I don’t want to take away from the greatness of a cartoon featuring a cat and dog team named Waffles and Don, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t an actual Aesop’s fable:
Of course, I could be wrong.
Putting on the dog
I am a fashion genius and incredible predicter of upcoming trends. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to those people who know me in the real world who have been taken in by my clever “lazy slob” ruse, but it’s true.
Example? Just yesterday I was tootling around craft website etsy, marvelling at PetitPlat’s miniature food creations, when I found the following:
Those, I thought to myself, would make an excellent necklace. Drill holes in the ends, link them together, and voila – a ham and cheese choker. I would call it the Mama Cass.
Then I started doubting myself. Is a sandwich necklace a little silly? Who accessorizes an outfit with lunch? Well, German fashion designer and artist Bernard Willhelm, for one:
And he’s not the only one. Apparently there’s a ton of frankfurter fashion out there. The Mama Cass is just the next step in this trend. Ha! Fashion genius!
Desperate and serious
Ten thousand dollars? Is Susan a macrobiotic personal chef? Does she do your taxes? Is she a licensed masseuse? Ten thousand dollars? Also, Susan is a ridiculous name for a dog. Just saying.
Ghost busting
I haven’t seen the Fern Dell ghost since just before Christmas. My attempted pants-giving exercise before Christmas seems to have frightened or disturbed him to the extent that he no longer walks and rides his bike along the stretch of Los Feliz Blvd. that I saw him every morning on my way to work. Did I kill him? Does a ghost disappear when you try to make contact with it? Or is he perhaps just doing his daily exercises in a different area where weirdos aren’t as likely to try to give him pants?
I may never know the truth. One thing I do know, however, is that he’s gone. I need a new mystery to occupy my mind. Perhaps I’ll start researching the life of designer Ben Day. Ben Day was a graphic designer around the first part of the 20th century who invented a color shading process for printing so nifty that the process bears his name. In fact, according to infoplease.com, his name can be used as a noun, verb, or adjective. Not many people can say that about their names.
Beyond this, I’m not sure what makes Ben Day so great, but four designers at VSA Partners apparently thought he was so awesome that they got together with Potlatch and made a parody day planner in his honor. Why do I care about this day planner and the man who inspired it? Well:
- I’ve loved the word “potlatch” since I was a kid, when we had lots of Potlatch Corp. cardboard boxes in the garage. Say it – potlatch. Anything associated with Potlatch or potlatch is fine by me.
- The parody day planner has a parody of of the periodic table of the elements involving condiments. It’s completely inaccurate, but still a marvel to look at.
- If I keep investigating the Fern Dell ghost, I’ll probably be arrested for stalking.
The giant’s thumb and the amputee
I find it interesting that the artwork for the auto parts shop is rendered more professionally than the girl highlighting the skills of the tattoo artist here:
Benny and I have looked at this lady a long time, and I believe we finally determined that it is not a giant’s thumb grazing her lips, but her own shoulder. What appears to be a thumbnail is, in fact, wild tendrils from her silver and ebony mane. She has no left leg.
Benny wants to get a tattoo from this place.
Life and death and music theory with Walt Disney
You’re born, and then you hit some stuff with a slingshot, and then you have an ice cream soda, and then you play football, and then you meet a golddigger, and then you get fat, and then you get old and insane, and then a baby pushes you off a cliff. The circle of life.
Also, there’s a slutty sparrow and lots of lollipop licking.
Happy birthday, Mr. Dovetonsils
Today is comedian and television pioneer Ernie Kovacs’ birthday. Mr. Kovacs has a special place in my heart, for many reasons: his love of monkey costumes, his contributions to Mad Magazine, his luxuriant moustache… He would have been 90 years old today had he followed one of my simple rules for health and happiness: stay away from Westwood.
I am currently recommending Mr. Kovacs for Fancy Notions beatification so that he can become a patron saint of this website. Part of the beatification process involves research into the miracles performed by the candidate. Unfortunately, I was not able to find an online video clip of Mr. Kovacs’ miraculous all-gorilla production of Swan Lake, but I did find a decent performance of his simian troupe The Nairobi Trio. Enjoy:
Clambake on the beach
I’m telling you, the television program Lost is like the worst, most charming ex-boyfriend you ever had. Every time it tells me it’s coming back on the air for a short visit, I always think, “I’m over you, Lost. I just don’t care about you and your drama anymore,” and then I go ahead and watch it and think, “Dang, he looks good,” and I’m hooked again. Damn you, Lost.
Anyway, a few friends have declined to join in on the group viewing of the show this season because of their belief that the show is a piece of Scientology propaganda. Apparently, this belief is rather widespread, and while there is plenty of evidence to support this theory (the negative portrayal of pharmaceuticals on the show, dormant volcanoes, JJ Abrams’ relationship with Tom Cruise, Dharma Initiative>>>Dharma & Greg>>>Jenna Elfman; okay, maybe that last one is a stretch but I’m on pharmaceuticals right now), I think we decided last night that the show is not Scientologist but Calvinist. All this talk about being able to go back and forth on a string but not being able to change the string is very predestination. And the idea of predestination really gets me into a ball. “Am I predestined to fall into this puddle? Or was that my doing? Why would anybody predetermine that I fall into a puddle?”
Screw it. Screw predestination. Obama said that there’s room for nonbelievers in America. I’m going to nonbelieve. I’m going to walk away from my desk, get in my car, and go buy the new Bran Flakes album. What kind of god would predetermine that?
Damn it.
What did the big acorn say to the little acorn?
Last week I highlighted an irregular polyhedron as the word of the day. In my research, however, I found that quite a few polyhedra have very interesting names. And frankly, I’ve been feeling a little guilty that I only chose one as the word of the day last week.
So in the interest of fairness, I decided to make a list of some other outstanding polyhedra. Now, I understand that not all my readers are fans of geometry, so to that end, I have also included the names of some characters from WC Fields movies. See if you can tell which is which.
- Rhombitruncated Cuboctahedron
- Gyrobifastigium
- Elmer Prettywillie
- Bilunabirotunda
- Baby Elwood Dunk
- Gyroelongated Cupolarotunda
- Snub Disphenoid
- Otis Criblecoblis
- Great Ditrigonal Dodecicosidodecahedron
- Professor Eustance McGargle
- Frustum
- Disphenocingulum
- Plumber’s Nightmare
