Some New Year’s Eve I’m going to have to take a trip to the Mt. Olive Pickle Company to watch the pickle drop:
Someday.
It happens to be an old family name
My friend Carolyn found this notice a million years ago. I hope Skippy found his way back home.
Word of the day for Monday, December 29th
Oh, 2009. What do you have in store for me? Perhaps I should engage in some tyromancy.
Tyromancy is the art of predicting the future by looking at milk as it curdles into cheese. One thing I know for sure that bigger pants are in my future if I keep looking at cheese.
Room for improvement
You know what this site needs? More bacon. Heck, every website could use a little more bacon.
We wish you a merry gherkin
Behold the Christmas pickle! The Christmas pickles! The Christmas… oh, fiffle:
Circuit tree
Acorns! Little girls! Matchless stars and bubbles! Christmas lights galore! Damn, I’m all tangled up. I’m never gonna get this Christmas tree lit.
Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Krampus
While it’s a very nice chart, I’m not sure I agree with Jeffrey Vallance’s family tree of Santa Claus.
Everybody knows that the Krampus line is much closer to Santa Claus than is depicted here. Krampus is so close to Santa that he’s literally chained to him during their December travels. Santa gets to be the good guy who gives all the presents, and Krampus is the heavy who whips the children if they don’t dance well enough. So how did he get crammed all the over to Al Jolson here? I beg to differ.
Additionally, Père Fouettard (the child murderer pal of Santa) isn’t even included in this tree. Jeffrey had better fix this thing before he gets his tongue cut out.
Taking trips since 1583
While waiting for a plane that had been delayed five billion five and a half hours yesterday, I decided to sit in the airport bar to pass some time. The waiter was very nice, but at a certain point he said something to another table that made me get all “these damn kids today”:
“You know that song ‘Santa Got Run Over By a Reindeer’? It’s by this guy who has like three albums worth of music. He didn’t just do that song. His name is Dr. Demento, and he’s a real doctor.”
Okay, Dr. Demento may be a real doctor, but if you don’t know that Homer and Jethro were the geniuses behind “Santa Got Run Over By a Reindeer,” I’m not ready to turn over the reins of the world to you just yet. Whippersnapper.
And thanks to WFMU, I’ve now been introduced to another classic Christmas tune by the very same duo: “Santa Claus, The Original Hippie.” I definitely don’t think the waiter is ready for that. He probably doesn’t even know what a hippie is.
White Christmas
Oh hooray! A Christmas cartoon from the ’30s! It’s a Christmas cartoon, so it can’t have any racist stuff in it, right? How can you put racist stuff in a Christmas cartoon?
Huh. I guess that’s how you do it.
