I was looking through the archives this weekend:
How do you lose track of a dog made out of granite?
Clip my dorsal fin and call me Flatjack
Sometimes it’s good to have obstacles. If I hadn’t had the obstacle of WordPress not allowing me to embed an absolutely mind-boggling Armenian cartoon from dotsub.com about a talking fish, a magic table, and… Ekh, I would have never found Diver Dan on youtube:
Puppy Bowl
I know how the Saints can win today – if somebody can just rig a picket fence and a clothesline onto the field, they’ll be set. They should also watch out for a tricky duck receiver.
Delinquent and deliquescent
You know, some kids are going to get into trouble no matter what, but didn’t Mother Earth get a little concerned when Junior never showed up for his visit? I don’t think it’s fair to blame the cows.
Another useful box
I’ve always felt that my father and I were of a generally similar temperament, with a few divergences here and there, but that changed when I took him and my mother to the Museum of Jurassic Technology.
After a few minutes looking at the exhibits, he exclaimed, “This is all bullshit.” And he was annoyed. He didn’t think this was the most fantastic place in the world. At that point I realized that we were indeed very different people.
I think he would be just as annoyed by Caleb Larsen’s A Tool to Deceive and Slaughter. From the artist’s description of the piece:
“It is a physical sculpture that is perptually attempting to auction itself on eBay.Every ten minutes the black box pings a server on the internet via the ethernet connection to check if it is for sale on the eBay. If its auction has ended or it has sold, it automatically creates a new auction of itself.
If a person buys it on eBay, the current owner is required to send it to the new owner. The new owner must then plug it into ethernet, and the cycle repeats itself.”
Sorry, Dad. I love it.
via laughingsquid
Simi Valley comes to Los Angeles
Our neighborhood is really shaping up. A few weeks ago Benny and I started noticing that a neighbor was starting work on a bottle wall. It was a rather chic-looking bottle wall, like something that might be featured in Dwell magazine, but it wasn’t humorless. I was kind of excited about the arrival of a bottle structure so close to us, though I have to admit I was occasionally pricked by some “is Grandma Prisbrey’s folk art aesthetic getting co-opped by yuppie culture?” pangs. But those pangs quickly subsided. With each new weekend the bottle wall grew more and more lovely.
It’s still not finished, but pretty quickly it’s getting to be a substantial wall:
It’s about halfway there, by my estimate, but who knows where it will end? Added bonus: Benny says that last weekend the garage door to this house was open, and when he went by he saw a person drilling holes into the bottles one at a time. And the driller?
A genuine old lady. I am so excited now.
Word of the day for Tuesday, February 2nd
Let’s just get this out of the way right now – I don’t really like Groundhog Day. This post has nothing to do with Groundhog Day.
I had trouble deciding between two -udgeon words. I went with the one that felt funniest in my mouth:
A gudgeon is literally a kind of little fish, but it’s also one of those great words than can be a verb or a noun whose meaning is a person who has had the verb form of the word done to them. Like dupe, or fool. You can dupe someone, and when you dupe someone, they are a dupe. You can fool someone, and when you fool someone, they are a fool. Gudgeon is just like this. Exactly like this. Gudgeon = dupe or fool. It just sounds better than dupe or fool. Doesn’t it?
Etiquette & superstition: losing one’s virginity
Someone on the internet scans and posts an out of print book, and copyright holders of said book ask them to take it down. Old story. But here’s the good part: copyright holders actually decide to get the book reprinted for all to enjoy. Kudos, Estate of Edward Gorey.
ETIQUETTE (from The Recently Deflowered Girl, written and illustrated by Edward Gorey under the pseudonym Hyacinthe Phyppe; originally published 1965): “Deflowerment at Seance: At seance conducted by smooth-talking gypsy, you ask him to produce spirit of Rudolph Valentino. Spirit of Valentino appears and you are deflowered.
After deflowerment, you say, ‘Gee, Mr. Valentino, may I have your autograph?’
He says, ‘To tell the truth, this whole seance is a fake.’
You say: ‘Personally, I don’t believe in them either.’”
SUPERSTITION: A hooting owl is a sign that one of the young virgins in the village has been deflowered. Damn gossipy owls.
Mistaken identity
I apologize, Barbapapa and family. For years I’ve been under the impression that I hated you. How could I hate you? As it says on your site:
There is no problem that can’t be solved by this extraordinary couple ! Thanks to a few adequate shape changes and their brilliant imagination, they can bring to an end even the most difficult of problems, and always in the gentlest manner! They are forever willing to offer their friendship and services; and their good faith is beyond question! All this has not prevented them from become the attentive and tender parents of seven turbulent children: Barbalala, Barbabright, Barbabelle, Barbazoo, Barbalib, Barbabeau and Barbabravo.
I think all these years I’ve been confusing you with Shmoo and his horrible facial hair. Again, my apologies. Perhaps I could come over to your house some time for tea and stargazing?
Style and substance
I feel so late to the party. Before yesterday, I had no idea who Sandra Lee from the Food Network was. Apparently Sandra Lee is a woman who throws a lot of pre-made food together until it resembles something hilarious and then drinks a lot of cocktails so she can properly concentrate on making a fancy centerpiece for her table. I really can’t knock any of that. This is what my “quick and delicious dishes” category on the Notions is all about. Trader Joe’s wouldn’t exist if there weren’t drunken housewives who can’t admit that they hate cooking.
It’s just that the styling and the tone are all wrong. This would be the greatest show in the world if it were hosted by Francine Dancer with a public access television aesthetic – the “Steven Seagal: LAWMAN” of the Food Network. But I guess you already knew that.
