You are in big trouble, Fish & Chips

Some friends are expecting twins, and for some ridiculous reason they are soliciting names from their loved ones. I don’t know why they would do this if they don’t want to hear suggestions like Benson and Hedges, BJ and The Bear, and Sonny and Cher. They even shot down my suggestion of Mark and Mindy.

I think all of these would be perfectly acceptable in New Zealand, which has strict laws regarding children’s names. So far, the country has rejected the following submissions for newborns:

• Sex Fruit
• Keenan Got Lucy
• Fish & Chips
• Stallion

I guess I’m a little confused about the court’s criteria for a “ridiculous” name, I have to say. They removed Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii from her parents’ custody, but they did accept the name Number 16 Bus Shelter (maybe this was seen as a romantic gesture; was where the child was conceived?), as well as the aforementioned Benson & Hedges for a pair of twins.

So what’s acceptable? What’s humiliating? Dorcas? Chevrolet? Smacker? Yoda? Bong? Ima Daisy Bottom? I’m sticking to owning cats and leaving the babynaming to others.

Interrobang

“The interrobang (/ɪn’tɛrəbæŋ/) (‽) is a nonstandard English-language punctuation mark intended to combine the functions of the question mark (also called the interrogative point) and the exclamation mark or exclamation point (known in printers’ jargon as the bang).” (Wikipedia)

My car got totalled the other week, and I accepted my insurance company’s settlement offer. As I understand it, they bought my car so they could resell it to a pick-a-part place; for some reason they wanted the keys for this smashed up undriveable vehicle of which they were the new proud owners. I received the following envelope in the mail with the rest of my transfer of ownership paperwork:

Perhaps you can’t read what it says on the bottom. Here, let me enlarge it a little for you:

Interrobang.

Twilight of the Sunset Cameraman

The thing about this guy that I feel elevates it from a charming logo to a genuine piece of storefront art is his skin. Yellow face, pink ears and hands. Curious. Post impressionist. I like it.

This little shutterbug used to reside on the storefront of Sunset Camera in Echo Park. I don’t think he’s there anymore, however, and that’s a shame. The image really works for a camera store – it was so nice looking that I had to take a photo of it, and it also made me smile when I saw it. What do people always tell you to do when they are taking your picture? They tell you to smile. You did your job well, Sunset Cameraman. Rest in peace.

Watch out, Lucy

It appears that Dolly Madison nemesis the Zinger Zapper is not the reformed beagle shilling for life insurance I thought he was. According to the New Zealand News, he’s back in action in Malaysia. And he has a gang:

The newspaper said the thieves sped off in a getaway car with the bags, one of which contained mooncakes, a Chinese delicacy.

Actually, now that I think about it, I’ve heard other recent accounts of his recidivism. Keep an eye on your delicious snack cakes, folks.

Loaded Screaming Dogs

I am learning something today. I am learning that I can’t play the video game Burger Time properly if the version I’m playing doesn’t have the peppy music to keep me on my toes around those aggressive sausages. It’s making me mad; I used to be really good at this game. It’s making me want to torture a hot dog right about now:

Ha ha ha ha! Scream, hot dog; scream!

Uh oh. Now it’s really mad. Well, at least I didn’t try to take on a fried egg. There are a lot of bad eggs out there that could make that rampaging hot dog look like a choirboy.

Hell bent for leathers

Say you’re a guy who likes to race his motorcycle around really fast, and you would prefer to keep your skin on your body rather than let it become one with the pavement in the event of an accident. You’re going to need some racing leathers.

Unfortunately, most racing leathers look a little silly, like you’re wearing a Godzilla suit or trying to imitate a crime-fighting armadillo. On top of that, you’re sick of hearing the snide insinuations that you’re trying to compensate for some sort of sexual shortcomings with your crotch rocket and your Road Warrior ensemble, which are totally unfair. You aren’t trying to be Mr. Tough Guy. You just like riding your bike fast. What can you do?

Hello Kitty leathers. That’s what you do. Totally metrosexual. Ride on, hellcat!

Closing ceremony

Oh Shanghai, how I will miss your architecture now that the Olympics are drawing to a close:

Your dragons:

Your intricate jade work and stone carvings:

Your elegant tiled roofs (and look how blue that sky is! What a hell of a job you did getting rid of all that pollution!):

Your devotion to spirituality in all that surrounds you:

Oh Shanghai, I will miss you so very much. Wait. That sign doesn’t say Shanghai. That sign says… Hollywood. We’re still in Hollywood?

What was that 14 hour plane ride all about, then?

Bois ha ha

Despite a disappointing role as a dryad in a community theater production of The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe as a child (Mom made me a very frumpy tree person outfit that looked quite sad next to the other dryads dressed like verdant Stevie Nickses), I’ve long been interested in the look of wood grain, especially in odd contexts. I never thought I was the only person interested in fake woodgrain, but I was a little surprised to find that there was a whole community of people devoted to something called the “faux bois” movement.

I’m a little wary of getting too involved here, because I find people who get so embroiled in an aesthetic or subculture that they can talk of nothing else to be rather boring and sad even if I like the aesthetic or subculture in question (see: steampunk, tiki, mod, rockabilly, ’60s punk), but I have a feeling there’s a limit to how embroiled you can get in faux bois. I guess I’m a little late to the party anyway – apparently Martha Stewart and Todd Oldham got over this stuff a few years ago.

Maybe I’m wrong about how embroiled you can get, though. The website It’s (K)not Wood is showing me a whole bunch of fashion options I am quite taken with:

• wood shoes (no, not wooden shoes; wood shoes)
• sunglasses (although I think I would go with the real thing in this case)
• belts
• wallet
• hardhat

With a nice a-frame a-line woodgrain dress, what a lovely ensemble that would make! Okay, wait; I should definitely be careful with this stuff before things get out of hand.

Monkey alert

Nothing good can come of this:

I have a feeling they’re going to take Mitch’s van to pick up Aunt Hazel, if you know what I mean.

Furshlugginer fahrvergnugen

I am shopping for a new car, and it’s actually going better than I expected. I have a decent list of cars that I want to take on test drives, and I think my choice is going to boil down to how practical I want to be.

Of course, I hate “practical” when it comes to cars because it usually translates to “boring.” I like Nash Metropolitans. I like AMC Marlins. I like Checker Aerobuses. I’m not going to get any of those, however, because I’m being practical. Blagh. Practical.

Here are some other cars that I found on the Car & Driver website that I won’t be test-driving either, but only because they aren’t shipping to the US:

• Isuzu GIGA 20 Light Dump
• Bongo Friendee
• Honda Life Dunk
• Autozam Scrum Stand Off Truck
• Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard
• Nissan Elgrand Homy
• Sbarro Assystem
• Daihatsu Charade Social Poze
• Yamaha Pantryboy Supreme
• Mitsubishi MUM 500 Shall We Join Us?

I already have my own assystem that works pretty well, but some of those others sound like a great combination of fun and practicality. What’s more practical that a Mysterious Utility Wizard?

Photo by 9ine6ix on flickr