few days. I went into an abandoned mine early on Saturday, and the rest up until now has been kind of a painful blur.

The doctor says it’s just the flu.

Published in: on October 20, 2009 at 1:53 pm  Comments (1)  
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Do you understand, Garbage Man?

Boo. Hiss. That stupid balloon boy made me forget all about yesterday’s very important holiday – National Grouch Day. What a little jerk.

Published in: on October 16, 2009 at 11:12 am  Comments (2)  
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Can I see the garter?

Madamejujujive has been keeping a better eye on the Pahl Gasthaus than I have. Apparently the sausage sculptors have been hard at work making new creations. This time, not only have they created a salami turtle, a ham cutlet pig, and a chopped liver birthday cake, but they’re making a foray into more formal occasions:

SRAUSS

This brings up so many great opportunities for a themed wedding. The flower girl can strew cocktail franks down the aisle, the rings can be made of fried onions….Don’t I know anybody getting married? What about a quinceañara? Do Germans have quinceañaras?

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